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10 Ways to LOOK Smarter than any of your coworkers (and possibly intimidate them with your brain).

Updated on November 16, 2012
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1. Keep a Rubiks Cube on your desk.

Everyone who grew up in the 80's knows that a Rubiks cube solver is a genius, therefore I keep one right on my desk for everyone to see.

Can I solve it? Of course not! but THEY don't know that.

TIP - Keep a new spare in your drawer. Some doubting coworker mixed it up while your at lunch? Problem solved. Just throw it out and put the new one on your desk.

Also -- do NOT peel the stickers off and try to but them back on in order, It's a dead giveaway.


2. Keep High Tech and Hard to Read magazines in your office.

Oh relax, you don't have to read them...(blah blah blah),...but for the full effect you do have to spend 5 minutes making some rabbit ears on the pages with big words. Sometimes I even use a highlighter.

TIP - Leave the magazines in highly visible areas. You spent good money on these mags, what good are they if your office can't see what your are supposedly reading?


3. Blast National Public Radio in the parking lot if you see coworkers around.

This one takes timing. Some mornings I'll sit across the street and wait for a few of my coworkers to arrive. Off goes the shock jock radio and on comes the NPR. I then slowly roll into the parking lot with my windows down and NPR blasting.

TIP - for optimal timing keep the NPR station on speed dial.

TIP - sometimes NPR throws out big, multisyllable words. Even if you don't know what they mean, just practice saying them. (I'll show you how to use these later on).

Source

4. Keep objects that reference the BRAIN in your office.

Brain pictures, brain art, brain books.... "Smart people use their brains, but REALLY smart people study the brain"

Do I know anything about the brain? Of course not! but there's a brain watercolor hanging on the wall that I painted myself (see pic)

(which has received quite a few remarks I might add)........

I also have several brain books and a brain paperweight, laser etched in crystal.....I put it on top of some of my "Techie" magazines.

Source

5. A MENSA membership booklet is pure gold sitting on your desk.

I bought mine on eBay, and this booklet SCREAMS High IQ right in their faces!BOOMshackalackalacka......

Tip -- for further proof of your genius catastrophocies, keep the mensa website as your homepage...

Example -- "So, you want me to pull up a spreadsheet and show you what exactly I've been working on all this time? No problem boss, let me just pull up my spreadsheet here" .... then pause while the computer homepage sits on MENSA.ORG for a second or two... see the effect here?

6. Keep a tobacco pipe handy.

I don't smoke, but it's a known fact that deep thinkers like to use pipes while pondering deep thoughts.

Example - Say a doubtful coworker asks you (for the 50th time) to solve the the Rubiks cube. I quickly pull my pipe out and strike my "Sherlock" pose, pause for a second (like their challenge intrigues me), and then run to that "logistics meeting" that I forgot about....."oops, late again"...

TIP - This pipe is priceless in company meetings. I never say anything, usually because I'm zoning out and have no idea as to what they are talking about. Once in a while I hold the pipe to my mouth, nod my head and give a "HMMMMM" , then slide back into my seat.

TIP - Make sure your company has a "logistics" department. I found out we don't actually have a "logistics" dep't after running late to my logistics meeting for the third time...

7. Load your bookshelf up with some of the hardest and most obscure books you can find.

Quantum Physics, Chaos Theories, anything by Steven Hawking.

TIP- the bookshelf is a GREAT place to keep a pipe. When someone actually recognizes one of these crazy hard to read books, and actually tries to start a conversation about it?...(!?)..., out comes my "Sherlock" pose.

TIP - Once the coworker has left the freakin office, immediatley throw the book away as to avoid any further conversations about that book. TIP - these books can get expensive, try yard sales or book stores that are going out of business. The hardest to read books are always the last to go.

Source

8. Use multiple monitors.

Right now I have seven. If you need 7 monitors, then you're REALLY busy (and a good multitasker!). You have to be smart to be a good multitasker.

Do I use all seven? Yes. Yes I do. . Two have these really cool screensavers that I like to zone out on. (Old school Windows Pipes, and Fish). One is for pictures, one for YouTube, one for facebook, one for hubpages, and the smallest one is for work.


9. Keep Lots of Brain Teasers around. (submitted by FF Commish). Pure Genius. If you have a half dozen puzzles or so, you only need to be able to solve one.......

Example -
"Can you really solve all these?" ...."Of course."....... "Show me!"
"That would be no fun -- you've got to figure them out for yourself."
"Seriously, just show me." "Okay, one and one only..."

10. Keep a digital voice recorder handy. It doesn't need to actually work (I think my batteries are dead, but still use mine daily).

Whenever I have to leave my office, I have a digital recorder in my hand and held up to my face. While walking by my coworkers, I'll talk into the microphone like I'm composing a very intelligent document, and I'll to use some of the biggest multisyllable words that I've heard on NPR

...."Ubiquitous Surrogation, ... Indeed I can surmise a superfluous multisyllabic metamorphosis"...

