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Samhain the Cat, Dancing Queen

Updated on January 14, 2015

You May Kiss the Royal Paw

My owner has neglected to make a shrine to the house god, so I have threatened to yark on her Dance Dance Revolution pad every day until she submits. (Could be worse-- at least it's easy to clean.)

My name is Samhain, and I was adopted from a shelter on Hallowe'en 1996. My owner claims she named me this because Samhain is the Celtic name for that holiday, but I know it's really because she likes tormenting vets. ("It's pronounced how?") I approve of mind games, especially against vets. Unfortunately, "Sah-wain" is hard to explain, so she's lied and told them my nickname is Squeaky. How undignified.

I do not squeak. I am a fully-trained cat orator, with a larger vocabulary than many humans. It's not my problem that my owner can only understand about 10 words. At least she knows the difference between "food," "water dish," "litter box," and "CONCRETE!!!" Here you may listen to my recital of a brief feline haiku.

I will explain about the concrete below.

The Concrete Dance - Cat Breakdancing

Each day I must be let out so that I may commune with concrete, bricks, or whatever patio surface my owner has provided.

The following video does not in fact show true concrete, but a satisfactory substitute. My feeder-person has an annoying habit of dragging me to her parents' house in Utah over the winter holidays, where I have to make do with Trexx decking material.

My Cat Photo Gallery

"Squint as you approach, lest you be blinded by my brilliance" -- K. Hepburn

Note: Some crass viewers have remarked on my weight. I assure you that I am a delicate flower. Besides, if my feeder-person tries to set mealtimes, I simply gobble up every molecule when the bowl is filled, and if I eat too fast, well, that's what the floor's for. We have reached a compromise: diet cat food in bowl 24/7, and (usually) no surprises.

That thumbnail at the top of the page doesn't do me justice, as you see.

Here is my baby picture. For those cats seeking to weasel your way into a home and acquire a feeder person, please remember: there is no substitute for cute, googly kitten eyes. Practice posing with your paws tucked for maximum effect.

Claiming the sunbeams before other cats can steal them is very important.

(Below) At left, you see my arch-nemesis, from whom I have to defend the sunbeams. She's 21, yet still has the nerve to claim the Utah house as hers! Luckily I only have to suffer being a prisoner in enemy territory once a year. At right, I am keeping a close eye on bird-shadows.

Watch This Video, Lower Your Blood Pressure - Samhain illustrating the simple joys in life

In 2008, my feeder-person thoughtfully bought a condo with an enclosed patio and garden for me. Goodbye, concrete, hello, bricks!

Samhain Appreciates Your Adoration - Hear the Cat Orator in Action

Cat-Computer Ergonomics - Proper Posture to Avoid Fatigue While Owner Is Using a Laptop

Cat sitting on laptop while I try to type
Cat sitting on laptop while I try to type

Incorrect computer posture can lead to fatigue. I would like to take a moment to explain how to sit on your feeder-person while she is using a laptop. With correct positioning, you should be able to nap in comfort.

Your position will depend on the shape of the feeder-person. If the feeder-person does not have much of a lap, you may need to sit fully across the keyboard. While this is warm, it can be uncomfortable, especially if your feeder-person is attempting to type.

UPDATE 2012:

See Cool Corner Desk With Cat Bed.

If you are lucky, you will have a well-padded feeder person. You can then drape yourself across the provided shelf and dangle a foot on the track pad for support. This position is preferred, since it will obscure the feeder-person's view of the dangerously distracting screen and ensure that she keeps her full attention where it belongs, on you.

If she persists in typing, place forepaws firmly on one or both wrists to encourage her to stop.

Malcolm: Former Cat Comrade

I'd like to paws for a moment to remember an old friend, Malcolm. Malcolm defended us from roses and other dangerous table settings.

Alas, he never met an open door he didn't like -- even when the Santa Ana winds blew it open while our owner was out running errands for us. That was in 1999. We miss Malcolm very much.

