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Why Everyone Should Own a Goat … or a Cow … or a Pig

Updated on February 9, 2013

Why Everyone Should Own a Goat … or a Cow … or a Pig

Don’t blame me. I did not select this topic. It’s Stan Fletcher’s fault. The first six words were his idea for a topic. I just added the Cow and the Pig. Why discriminate? Also – I do not want the ASSFA to come after me. ASSociation of Farm Animals They are already ticked off because I wrote about strange vegetables first.

So, to continue in the vein of utilizing my unbelievable supernatural powers to interview dead famous people and strange vegetables, I will now interview living farm animals. I’ll bet you knew that was where I was heading, didn’t you?

I'll start with the Goat.

me - Shall I address you as Mr. Goat?

Goat - Why don't you just call me Billy? Everyone else does.


Billy's kid
Billy's kid

me – Thank you. Are you married?

Billy – Are you out of your mind? Goats don’t marry. But I do have a girlfriend named Nanny. And we do have a couple of kids. Get it? Kids?

me – Got it. What would you like to tell me to support my thesis that everyone should own a goat.

Billy – Support your whatsis?

me – My topic – owning a goat.

Billy – Okay, that makes more sense. There are a number of reasons why everyone should own a goat.

We browse and carefully graze your lawn so you can save money on gardeners.

We produce goat’s milk and cheese. Did you know that goat's milk contains smaller fat globules than cow’s milk so it is easier for some people to digest and it does not have to be homogenized.

me – No, I didn’t know that.

Billy – We produce goat meat and goatskin but I prefer not to dwell on that.

We can be useful as a beast of burden – don’t particularly appreciate that phrase – to carry your stuff from one place to another. But not in traffic.

And did you know that goats and sheep were among the earliest domesticated animals? Remains have been found from as early as 7,000 B.C.

me – Thank you, Billy. Why don’t you go out to the lawn now and clear that patch of crabgrass?

me – Let’s hear now from the Cow. How now, brown cow?

Cow That’s so lame.

me – Sorry. Shall I call you Miss Cow?

Cow – Excuse me. It’s Ms. Cow. But you may call me, Bossy. My last name is Holstein.

me (mumbling, ‘Bossy? Yes you are’). Thank you. Do you have kids?

Bossy – Don’t you know anything? Kids are what goats have. I have calves.

me – What would you like to tell me, Bossy, about why everyone should own a cow?

Bossy – Well, we eat grass among other things so we can keep your lawn manicured.

And female cows like me produce milk after we have had a calf.

Our milk is also used to make butter, cheese and ice cream.

me – You don’t provide beef?

Bossy – Excuse me. I am not that kind of cow, Thank goodness. You are thinking of beef cattle or steers.

me – Anything else you would like to add.

Bossy – Yes, I was reading the “Dairy Journal” and did you know about cow poo?

me – What’s there to know about cow poo?

Bossy – You humans are so smug. What there is to know is that there are now 121 facilities in the U.S. that are turning cow manure into electricity, How ‘bout them apples? Cow apples, that is.

me – How were you able to read that magazine?

Bossy – The same way that I am able to talk to you, smarty-pants.

me – Go on out back and work on the lawn.

me – Let’s talk to the Pig. How should I address you.

Pig – Just find an envelope and a stamp, buddy.

me – Oh, great. I found a pig that thinks he’s a comedian. Do you have a name you would like me to use?

Pig – Well my family name is Chester White. But I prefer Rodney. I admire Dangerfield.

me – That’s what I was afraid of. So why should everyone own a pig?

Rodney – I’m glad you asked. If I were a small pig like a pot-belly pig, I would say because we are so cute. People keep us as pets. Until we get bigger than the sixty pounds we are supposed to weigh.

You know, I was cute when I was small and pink. I’m the one who first uttered that famous saying, “I’m pink, therefore I’m ham.”

me – I thought it was Descartes who said that.

Rodney – He got it from me. If we are not small and cute, we are raised as food: pork chops, pork loin, pork roast, spareribs, pork tenderloin, ham, bacon, sausage, etc.

We also provide pigskin leather, bristles (for brushes), and we are a source of pharmaceuticals such as insulin.

Did you know that since 1971, pig heart valves have been used to replace damaged human heart valves?

me – Why are pig valves used?

Rodney – Because our valves more closely match those of humans making transplants possible.

