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Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You!

Updated on July 27, 2015
The kitty is always watching!
The kitty is always watching! | Source

Okay, you are reading this article because you know that something is definitely going on in your kitty's head! What are they thinking? They are thinking of taking over your home and removing you from the picture! Sure kitties are very cute and cuddly and how can one think a kitten would be capable. Trust me folks, beware and watch your surroundings! Never fall for their cuteness tricks or their playfulness it is all a trick! I will show you some tips on how to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. Some would say these are normal actions for a kitty, but you thought wrong! I'm guessing your kitty is being very cute right now and watching you on this site as we speak. Pick up your laptop or move the cat in the other room! Do not let them find out you are on to them! When they find out you know what they are up to it will only end badly.

Cat kneading on you.
Cat kneading on you. | Source

Is Your Cat Kneading On You?

Although, a lot of cat owners say this is a form of affection it is entirely false. When your cat kneads on you they are actually checking your internal organs for signs of weakness.

Shoveling Kitty litter?
Shoveling Kitty litter? | Source

Is Your Cat Shoveling Kitty Litter?

OK, so when your cat uses the litter box does he/she shovel litter excessively? Do they do this so much to where litter covers the floor and other places? Do not be fooled folks this is merely practice for burying bodies.

Cat staring?
Cat staring? | Source

Does Your Cat Like To Have Staring Contests?

Casually hanging around with your cat does he/she like to start random staring contests? Well, the next time you feel your kitty staring at you DO NOT LOOK AWAY! If you look away during a staring contest this is a sign of weakness to your cat and an attack will follow.

Brings you dead things?
Brings you dead things? | Source

Does Your Cat Like To Bring You Dead Things?

This idea generally speaks for itself folks! If your cat is leaving dead things on your doorstep it usually indicates A WARNING! At this point you should be freaking out and definitely be cautious.

Eating then vomiting grass?
Eating then vomiting grass? | Source

Does Your Cat Vomit Grass?

Yes, this may seem normal for a cat but in fact they are preparing their bodies for combat. Indeed, they train their minds and bodies through a painful feeding and purging process.

Kitty is ALWAYS watching!
Kitty is ALWAYS watching! | Source

Does Your Cat Like To Hide in Dark Places And Watch You?

Many cats do this so that they may study you in your natural habitat. Keep in mind one way to survive is to know the enemy and your cat is watching your every move.

Cat sleeping on your keyboard?
Cat sleeping on your keyboard? | Source

Does Your Cat Prefer To Sleep On Electronics?

Alright folks, we all know that human beings have superior technology. Do you think your cat knows this? Of course they do! Your cat will sleep on these electronics to cut any contact off from the outside world. Beware!

Pawing at your face?
Pawing at your face? | Source

Does Your Cat Paw At Your Face While Sleeping?

Lets face facts that kitty's aren't exactly pros when it comes to smothering people. So, they will wait until you are most vulnerable in your sleep. When you wake up and see your kitty pawing at your face, this means a failed smother attempt.

Running out of rooms?
Running out of rooms? | Source

Does your cat run out of the room when you enter?

Lastly, when you walk into a room is your cat startled? This is not a good sign folks! Your cat is running at fast pace out of the room because something is wrong. So, it is safe to say that your cat attempted an ambush but failed.

Kitty Was Caught!



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    • Patsybell profile image

      Patsy Bell Hobson 3 years ago from zone 6a, SEMO

      Plus, the cat will eat you if you die alone in your apartment. They are just waiting for us to die.

    • JulianaDragoness profile image

      Mariah Aiken 3 years ago from Moncks Corner, South Carolina

      Definitely! Keep your eyes open!

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 3 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      my cat does those stuff most of the times. Is she trying to kill me?

    • profile image

      crazy bannas 5 years ago

      lol my cat is plotting to kill me lol its cute my cat frickin is 12 in cat years im scared and frickin this happens to me every day and im 17!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Wow this is really cute!

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 5 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Lol!! This is too cute. Voted up and shared definitely!

    • jennzie profile image

      jennzie 5 years ago from Lower Bucks County, PA

      Hilarious! I'm going to keep a closer eye on my cats now. :-)

      Voted up and shared!

    • DrMark1961 profile image

      Dr Mark 5 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

      Hmm, now we know! They always seem so small and innocent. No wonder my dog likes to chase them away from my house.

      Voted up! Thanks for the smile.

    • JulianaDragoness profile image

      Mariah Aiken 5 years ago from Moncks Corner, South Carolina

      Thank you so much for reading annie...not all cats are plotting against their owners. You probably have loving cats and they want to keep you around for a while.

    • annie greco profile image

      annie greco 5 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA

      Very funny! Good videos. I think my cats are more suicidal than homicidal most of the time, but they do like to sleep on my chest at night.....

    • Nettlemere profile image

      Nettlemere 5 years ago from Burnley, Lancashire, UK

      One of my cats makes frequent assassination attempts - runs across my path so I trip over her and then acts grossly offending that I stepped on her paw!

    • JulianaDragoness profile image

      Mariah Aiken 5 years ago from Moncks Corner, South Carolina

      lol...very good details that I need to remember next time

    • JulianaDragoness profile image

      Mariah Aiken 5 years ago from Moncks Corner, South Carolina

      Indeed, beware of danger kitty! lol I couldn't help but notice that you said you "used" to have cats? Why did you get rid of them?

    • JulianaDragoness profile image

      Mariah Aiken 5 years ago from Moncks Corner, South Carolina

      Glad you enjoyed it sgbrown...siamese cats are very clever and definitely have a mind of their own.

    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 5 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      This was so cute, I loved the pictures! The weirdest cat I ever had was a siamese. They have such a mysterious personality. I often wondered what she was thinking! Now I know!!! Voted up and funny! :)

    • JulianaDragoness profile image

      Mariah Aiken 5 years ago from Moncks Corner, South Carolina

      Thanks for the read everyone....this idea just popped into my head when my cat Shadow was pawing at my hair this afternoon. Me trying to study and he's attacking my hair?lol

    • cat on a soapbox profile image

      Catherine Tally 5 years ago from Los Angeles

      At night my cat upchucks in the middle of my path to the bathroom. I've long suspected this is done w/ intent to make me slip and fall along with the sudden darting from hiding to bring on a cardiac arrest! You've just confirmed my suspicions- ha ha!

      I loved this and thank you for the good laugh!! Voted way up and very funny :)

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      This was very hilarious and super cute, I loved your hub here, and was actually thinking of writing some funny hubs myself, nice technique and awesome delivery here.

      I had a cat that attacked my eye once, and luckily it missed with its striking claw, and so my mom had em cut off. Funny stuff, but cats can actually be dangerous.

      Voted up for funny for sure and many others, and sharing.

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image

      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Scratching post = weapon sharpener

      Sleeping in bed with you = making sure you don't skip town in the middle of the night

    • christin53 profile image

      Ann-Christin 5 years ago from UK

      This is so funny I used to have cats and they did all those things. I loved the dangerous kitten video too. Voted up and sharing