Please remember, if you live in the western US, there are coyotes in urban and suburban neighborhoods, not just out in the hills, and cats look like coyote chow. Even if you don't live out here, life expectancy for outdoor cats is much lower. Keep us indoors, or at least supervise our outdoor explorations!

A Day Without Cats: A Counter-Protest - Samhain Responds to the Day of No Cats on the Internet

Here is my opinion of A Day Without Cats, 9/9/09. (Links is an overview of The Day Without Cats written by my feeder-person.)

My Cat Toy and Cat Product Recommendations

The following item meets with my unreserved approval.

Fat Cat Kitty Hoots Zoom Around the Room Organic Catnip
Fat Cat Kitty Hoots Zoom Around the Room Organic Catnip

Any "Fat Cat" brand cat toys with their Hoots organic catnip will indeed make me zoom around the room. Keep toys in this ziplock bag of looseleaf Kitty Hoots to recharge them.

 

Funny Cat Music Video: "Dances With Bricks" - Samhain the Cat in All Her Pulchritude

We've moved away from the apartment where the Concrete Dance made its debut. No one ever managed to film the original dance, but I am happy to report that Bricks make a fine substitute. My feeder-person was careful to buy a condo with an enclosed patio that now belongs to me.

Cat Christmas Cards for Fans

Snapped by My Owner Christmas Eve

December 2007: Once again, the trip there is a pain, but the house itself is a good cat playground. I'm still not sure about this white stuff that was falling that night.

December 2008: Bah humbug.

 

Samhain the Cat Video: Rototail Remix - Birdwatching Duty

Other Cats Who Aren't As Cute As I Am

My owner thinks these cat videos are funny. Yawn.

You may leave a token of your adoration below.

Please share this page with fellow feline worshippers; the ads earn a few pennies towards an elderly cat's medical bills!

© 2007 Ellen Brundige

Cat Fan Mail

Submit a Comment

  • mythphile profile image
    Author

    Ellen Brundige 4 years ago from California

    @anonymous: Sorry, Samhain really REALLY did not like the measuring tape when I tried to answer this question, and then I forgot to try again. I just tried again, and she's still having none of it.

    I think she is a medium-sized cat: neither huge nor small. 13 pounds.

  • profile image

    anonymous 4 years ago

    @mythphile: Thank you Samhain and Ellen. Could Samhain tell me some more information about herself, like how tall and long she is? Our beautiful cat is quite big and we're wondering if he is too big to travel in a carrier. He is 55cm long (nose-tail) and 45 cm tall (tip of his ears). We want him to travel comfortably and I think he would feel safe in a carrier smelling my feet which of course smell like roses... The carrier looks good and we're thinking about getting the same kind for our Rapsu.

  • mythphile profile image
    Author

    Ellen Brundige 4 years ago from California

    @anonymous: Samhain: I can stretch myself out very long or cram into extremely tiny spaces so that my feeder-person cannot find me, a little bit like a kitty amoeba. However, for comparison, I'm about 12 pounds, or was during my flying years,

    (Ellen's note: Samhain is now 16 years old, and I stopped dragging her on airplanes two years ago, as I was worried about the stress of travel on a senior kitty. Also I now have a trusted neighbor who will check on her and feed her when I'm away. All told, Samhain flew on planes from age 3 until age 14. I still use this carrier to take her to the doctor!)

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    anonymous 4 years ago

    Thank you, the pictures of you are lovely. So you have travelleda lot by plane. How tall and long are you? I're trying to get our precious cat Rapsu from Finland to The States soon and hoping that he can travel in cabin with me.

  • profile image

    anonymous 5 years ago

    @orangegirl6020: your kitty is so cutyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.........

  • orangegirl6020 profile image

    orangegirl6020 5 years ago

    Your kitty is so very cute!!!

  • Adrienne Jenkins profile image

    Adrienne Jenkins 5 years ago

    I couldn't but help follow the cat chronicles.