Note: Pig byproducts are also used to produce fabric softener, medicine tablets, tambourines,
crayons, beer, bullets, shampoo, body lotion, yogurt, multivitamins, toothpaste, certain paints, and even cigarette filters. Even collagen injections are made from pigs.
And pigs with an excellent sense of smell are used to find truffles in some countries in Europe.

me – Thank you, Billy, Bossy and Rodney. See you back at the farm. In the meantime, Billy, don’t let anyone get your goat . Bossy, try to be less aggressive with udders . And Rodney, you just stay a lovable ham.

© Copyright BJ Rakow 2011, 2013 Rev. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So."

Comments for Why Everyone Should Own a Goat ... or a Cow ... or a Pig

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    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      You are so right, Chris. And nothing is more difficult than trying to spell those words correctly! Thanks for joining in the fun.

    • carolina muscle profile image

      carolina muscle 4 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      hahaha ... nothing impresses nobody better than a dead language. :-D

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      I would interview Rene as well, Chris, but I fear he may not be a happy camper about the liberty I took with his famous quote. 'Lorem animadversione Latine dicitur.'

      Thanks for the visit which is much appreciated.

    • carolina muscle profile image

      carolina muscle 4 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      Rene Descartes must be rolling over in his grave for your "Ego sum ​​ham igitur rosea" reference .... :-D

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Patricia, for stopping by and enjoying the humor and the learning. The one often begets the other I have found. Hope all is well with you and the Angels in your family.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      Loved this...love the humor but love the learning too....This is such a clever format for presenting your work. I enjoy reading here each time I stop by.

      Sending Angels to you this day 8 of the new year :) ps

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I'm glad they passed that new law about keeping livestock fenced in, Tammy. Imagine the embarrassment of having to explain to folks that your mother-in-law was killed when her car hit an innocent cow.

      Then again, the cow may not have been altogether innocent. See my hub: "Cow Facts and Cow Trivia." Some cows are 'killers.' :)

    • tlmcgaa70 profile image

      tlmcgaa70 5 years ago from south dakota, usa

      lol...we do. we live a mile and a half from town and he lives three miles out...another mile and a half from us. it was common practice to let horses and livestock wander where they would, but thankfully, a new law took effect that any livestock found on the roads would be rounded up and sold at auction. people are lots more careful now. this law was made because to many people were dying from hitting them at night on the roads. he did almost lose his pigs to my neighbors kids (on the other side, closer to town, they live about a quarter mile form me) who tried to steal them and were in the process of getting the branding iron hot when the pigs owner showed up and put a stop to it.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Tammy. Thank you for visiting and even more for laughing. Pigs really are sweet animals and much maligned because they are smart enough to lie in cool mud when overheated because they have no sweat glands. If you would like to read more pig trivia, take a look at "Pig Facts and Pig Trivia."

      BTW, you and your neighbor must live in a fairly deserted area. If he let his pigs loose in my neighborhood they would be pork cutlets in no time at all.

    • tlmcgaa70 profile image

      tlmcgaa70 5 years ago from south dakota, usa

      great hub drbj...not only had me laughing, but i found it fascinating pigs could be so versatile. our neighbor had a couple of pigs that he let wander the area. sometimes they would come over and get into things, but they were sweet animals.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Truer words were never uddered, femme. (Sorry!) One slice of reality I assiduously avoid on TV is anything that has 'reality' in its name. Garbage!

    • profile image

      femmeflashpoint 5 years ago

      Doc BJ,

      In regards to the game the whole family can play, I haven't played it but I think I've seen the spin-off show.

      They'll just put anything on tele these days, lol.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for finding this, femme. I knew you would appreciate it, but finding it a hoot is even more than I could hope for.

      So Earl the goat committed incest - well, why not, it's the new game the whole family can play. (Sorry - very old joke.)

      Pigs are sweet but difficult to raise if you do not have a yard handy - with lots of nice cool mud. And no one is as bossy as Bossy.

    • profile image

      femmeflashpoint 5 years ago

      DrBJ,

      Thanks for the recommendation. You were right - the read was a hoot! :)

      We never owned goats, but I did know one once. His name was Earl. Earl mated with his mother so his kids were also his brothers.

      Pigs are smellier but sweeter.