Don't worry!, you don't have to carry this fake conversation on for too long, as you'll be out of earshot in just a few steps anyway.

TIP - This maneuver not only helps me to look smart, but also helps me avoid conversations with certain doubting coworkers...... (aka my boss).

The Dividers -- All dividers used in this hub are used with permission granted on hub, Creating Dividers to Use on Your Hubs, by hubber homesteadbound. (Thanks Cindy).

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    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 2 years ago from Tampa, FL

      Hi Chuck :)), Awesome tips! I'm gonna use at least one of these at work today......Thanks for stopping by

    • Chuck Bluestein profile image

      Chuck Bluestein 2 years ago from Morristown, AZ, USA

      If you want to sound like you know a lot about medicine, when people are talking about cancer, call it malignant neoplasm or call a heart attack a myocardial infarction or call a stroke a cerebrovascular accident. This is a very funny post.

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 3 years ago from Tampa, FL

      Hi merej99 :), binary clock ey? Brilliant! looking for one on eBay now, thanks for the tip!

    • merej99 profile image

      Meredith Loughran 3 years ago from Florida

      This is hysterical. I actually have 2 rubiks cubes (one traditional and the other in various shades of gray) and I KNOW how to solve them. LOL I also keep a binary clock on my desk. Only the techies know how to read it - to everyone else it's an art piece. :)

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 4 years ago from Tampa, FL

      @StephSev108, Thanks so much :)

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 4 years ago from Tampa, FL

      @GusTheRedneck, that is Pure Genius! ( and will probably get added to the hub :) ), I can see it working now....."So boss, you want me to determine the scalability needs of future customer growth.... hold on a sec.....", then I'll pull out the biggest, craziest slide rule I can find, and throw around phrases like "Slope Intercept" , and "Triangulation"..... I can see the fear in his eyes now.... Brilliant!!! TY for the tip :)

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 4 years ago from Tampa, FL

      @Alecia Murphy, awesome! They do look kewl on the desk, TY for stopping by :)

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 4 years ago from Tampa, FL

      @Jeannieinabottle, awesome! just start off slowly, as you'll find these techniques can quickly turn from the "wow factor" to straight up intimidation. Start off with one or two and gauge how effective the results are :), thanks for stopping by!

      @CWanamaker, exactly, I can't tell you how many times some "doubting coworker" (boss) has mixed it up while at lunch. Gotta keep new ones hidden on standby (in the drawer) -- side note -- I don't throw the old ones away, I actually donate them to charity :)

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 4 years ago from Tampa, FL

      @Millionaire Tips, yep, so far I think I've pulled it off, my conversations with my digital recorder has succesfully isolated me from my coworkers in the hallway,(and lunch room, watercooler), as I'm sure they know I am composing something very intelligent.

      PS -- I now keep recordings of NPR on standby, as its hard to catch a good (multisyllable) topic at the right time while pulling into the parking lot .... a few times, after rolling up on my coworkers, I've had to immediately leave the parking lot, drive around the block and come back when the timing was better. Recordings are much easier to deal with.

      Thanks for the compliments and stopping by!

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Must be the fellow Artist in me as I love painting too and my mum was an Artist and loved watercolours particularly. I think your painting is excellent and very talented so don't mind those who have no eye for such things in the office!! LOL

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 4 years ago from Tampa, FL

      @ Suzie, thanks for the watercolor compliment :), some of the "remarks" around the office have been "vague" (are they insulting it or complimenting, not sure lolol), "well Jeff, that....., certainly is Something, isn't it?" ??? what does that mean? Thanks so much for stopping by :)

    • StephSev108 profile image

      Stephanie Marie Severson 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      I love it. Thanks for the great advice.

    • GusTheRedneck profile image

      Gustave Kilthau 4 years ago from USA

      Howdy Jeff (howlermonkey) -

      This one is a fun piece to read. Thanks.

      To really confound folks it helps to also keep a slide rule atop the desk nearby the computer. Most people today don't have a clue as to what a slide rule is for or the way they work or how to use one. The great big ones are best. You can learn something that has some arithmetic or "science" involved and when asked about your slide rule, you whip its pieces back and forth and parrot the nonsense you memorized. It is great good fun to watch folks eyes widen.

      Gus :-)))

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 4 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      This is really funny! I'm going to get a Rubik's cube for decoration!

    • CWanamaker profile image

      CWanamaker 4 years ago from Arizona

      If you keep a Rubik's cube on your desk, someone will probably ask you to solve it so be ready with a good excuse or comeback haha!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      This is great advice! I am going to start doing some of this today and wow all of my co-workers with my sheer brilliance! Thanks for this great advice!