  • favored profile image

    Fay Favored 5 years ago from USA

    Had to come back for a visit. I'm sure Samhain missed me. :)

  • delia-delia profile image

    Delia 5 years ago

    Darling lens and videos and Samhain the cat is adorable! My Kitty sends a Meeuw!

  • PTurner56 profile image

    PTurner56 5 years ago

    This is officially my favorite lens of all time! All the videos are great fun, but "Rototail" is a killer! Samhain has a "Plunger-butt" like my Princess ") You are truly a lens'master'!

  • favored profile image

    Fay Favored 5 years ago from USA

    The videos were fun. I love to watch cats. They are so entertaining.

  • KarenTBTEN profile image

    KarenTBTEN 6 years ago

    I can see how "concrete" got to be an important part of the kitty vocabulary. SquidAngel blessings.

  • mythphile profile image
    Author

    Ellen Brundige 5 years ago from California

    @anonymous: Samhain would not put up with anything on her collar, but Cooper's Kitty Cam is a great idea and for a good cause! I'm picky about what links I let people leave on my guestbooks, but that's really fur-tastic!

  • profile image

    anonymous 6 years ago

    Awesome! your kitty should make a video of its life!

    check it!

    http://bit.ly/kHVLFv

    this cat is already giving in a shot. hurry samhain and earn that oscar!

  • LisaMarieGabriel profile image

    Lisa Marie Gabriel 6 years ago from United Kingdom

    Love it! I would bless it if allowed! :)

  • QuirkySue profile image

    QuirkySue 6 years ago

    Heh, I'm a feeder person to a couple dogs. I'm not a CAT person, but I found this lens very entertaining :D

  • lilymom24 profile image

    lilymom24 6 years ago

    This is one of the most adorable lenses I've seen so far. Samhain is beautiful and the cat dancing is very entertaining. I'm reading a book called "We Are The Cat"....written from the cats perspective, like your lens. It's a fun read. =)

  • catbehaviors profile image

    catbehaviors 6 years ago

    Hey Samhain, I really enjoyed reading your lens! =^..^=

    *blessed*

  • AWildDog profile image

    AWildDog 6 years ago

    What an awesome and adorable cat!

  • The-Java-Gal profile image

    The-Java-Gal 6 years ago

    Wow! I can't let my feeder person see this, or she will start following me around with the video cam and by the time she gets it all set up, I am no longer cute! Paw salute to great feeder person training on your part!

  • daoine lm profile image

    daoine lm 6 years ago

    All hail Samhain most adoration worthy feline, may your laptop nap hours be many and refreshing. :-)

  • LisaAuch1 profile image

    Lisa Auch 6 years ago from Scotland

    This made me giggle! loved the dancing with concrete, clever cat

  • JoyfulPamela2 profile image

    JoyfulPamela2 6 years ago from Pennsylvania, USA

    Great job describing the world as we cats know it really is! (I know it says 'JoyfulPamela', but it is really me, Sebastian the Cat!) I like to climb up on my mom's belly when she is staring at the screen thing, but she tries to push me off. How dare she! Well, at least I can communicate with other SquidCats when she goes off to prepare dinner. Yum, hope she is making me fish! :P

  • LouisaDembul profile image

    LouisaDembul 6 years ago

    It was a pleasure to meet the royal cat!

  • profile image

    anonymous 6 years ago

    I like this pictures

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    julieannbrady 6 years ago

    You know, our little BOO-tie aka Boots the cat likes to sit and then cross her front paws in front of her. Not all our cats do that. I see your cat does that too? What does it all mean?

  • DecoratingEvents profile image

    DecoratingEvents 6 years ago

    Adorable. Love your humor and seeing things from a cat's perspective.

  • profile image

    anonymous 6 years ago

    This is a Squidoo Lens that just makes you say Aw!!!