      I haven't met a cow with the attitude of your Bossy yet, however, I HAVE met a full bulls who were a lot like her and a great deal meaner. ;)

      femme

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Hummingbird, delighted you found this hub and that you also found it funny. I'm not sure how successful Billy and Bossy would be on stage, but Rodney is all for it. He thinks he's the second coming of Dangerfield.

    • Hummingbird5356 profile image

      Hummingbird5356 6 years ago

      This is very funny. Those animals should be on the stage. :-)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      What??? You didn't get the delivery of the pig and cow, katie? I sent them by Fed Ex, but I think the shipment went astray because Fed Ex must have merged with UPS. Now It's called Fed Up.

      I shall track the order immediately, if not sooner, but fear that the new merger may also mean Well Fed. So you can guess what may have happened. :(

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Wayne, I do appreciate your welcome and gracious comments. I would certainly hate to be the cause of Babwa's discontent.

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

      I've been on the look out for that pig and cow delivery but nothing so far, the city slickers have done God knows what with the live stock delivery.

      Let us imagine their at a nice farm in Ohio, a vegetarian farm... :) Katie

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

      I just found this one! Too funny. You really have a knack for bringing out the best in an interview. I think Barbara Walters would be jealous! WB

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      You are definitely living dangerously, susie, if you drink a hot substance of any kind while reading some of my hubs. The same thing happens when I read some of yours, my friend.

      Billy the Goat IS available for yard cleanup but he requires the guarantee of at least five tin cans resting on the surface of said yard. Ms. Bossy the Cow is impossible to train so I don't rent her out. And Rodney the Pig is too funny to let loose.

      Thanks for being entertained and will be happy to buy you din-din if you ever get down this way. Promise.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      So I didn't do the laugh out loud on the "I'm pink, therefore I'm ham" that would be because like once before I made a big mistake. I was drinking Hot Cocoa this time... It sure does make a mess on the Monitor. One would think I would learn not to put anything in my mouth when reading your Hubs!! It always ends up somewhere in the vicinity of my monitor, keyboard and desk top. I really am glad it didn't come out of my nose!! No matter how ya slice it, it's yucky...

      I'm thinking I really want a goat, my yard gets so cluttered and it could probably clean it up nicely. Is Billy still available?

      I think Bossy and I would just clash too much, I already have enough of those around here. One more would cause me to lose my sanity (what little I have left).

      Once again you have entertained, along with educating us! If I ever get to Florida, I gotta meet you for coffee!!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      If you don't train them right, Dolores, those sheep and goats will make a mess of your lawn. :) Sorry to hear that Edie, your goat, got sick. Was it the gout?

      Your sister eats cans? Really? Maybe we could charge to have people watch?

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Hmmm, I thought that goats tear up the grass and sheep clip grass. But what do I know. Edie, the goat, would follow us around and occasionally wandered into the house. Poor thing got sick and had to be put down, so sad. She did not eat cans. But my sister does.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Shat a clever poem, Specialk, the goat and the cow and the pig salute you. So you and hubby danced a jig. Gee, I wish I had been there to take notes. Delighted you have a favorite but I'll keep it quiet; wouldn't want the others to be jealous. Thanks for visiting and leaving your kind thoughts.

    • Specialk3749 profile image

      Karen Metz 6 years ago from Michigan

      My husband and I loved your interview with the farm animals; goat, cow and pig. After reading aloud we started dancing a jig! It was informative 'bout each but also quite brief. Of all the three animals our favorite is beef!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Tina, how nice to have you visit - missed you.

      Delighted you enjoyed this hub and 'awesome' always has a nice ring to it.

      I would imagine that goat's meat might taste something like mutton. Is that so?

      Thanks for the gracious comments and enjoying my dialogues. And the up. You are my kind of hubber! :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Goat meat dumplings??? No disrespect to goats but I'd rather not know that my dumplings were goat-enhanced.

    • TINA V profile image

      TINA V 6 years ago

      Awesome! I enjoyed reading this hub. Do you know that a goat has a very good meat? I know somebody who has a very good recipe. It tasted so, so, so, so . . . delicious! I like the goat’s milk, too. I like Billy most. I hope Bossy and Rodney will not get mad at me. LOL!

      Indeed, you are a great author. You can write very interesting and funny dialogues. Voted up!