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 4 years ago from USA

      Well sir, I think you are very smart for thinking of how to look smart for your coworkers and boss. These are all hilarious, and yet very useful at the same time. My office is going to have a few new additions over the next few months.

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hi Jeff,

      Great hub! What a funky idea, spot on the money! Loved your list, impressive watercolour painting my friend! Your monitors certainly do look impressive and mensa booklet is a great idea too! Vote up, more and sharing! Good job! :-)

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 4 years ago from Tampa, FL

      HA! Thanks Alocsin :), getting my label maker out tomorrow for my Dewey Decimal System. Will it be legit? of course not, But Ill try My best to make it looks so...

    • alocsin profile image

      alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

      How about a slide rule and thick glasses? And books not only arranged by subject but containing Dewey Decimal System labels? Great list. Voting this Up and Interesting.

    • CassyLu1981 profile image

      CassyLu1981 5 years ago from Spring Lake, NC

      Ya know, I have a bookshelf filled with books, a rubiks cube by my computer and so many different magazines. Yes, I can say it is to make me look a lot smarter them I probably am LOL Excellent hub :) Voted up and shared!

    • FF Commish profile image

      FF Commish 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

      Thanks for including the idea, howlermonkey -- much appreciated!! And thanks for the shout-out! I'll let you know about the Hubbers-only fantasy football league, too. Numbers are still low, though, so I'll put another post out there soon.

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 5 years ago from Tampa, FL

      Thanks Commish! Genius! I'm updating my hub now..., will read "11 ways to LOOK smarter than your coworkers" ;)

      (Would've done it sooner but been slammed).

      Don't forget to let me know when you get that hubber fantasy football league going.

    • FF Commish profile image

      FF Commish 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

      I'm the same way, howler. 7AM-10AM, ugh. Midnight or so? Rock it. That's why I'll need those things on my desk for my day job! :)

      One item to add, if I may: lots of those little wooden puzzles, brain teasers, etc. If you have a half dozen or so, you only need to be able to solve one. "Can you really solve all these?" "Of course." "Show me!" "That would be no fun -- you've got to figure them out for yourself." "Seriously, just show me." "Okay, one and one only..."

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 5 years ago from Tampa, FL

      :), Thanks Commish, means A lot. I wrote this after spending all night at the datacenter dealing with a down production server , seems I'm at my best (or worst?) when I'm absolutely exhausted hahaha.

    • FF Commish profile image

      FF Commish 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

      Brilliant, howlermunkey, brilliant!

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 5 years ago from Tampa, FL

      Thanks for the comments Window Pain :) , next on my shopping list: a telescope, excellent idea. Let me know if you ever want to sell some of your textbooks (especially the green covered physics book), always have room on my bookshelf!!

    • Window Pain profile image

      Window Pain 5 years ago

      Excellent post, all things I can use day-to-day!

      I’ve always kept my old scientific calculator for just such a reason. I’m an Excel expert, why the heck do I need an old calculator? To make me look smart.

      You forgot to mention textbooks. I only keep a few, ‘because they’re useful!’ Having too many would be a giveaway. My most imposing title, that gets the most looks, is simply titled “College Physics” but it has a worn old-school green canvas cover that commands respect – totally cool. Old Post-It notes are inserted here and there. The effect is complete.

      Never have a clean desk. The absent-minded professor never has a clean desk. And amidst the clutter; a Rubic’s Cube, a pipe, all the things so wisely listed by... ummm... howlermunkey. (You made it hard to end that sentence in dignity... with that name of yours)

      And the great-granddaddy of all things to make you look smart is...

      A telescope!

      Nothing screams intelligence like a telescope. But it should always remain aimed skyward, otherwise it can really give the wrong impression. Trust me.

      Werner

    • Marble Sweets profile image

      Marble Sweets 5 years ago

      Excellent...definitely going to get one soon as I get that corner office! Again, the concept you are putting forth on this hub is unique...in that you actually do have to take the employment jockeying to that level. I mean, I just attended a hospital orientation today where the CEO said "30% of the people currently employed here should be fired TODAY" holy crap. Maybe I'll organize a Mensa picnic HA

    • howlermunkey profile image
      Author

      Jeff Boettner 5 years ago from Tampa, FL

      Thanks for the Awesome Comment Marble Sweets! I did't buy a Mensa certificate, just a membership guide.(Can't cross the line there hahaha). I did buy that paperweight off of eBay however, its an Adderall XR paperweight. I just found one here -- http://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/brain-glass-...

    • Marble Sweets profile image

      Marble Sweets 5 years ago

      Wow...I freakin' LOVE this post! Because of the fact that it is such a damn competitive work-world these days,that you HAVE TO do something to get that edge,otherwise you will be dog-meat to your cohorts. These are some great ideas. Bought your Mensa certificate off Ebay...?! Not sure I would take it that far, but I definitely want to know where to get the plexiglass-enclosed brain to display.