The incomplete Guide to the 48 States .....(Un-tied States Not Counted)

The United States of North America.

A lot of people say that they have been to a lot of places in America.

If you question them, you find out that often they really didn’t visit an area - they just flew over it.

Flying doesn’t count.

You cannot say you have visited a part of the U.S. if you just jetted over it or landed at an airport.

You are not qualified to state you have been somewhere unless you got there by walking, biking, motorcycling, riding in a bus or train, or driving your car.

Using this criteria I have been to all of the forty-eight States and am qualified to write a travel guide for each. Yes, I did say forty-eight.

You perhaps think I mis-spoke and gave the wrong number.

You are correct. There are not forty-eight states.There actually are only forty-four.

Kentucky, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania and Virginia are not states. They are commonwealths.

Puerto Rico is also a commonwealth but it is not like the other four commonwealths. Although it is not a state, it is likely to become one in the next twenty years or so.

Some consideration must also be given to a group of Pacific islands called the Hawaiians. In addition, a large patch of land near Russia, called Seward’s Folly, can be discussed as possibly one, or more states. Again, a two decade factor is probably about right for Hawaii and the Folly (AKA, Alaska).

There was some talk about Alaska during the last Presidential election. In fact, the Republican party proffered a candidate for Vice President named Sarah Palin, who claimed to be a Governor of the Folly.

After watching her beat herself almost half to death with her own eyelashes in the debates, and listening to her, I am certain that she is not from the United States, or even the Folly (Alaska).

It’s doubtful the woman is even from planet Earth.

There was talk back in 1950 of admitting the Hawaiians and Alaska to the union but nothing ever came of it…perhaps because of the fact that if you are going to have a UNITED States, the states have to be UNITED. They must touch each other. If the states WERE NOT  U N I T E D, THEN WE WOULD HAVE TO CHANGE THE NAME TO THE

U N T I E D  STATES.

But I digress. It was my intent to give you an excellent travel guide to all of the 48: but space is going to limit me to a few highlights.

NEW ENGLAND-Five states and One Commonwealth

Massachusetts. Stay away from it. Everybody there has a perpetual cold. Ask them where they live and they cough right in your face.

“Why I’m from

Mass - AH CHOO -setts.”

Just say God Bless you and hop in your car and get on Route 95 and drive to Rhode Island.

Now the “Ocean State” is a great place to visit but I personally can’t go there. I have

claustrophobia.

The whole state is only about three miles long. They make all the streets one-way. You drive around and around and think the state is big…but it’s only because they fool you into thinking that by having you drive in circles.

My space is really getting short so I’ll fill you in on the rest of New England real quick.

Connecticut is next to Rhode Island.

Half of the state is a paved parking lot for New York and the other half consists entirely of two giant gambling establishments erected by some “Native Americans” on their sovereign land which is not part of Connecticut…even though it’s in Connecticut.

In Northern New England, you will find Maine, which was part of

Mass AH CHOO setts….but the people there didn’t like the sneezy name so they broke away and formed their own state.

New Hampsire is also in Northern New England. They don’t have an income tax there so they are forced to get their revenue by putting up toll booths right at the

Mass AH CHOO setts border.

Everybody going into the state has to cough up five or ten bucks at every toll booth and they have one every five or six miles.

I don’t know what they will do if Mass AH CHOO setts decides to fight back and put toll booths on the Mass AH CHOO setts side of the border.

New Hampshire was famous for the OLD MAN OF THE MOUNTAINS, but he fell down and has not been seen in years.

The other New England state is Vermont. There are more cows there than people.

They have a lot of milk and make great quantities of Cheese.

New England also has the Boston Red Sox, The New England Patriots, The Boston Celtics, a hockey club called the Bruins, and four or five great bowling teams.

Plan a New England vacation soon.

Next time, I’ll write another fascinating travel guide on another part of the United States.


Drivers from Mass AH CHOO setts being fleeced at the NH border

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