  • profile image

    anonymous 6 years ago

    I lean down to kiss the paw of Samhain, oops, excuse me, make that the royal paw! Prrrrrrrr, what an adorable kitty! - Kathy

  • VarietyWriter2 profile image

    VarietyWriter2 6 years ago

    Blesssed by a SquidAngel :)

  • jenms lm profile image

    jenms lm 6 years ago

    What a sweet baby!

  • carny profile image

    carny 7 years ago

    Nice kitty ^^ I watched that "concrete dance" video and you know my cat does it as well! He loves going out in the balcony on my flat and rolling all over the floor. I can't figure out why he does it though, so weird.

  • profile image

    julieannbrady 7 years ago

    Ah ... I needed this! FAP you know. This was a purrfectly delightful respite for a break in my action this morning! Love that one picture on the left with the cat looking outside at the other cat and imagine what THEY were thinking! MEOW.

  • CherylsArt profile image

    Cheryl Paton 7 years ago from West Virginia

    Such a cute lens. Love your paws-entation!

  • WildFacesGallery profile image

    Mona 7 years ago from Iowa

    Great lens. I'm adding Samhain to my "Other Cats Worth Listening To" module on my Ask The Budda lens. Budda is the all wise all knowing gallery cat.

    4 paws = 5*

  • Louis Wery profile image

    Louis Wery 7 years ago from Sarasota, Florida USA

    Cute cat and delightful lens!

  • Kharadriisa LM profile image

    Kharadriisa LM 7 years ago

    Sooo cuttteeee and fat :) I love hefty cats. My best friend has a cat that's humongous and so adorable.

  • admiralglass lm profile image

    admiralglass lm 7 years ago

    Hi Samhain. My name is Onni and let me say that you don´t look like a I squeaker. You look like a bodybuilder like myself. I am mainly concetratingn to build up my stomach area. I have teached few words to my owner too: breakfast, snack, lunch, dinner, supper, attention and litter box. The human aren´t very clever but then again you can´t always get what you want. Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr fect 5* lens

  • kezan98 lm profile image

    kezan98 lm 8 years ago

    Thanks for joining the Cat Party Group, We've given you a top rating for this cat lens

  • profile image

    jwooten80 8 years ago

    Samhain, you are beautiful! You look a lot like my compainion, Doober, except she doesn't have the gorgeous brown and black that you have! If you have time, check her out on my lens about my three cute kitties! Great lens, getting 5's from me. Thanks for sharing!

  • VladimirCat profile image

    Vladimir 8 years ago from Australia

    High Paw Samhain! Watch out for that snow stuff, I hear it's damp

  • profile image

    Mountainside-Crochet 8 years ago

    Samhain, you are the funniest cat I have ever met.... and, I must say, your writing skills are excellent! Do you suppose some of your talent [tummy]-rubbed off on you from your adoring feeder person? I do hope you will continue to keep us informed via more pictures and stories on "The World According to Sanhain". You are the 'Cat's Meow'!

  • profile image

    grannysage 8 years ago

    Wileykat sent me to tell you thanks for visiting His lens, White Cats Can't Jump. As he is sitting above my computer at the moment, he also wants to remind everyone that he can jump just fine now. He also wants to tell Samhain that he likes his name "not like the silly name Lily my first owners gave me." He asks that I lensroll this to his lens, because he is collecting lenses from all his friends. Great job, feeder person!.

    He also doesn't really want anyone to know this, but he does not wander far from home, because he chooses to come back in the house to use the kitty litter. Sshhh!

  • SusannaDuffy profile image

    Susanna Duffy 8 years ago from Melbourne Australia

    My companion, Vladimir, directs me to pass on his regards. He wishes to thank you for joining him at the Feline Friends Group

  • mythphile profile image
    Author

    Ellen Brundige 8 years ago from California

    [in reply to classicars] A very touching and appropriate comment from someone who properly appreciates cats. I have asked my owner to film my response (see below).