    • attemptedhumour profile image

      attemptedhumour 6 years ago from Australia

      Goat meat dumplings are rather nice.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      I've never eaten goat, Keith - knowingly, that is - though I have been tempted in Jamaica, so I know many people do enjoy it. I might like it if I didn't know I was eating it - sort of like frogs' legs. Better when you don't know.

      Look forward to what the devil tells you. Delighted you are enjoying my "funny interview style." Cheers to you, too.

    • attemptedhumour profile image

      attemptedhumour 6 years ago from Australia

      We have friends who own six goats, it's a hobby farm so they won't end up in the curry, unlike the ones we tucked into at the local Indian restaurant. I've got an interview with the devil lined up, but no animals. Funny stuff and the interview style works well. cheers

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for stopping by, Dolores, and letting me know about Edie the goat. Your sister was lucky to have such a lovable pet. Did she keep the lawn manicured, too? And eat all the tin cans that were not recycled? Edie, that is, not your sister!

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

      My sister used to have a goat named Edie. She was one of those tall ones, whatever they are. Edie was the most delightful. lovable pet.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, prairieprincess. So happy you made it to the city and I made you laugh ... out loud. The pleasure is all mine. You can have another laugh, if you like, no charge. Just visit my hub, "Psychic Vegetables and the Things They Have Told Me." :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      You owned all those animals, Holle? Did you keep them as pets, give them away, sell them, or perish forbid! eat them? No, don't tell me, I would rather not know.

      They may have not given you an interview because you didn't say, "Pretty please!" But you pleased me with the up rating. Thank you, dear.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Randy for stopping by and the pastoral seal of approval. "not baaaaaa-d!" from a rural personage is high praise indeed.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, sweet Katie. Delighted you laughed so hard but do hope you didn't injure yourself with belly laughs. Must have been the Yoga - some of those stretches are murder!

      Thank you for the "a" words - "amazing and appreciated" - two of my favorites. Since you appear to be a fervent believer that everyone def should own a goat or cow or pig, watch for the UPS truck - I am forwarding mine. :)

    • prairieprincess profile image

      Sharilee Swaity 6 years ago from Canada

      Well, you really lucked out on these interviews .... very clever interviewees! This made me laugh so loud ... thanks!

    • Randy Godwin profile image

      Randy Godwin 6 years ago from Southern Georgia

      As a farmer, all I can say is not baaaaaa-d!

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      I've had goats, cows, pigs, horses, chickens, ducks, turkeys, and rabbits, but not a one would ever grant me an interview!! Rated up!

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

      You got me and what a delightful surprise. Laughed hard and laughed some more my gut hurts, not sure if it's the intense Yoga work out I practiced today or a combintion of that and a great long belly laugh! You're amazing and so appreciated. Everyone def should own a goat or cow or pig! :) Katie

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, AC, thanks for visiting. And for being entertained and (?) educated. It's entirely my robust pleasure.

      I'm beginning to think I may be in big trouble - Stan's off-the-wall ideas for hubs are beginning to make sense to me. Rodney thanks you for enjoying the pink ham - as long as you keep it figurative of course. :)

    • ACSutliff profile image

      ACSutliff 6 years ago

      Drbj,

      Again, you have mixed your smart humor with a dash of research and informative writing that has left me entertained and educated. Don't you love getting great writing ideas from Stan?

      I also enjoyed your pink ham ala Descartes. Delicious!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Micky - You 'kid' me not? I got your 'goat'?

      Thanks for this very apt epilogue.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Oh, mysterylady, you ARE a sweetheart. Thanks for the lyrics and the charming video. Jeanette McDonald and Nelson Eddy were very popular in musicals long, long ago and it was a delight to watch and hear them again.

      I owe you one! :)

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 6 years ago

      I kid you not- this is a great write! You've gotten my goat!

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

      Sweet Mystery of Life

      Ah! sweet mystery of life, at last I've found thee;

      Ah! I know at last the secret of it all;

      All the longing, striving, seeking, waiting, yearning,

      The burning hopes, the joys and idle tears that fall!

      For 'tis love, and love alone, the world is seeking;

      And 'tis love, and love alone, that can repay;

      Tis the answer, 'tis the end and all of living,

      For it is love alone that rules for aye!

      Text by Rida Johnson Young

      Set to music by Victor Herbert

      http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DB_m7unArv8g

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, Sylvia. Sometimes it only takes one word to make me happy. "Awesome!" is one of those words. Thank you.

