Samhain the Cat, Dancing Queen
You May Kiss the Royal Paw
My owner has neglected to make a shrine to the house god, so I have threatened to yark on her Dance Dance Revolution pad every day until she submits. (Could be worse-- at least it's easy to clean.)
My name is Samhain, and I was adopted from a shelter on Hallowe'en 1996. My owner claims she named me this because Samhain is the Celtic name for that holiday, but I know it's really because she likes tormenting vets. ("It's pronounced how?") I approve of mind games, especially against vets. Unfortunately, "Sah-wain" is hard to explain, so she's lied and told them my nickname is Squeaky. How undignified.
I do not squeak. I am a fully-trained cat orator, with a larger vocabulary than many humans. It's not my problem that my owner can only understand about 10 words. At least she knows the difference between "food," "water dish," "litter box," and "CONCRETE!!!" Here you may listen to my recital of a brief feline haiku.
I will explain about the concrete below.
The Concrete Dance - Cat Breakdancing
Each day I must be let out so that I may commune with concrete, bricks, or whatever patio surface my owner has provided.
The following video does not in fact show true concrete, but a satisfactory substitute. My feeder-person has an annoying habit of dragging me to her parents' house in Utah over the winter holidays, where I have to make do with Trexx decking material.
My Cat Photo Gallery
"Squint as you approach, lest you be blinded by my brilliance" -- K. Hepburn
Note: Some crass viewers have remarked on my weight. I assure you that I am a delicate flower. Besides, if my feeder-person tries to set mealtimes, I simply gobble up every molecule when the bowl is filled, and if I eat too fast, well, that's what the floor's for. We have reached a compromise: diet cat food in bowl 24/7, and (usually) no surprises.
That thumbnail at the top of the page doesn't do me justice, as you see.
Here is my baby picture. For those cats seeking to weasel your way into a home and acquire a feeder person, please remember: there is no substitute for cute, googly kitten eyes. Practice posing with your paws tucked for maximum effect.
Claiming the sunbeams before other cats can steal them is very important.
(Below) At left, you see my arch-nemesis, from whom I have to defend the sunbeams. She's 21, yet still has the nerve to claim the Utah house as hers! Luckily I only have to suffer being a prisoner in enemy territory once a year. At right, I am keeping a close eye on bird-shadows.
Watch This Video, Lower Your Blood Pressure - Samhain illustrating the simple joys in life
In 2008, my feeder-person thoughtfully bought a condo with an enclosed patio and garden for me. Goodbye, concrete, hello, bricks!
F.A.P. (Feline American Princess) - The following is a song all cat owners should hear.
- Feline American Princess: Tune
You will find a recording of one verse on this page (third song from the top).
- F.A.P. Lyrics
Here are all the words of Feline American Princess.
Samhain Appreciates Your Adoration - Hear the Cat Orator in Action
Cat-Computer Ergonomics - Proper Posture to Avoid Fatigue While Owner Is Using a Laptop
Incorrect computer posture can lead to fatigue. I would like to take a moment to explain how to sit on your feeder-person while she is using a laptop. With correct positioning, you should be able to nap in comfort.
Your position will depend on the shape of the feeder-person. If the feeder-person does not have much of a lap, you may need to sit fully across the keyboard. While this is warm, it can be uncomfortable, especially if your feeder-person is attempting to type.
See Cool Corner Desk With Cat Bed.If you are lucky, you will have a well-padded feeder person. You can then drape yourself across the provided shelf and dangle a foot on the track pad for support. This position is preferred, since it will obscure the feeder-person's view of the dangerously distracting screen and ensure that she keeps her full attention where it belongs, on you.
If she persists in typing, place forepaws firmly on one or both wrists to encourage her to stop.
Malcolm: Former Cat Comrade
I'd like to paws for a moment to remember an old friend, Malcolm. Malcolm defended us from roses and other dangerous table settings.
Alas, he never met an open door he didn't like -- even when the Santa Ana winds blew it open while our owner was out running errands for us. That was in 1999. We miss Malcolm very much.
Please remember, if you live in the western US, there are coyotes in urban and suburban neighborhoods, not just out in the hills, and cats look like coyote chow. Even if you don't live out here, life expectancy for outdoor cats is much lower. Keep us indoors, or at least supervise our outdoor explorations!
A Day Without Cats: A Counter-Protest - Samhain Responds to the Day of No Cats on the Internet
Here is my opinion of A Day Without Cats, 9/9/09. (Links is an overview of The Day Without Cats written by my feeder-person.)
My Cat Toy and Cat Product Recommendations
The following item meets with my unreserved approval.
Funny Cat Music Video: "Dances With Bricks" - Samhain the Cat in All Her Pulchritude
We've moved away from the apartment where the Concrete Dance made its debut. No one ever managed to film the original dance, but I am happy to report that Bricks make a fine substitute. My feeder-person was careful to buy a condo with an enclosed patio that now belongs to me.
Cat Christmas Cards for Fans
Snapped by My Owner Christmas Eve
December 2007: Once again, the trip there is a pain, but the house itself is a good cat playground. I'm still not sure about this white stuff that was falling that night.
December 2008: Bah humbug.
Samhain the Cat Video: Rototail Remix - Birdwatching Duty
Other Cats Who Aren't As Cute As I Am
My owner thinks these cat videos are funny. Yawn.
You may leave a token of your adoration below.
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© 2007 Ellen Brundige