  • profile image

    classicars 8 years ago

    I love you, Samhain. You are beautiful. And I love this lens. Reminds me of all the cats in my life. And so what if there are a tensy bit of a couple extra ounces. (Note, I did say ounces - NOT pounds).

  • profile image

    Oosquid 8 years ago

    Samhain is gorgeous and I love the concrete dance. 5 stars for a great lens.

  • delia-delia profile image

    Delia 8 years ago

    what a great lens! love the pictures and beautiful cat...check out my Feral Kitty lens, the new love in our lives...5*

  • LisaDH profile image

    LisaDH 8 years ago

    Your feeder person must surely feel blessed to have the honor of catering to such an amazing creature.

  • ZenandChic profile image

    Patricia 8 years ago

    This lens is cool. I love the pictures!

  • annetteghallowe1 profile image

    annetteghallowe1 9 years ago

    I do love all animals, but I am forever bound to cats. Thanks for a lens that affirms what Sassy said in Homeward Bound, "Cats rule and dogs drool!" 5* Makes me want to make a lens for my cats too!

  • tandemonimom lm profile image

    tandemonimom lm 9 years ago

    Samhain, your concrete dance is a thing of beauty. Thank you for sharing your greatness with us poor humans! 5 stars

  • profile image

    jerryg5706 9 years ago

    I really like your lens.. Those are some great pics, especially the one with the 2 cats sitting above the computer. Kind of reminds me of what is in front of and above me right now. I've got a site that talks about how to find the right airline pet carriers that your readers might find helpful. Loved the lens, & I'll be back checking for updates!

  • CrypticFragment1 profile image

    Tammy Winand 9 years ago from McleodGanj HP India

    Samhain, a cat of great taste...and girth! We have seven of the critters. I also have a cat lens,

    https://hubpages.com/animals/cattalker Please drop by!

  • profile image

    LeslieBrenner 9 years ago

    Oh, one of my two cats, Binks, jealously guards sunbeams and bug shadows too. Here's a secret cat diary, which is pretty funny and will entertain Samhain, it starts: "DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting."

  • CherylK profile image

    Cheryl Kohan 9 years ago from Minnesota

    I LOVE this lens. Cats are brilliant creatures but I must admit that Samhain seems to be above average. You might be interested in a blogpost about a cat that I'm caring for while housesitting in Washington state. She's adorable and I'll miss her when her owners return. The link is Muffin H. Tinn I'm a new lensmaster and I'm reading everything I can on Squidoo.

  • Gatsby LM profile image

    Gatsby LM 9 years ago

    5* for a minute, I thought I was looking at my neighbors cat. Beautiful! Solve Dog Behavior Problems

  • DogWhisperWoman1 profile image

    DogWhisperWoman1 9 years ago

    )h Gosh! 5* That is some cat! Best Dog For Child

  • daoine lm profile image

    daoine lm 9 years ago

    Samhain is absolutely gorgeous! And I totally agree that guarding the sunbeams is the most important daily task anyone can be honoured with. Only the best will succeed at it. SquidAngel beams for Samhain. ~~o~~

  • profile image

    AnneEasterling 10 years ago

    Delightful that you've included me on your clever page! From Oreo, the Escape Cat (typed by Anne)

  • JonitasKalimpo profile image

    JonitasKalimpo 10 years ago

    What an eyes? Beautifulllllllll!

  • GypsyPirate LM profile image

    GypsyPirate LM 10 years ago

    Samhain: Mister Giles and Calypso send you all their best and they are very impressed with the way you have your human trained. They want to know if you sell instructional videos.

  • lizthefair profile image

    lizthefair 10 years ago

    Awesome! Cats are the best and you are close to the best of the best!

  • JohannDog profile image

    Johann The Dog 10 years ago from Northeast Georgia

    Nice job. Great tail! I must show my kittie brothers, they will want to 'one up' you!

  • profile image

    dougeby 10 years ago

    Soooooo funny. Great job. I'm noy laughing at you Samhain. 5 of course

    Goug