    • Sylvia Leong profile image

      Sylvia Leong 6 years ago from North Vancouver (Canada)

      Awesome!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      I can't help myself. I have to give in. I've been wanting to sing this to you since we met: "Ah, sweet mysterylady of life, at last I found you. Aaah, . . . sorry, don't know the rest of the words.

      Thank you for loving my animals with variegated personalities, the 'priceless' cartoons, and the endless (?) research. Thank you for the bravo, too. :)

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

      Your cartoons are absolutely priceless, and I love how each animal has a different personality. I enjoyed your research, too. Bravo, drbj!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you for the Bravo, BJ. Happy to hear you still have that love affair with cows.

    • BJBenson profile image

      BJBenson 6 years ago from USA

      I know you know I feel about cows! Bravo!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Oh, wow, Pamela, four "funny's" in your comment. You made my day. Thanks for voting.

      Sorry the laughter was so painful but hysteria often produces that by-product. Do hope you have completely recovered. :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Jaye. I'm happy you enjoyed the Interview and admired the intelligence of Billy and Bossy. But Rodney feels slighted. He believes he is as smart as the average four-year-old human or ten-year-old orangutan.

      He asked me to point out that the Note stating all the extraordinary uses of pig products was written by the author, me, and not him. He IS sensitive, you know.

      But he asked me to thank you, nevertheless, for your insightful comments. But don't expect his forgiveness.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 6 years ago from United States

      Fantastic! This was absolutely hysterical and I laughed so hard it hurt. Thanks for writing such a clever, funny hub. Voted/rated funny funny funny.

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 6 years ago from Deep South, USA

      Really liked the interview format, as well as the obvious intelligence of the articulate goat and cow. Rodney got started okay; however, he must not be as smart as the average pig, which is as smart as a three-year-old human child and as clever winning video games as primates tested doing same. Otherwise, he would not have focused on the uses of pigs that require their demise. Just as all humans don't have high IQs, pigs don't either. JAYE

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Radioguy, how nice to meet you. And here on this hub of all places.

      Thanks for the 'funny stuff' comment; I totally agree with you. Delighted you liked the 'toons. Me, too!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      You are just the best, Audrey. Thank you for your desire to share this with friends, family and assorted farm animals. Sharing is good.

      Thank you for the 'brilliant and genius' - you weren't talking about the animals I hope. OMG - keeping this 'in your safe?' I think you've gone over the top but I'm loving it.

      Our great minds run in the same channel (no, it's not a gutter) because the cartoons you found hilarious are some of my favorites, too.

      No thanks necessary; I dedicate this 'glorious masterpeice' to you, too. Move over debbie.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Christopher. I don't know about all farm animals being brainy but I certainly met three with very laudable IQs as well as a sense of humor.

      For your gracious comments, my mother thanks you, my father thanks you, I thank you, and the goat, cow and pig and their respective relatives thank you.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      So, CM. you would like to own a cheetah? You surely have exotic tastes. You would not have any security problems with such a pet. No one in their right mind would trespass.

      But you are correct. The various governmental authorities in the U.S. would do their best to keep you from realizing that dream. Just as well. I'm not eager to live next door to a cheetah or a lion, tiger, panther, puma, leopard and others of their ilk.

      Thanks for that laudable comment because Orwell is one of my heroes.

      Maybe I will dig him up one day for an Interview. :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, hello. You are most welcome, hello. It's my pleasure. Thanks for stopping by and the 'lovely hub' comment.

    • Radioguy profile image

      Radioguy 6 years ago from Maine

      Funny stuff! I liked the toons too!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Ruby. Thanks for appreciating my barnyard wit (?). BTW, we can no longer call that famous farmer, "Old McDonald." The political correctness folks believe that is an ageist remark. So we have to refer to him as Farmer McDonald. I am delighted though that you think he would be proud.

      I do recommend goats as pleasant gardeners to have around as long as your property is fenced. Otherwise, they might swallow a SmartCar or two that is carelessly parked on the street.

      Thanks for enjoying my interviews. I enjoy your enjoying them. Ta, ta.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Audrey, I knew you would appreciate the higher tone (?) I have taken with this farm animal interview.

      So happy you enjoyed the jokes. You have the facility, you know, of always being able to get along with 'udders.' Whether they be dogs, or fish or rabid supervisors.

      Thank you for the 'too hilarious' and BTW, you gave me a great idea. I think I will interview myself and replace my pedestrian, pre-Pleistocene profile with said interview. Whatcha think? Would that fly? :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      You are so right, Silent Reed. We take advantage of all that these wonderful farm animals give us, unsparingly, and seldom ... make that never ... thank them.

      So on your and my behalf I herewith declare this a day of honoring all goats, cows and pigs. No meat shall touch our lips this day. Our stomachs perhaps, but not our lips.

      Do you think you can arrange for me to get an interview with your friend and alter ego, Dr. Doolittle?

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      I know, Hillary, that these one of a kind farm animals would be absolutely delighted to stay awhile with you, too.

      Which address shall I ship them to? Your town house or your country home?

      Thanks, m'dear, for the visit and the 'absolutely priceless' comment. So are you. :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      And I'm willing to bet real money, Sally, that Billy, Nanny, and the kids would love you, too.

      Thanks for your love.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      You enjoyed the cow inquisition, dimi? Me, too.

      That sweet, sensitive,old-fashioned cow is having a heck of a time explaining to that attorney precisely how and where Farmer Brown inappropriately touched her. I'll bet that happens all the time.

      Delighted to have put that smile on your face. :)

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, psychicdog. If you want a goat to mow your lawn, how about Billy. I'm willing to part with him for next to nothing.

      He has already eaten me out of house and home. First, the hubcaps from my car, then the sprinkler heads on the lawn. And now he is eating my canned groceries without opening the can.

      "Billy! Put down that metal shopping cart!"

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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, VioletSun. Delighted you found this hilarious and chuckled out loud at the pink/ham line.

      It's my pleasure to provide the 'fun read. Just don't stop reading.

      I conveyed your greetings to the gang and Billy said, "Tell VioletSun not to take any wooden nickels. I always do and eating them is destroying my digestive apparatus.'

      Bossy said, "I would email you if I 'cud' but Billy ate my cell phone."

      And Rodney said, "Take my wife . . . please." I think he channeled the comic, Henny Youngman, by mistake. :)

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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      I always love hearing from you, sue, because I think we each share a half of that humor writer's 'funnybone'.

      Laughing from beginning to end will surely do a lot to jog your inner self.

      Put down that hatchet, girl, you have already proven yourself to be as 'loony' as Stan and me. I use the word, loony, only in the very best sense of the word. Which is crazy!

      Thanks for the 'great comedy' comment and snorting at the pig and his bacon buddy. Also for appreciating the ham I am line. I'll tell Bossy how much you appreciate her indignant bon mot.

      And I have been told before that I'm in a class of my own. I think the exact words were, 'no class.' :)

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      Audrey Hunt 6 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      AWEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Brilliant! Genius! Sharing this with friends, family and farm animals. Keeping this treasure in my safe. Absolutely love the cartoons. Still LMAO at "chinny..chin..chin", "dog eared", and "try a little sun screen: (absolutely hilarious)! Just not enough "thanks" available to give you for this glorious masterpiece.

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      Christopher Antony Meade 6 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      I,m glad someone appreciates the fact that farm animals have brains as well as meat.

      Thank you from all the appreciative goats, cows, and pigs.

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      CMHypno 6 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      I want to own a cheetah but they are really funny about owning exotic animals in this country! LOL! Also, I probably wouldn't be able to keep up in the park. George Orwell would be proud of this masterful interview with the farm animals, drbj

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      Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

      Thank you for such a lovely hub.

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      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This is soo funny. Old MC Donald would be proud. If i had room,i might get a goat to keep my yard pretty, but a pig would be useful, you know, with body parts. Thank's for the interview, you do it so well.

      Cheers

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      Audrey Kirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

      I agree, BJ - you should include your creative interviewing talents on your bio. Too hilarious - getting along with udders....you surely have a lot of fun. Great interview with the 3 farm animals!

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      SilentReed 6 years ago from Philippines

      Dear Dr.BJ,

      As humans we are on top of the food chain.When we grab a ham and egg sandwich at a deli,gulp milk from the bottle, bite into a fillet minon or like Cleopatra luxuriate and bathe in goat's milk. We should pause and remember our affinity with these lowly farm animals.For are we not all God's creatures? Thank you for taking the time out in your busy schedule of interviewing the famous and infamous personalities of the past to do these interviews. Your friend,

      Dr. Doolittle

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      Hillary 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      Absolutely priceless doc...and I'll have one of each. Sooo cute and talk about green living. Yes!

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      Truckstop Sally 6 years ago

      Loved it! Bill, Nanny, and the kids! Ha!

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      De Greek 6 years ago from UK

      That cartoon with the cow in the dock being asked to show where Farmer Brown touched her? Can't get the smile off my face :-))

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      psychicdog.net 6 years ago

      I think I'll get a goat...I'm sick of mowing the lawn! thanks for the tip drbj.

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      VioletSun 6 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      LOL! This was hilarious! This line made chuckle out loud

      “I’m pink, therefore I’m ham.” Thanks for the fun read, you are definitely gifted as a comedian and writer. Say hi to Billy, Bossy and Rodney for me. :)

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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      drbj- I laughed from beginning to end. I'm with Stan, except that I'm considering a hatchet with only some of your inner comedian let loose. Come to think of it, I consider a hatchet when I read his too. Maybe I need to lay down the farm implements and just appreciate great comedy for what it is! Great comedy!

      The cartoons were perfect.. the pig and the bacon had me snorting!

      The “I’m pink, therefore I’m ham” line had me green with envy!

      The "Excuse me. I am not that kind of cow" had me udderly in stiches!

      Drbj- you are in a class all your own!

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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, FP, It's always a treat for me to see you here. Funny you should mention my rewriting my profile - I've been meaning to for some time. In fact, it's one of my New Year resolutions. I just didn't specify which year!

      I would love to add world's most creative interviewer. If I do I'll just mention that you told me so. :)

      Thanks for loving this one.

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      Feline Prophet 6 years ago

      drbj, you need to rewrite your HP intro to include 'world's most creative interviewer'! Loved this one! :)

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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Darski, my dear.

      What an ex you must have had - so shall I say, animalistic! Moans and groans? Sounds almost fascinatingly X-rated.

      Thank you for laughing and the up rating. I love you, too.

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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, frozen person. Nice to meet you. I shiver just thinking about Alaska. I have visited three times but always in the spring or early summer - just don't enjoy the really cold weather any more.

      Thank you for finding me, the up rating and enjoying some laughs. Makes me feel warm all over. Will check out your Ode. Is that a new ode or an old ode? Just wonderin'.

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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      So you liked my “I’m pink, therefore I’m ham” line, Stan. Thank you and feel free to share it with any friends of the porcine persuasion.

      I would not be a faithful reader of yours if I didn't admire your wit and creativity. You are a kindred soul!

      Thank you for the sublime comments - you touched me with that 'highest honor' one as well as the 'taking a hatchet to laptops' comment. You are so gracious. Don't stop!

      As far as unleashing my inner comedian, I think I've let her out as much as I dare. Love you, man, for loving this. :)

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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Lynda. Would you call yourself a gentlewoman farmer? Had no idea you were so experienced in the, pardon the expression, art of animal husbandry.

      I will take your advice and continue to admire farm animals from afar - like an acre or so.

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      Darlene Sabella 6 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

      OMG, I know the reason I would want one of this creatures living with me, to remind me of my exhusband, those familiar sounds of mouns and groans...Very cleaver professior...I really did lmao...love you darski vote up

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      writinginalaska 6 years ago from southeast Alaska

      very very cute, i too had a couple of laughs, i voted this UP! You might enjoy my Hub called Ode to Knock Knock Jokes ( referring to a cow)

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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Well, if you love to laugh, bp, then you are definitely a friend of mine and in the right place. Doubled over, eh? With laughter, that is? Thanks for the up vote and the very funny. Four of my favorite words.

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      Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

      “I’m pink, therefore I’m ham.”

      To think that the person who wrote that line is a regular reader of mine is the highest honor I can think of. You Dr., are one funny lady. Smart too. I have a feeling that if you fully unleashed your inner comedian, the rest of us would be forced to take a hatchet to our laptops. LOVED THIS!

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      lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Having had and raised all of the above animals, my advice is don't. Not unless you want lots and lots of work. Lynda

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      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Bravo! I love to laugh and you had me doubled over. I almost spilled my Bloody Mary! Voted up and funny, very funny..

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      This hub is dedicated to Debbie of debbiesdailyviews. She asked me to write a hub about "meat jokes" after she read the one I wrote about strange vegetables. Hope you aren't sorry you asked, Debbie.