10 Ways to LOOK Smarter than any of your coworkers (and possibly intimidate them with your brain).
1. Keep a Rubiks Cube on your desk.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's knows that a Rubiks cube solver is a genius, therefore I keep one right on my desk for everyone to see.
Can I solve it? Of course not! but THEY don't know that.
TIP - Keep a new spare in your drawer. Some doubting coworker mixed it up while your at lunch? Problem solved. Just throw it out and put the new one on your desk.
Also -- do NOT peel the stickers off and try to but them back on in order, It's a dead giveaway.
2. Keep High Tech and Hard to Read magazines in your office.
Oh relax, you don't have to read them...(blah blah blah),...but for the full effect you do have to spend 5 minutes making some rabbit ears on the pages with big words. Sometimes I even use a highlighter.
TIP - Leave the magazines in highly visible areas. You spent good money on these mags, what good are they if your office can't see what your are supposedly reading?
3. Blast National Public Radio in the parking lot if you see coworkers around.
This one takes timing. Some mornings I'll sit across the street and wait for a few of my coworkers to arrive. Off goes the shock jock radio and on comes the NPR. I then slowly roll into the parking lot with my windows down and NPR blasting.
TIP - for optimal timing keep the NPR station on speed dial.
TIP - sometimes NPR throws out big, multisyllable words. Even if you don't know what they mean, just practice saying them. (I'll show you how to use these later on).
4. Keep objects that reference the BRAIN in your office.
Brain pictures, brain art, brain books.... "Smart people use their brains, but REALLY smart people study the brain"
Do I know anything about the brain? Of course not! but there's a brain watercolor hanging on the wall that I painted myself (see pic)
(which has received quite a few remarks I might add)........
I also have several brain books and a brain paperweight, laser etched in crystal.....I put it on top of some of my "Techie" magazines.
5. A MENSA membership booklet is pure gold sitting on your desk.
I bought mine on eBay, and this booklet SCREAMS High IQ right in their faces!BOOMshackalackalacka......
Tip -- for further proof of your genius catastrophocies, keep the mensa website as your homepage...
Example -- "So, you want me to pull up a spreadsheet and show you what exactly I've been working on all this time? No problem boss, let me just pull up my spreadsheet here" .... then pause while the computer homepage sits on MENSA.ORG for a second or two... see the effect here?
6. Keep a tobacco pipe handy.
I don't smoke, but it's a known fact that deep thinkers like to use pipes while pondering deep thoughts.
Example - Say a doubtful coworker asks you (for the 50th time) to solve the the Rubiks cube. I quickly pull my pipe out and strike my "Sherlock" pose, pause for a second (like their challenge intrigues me), and then run to that "logistics meeting" that I forgot about....."oops, late again"...
TIP - This pipe is priceless in company meetings. I never say anything, usually because I'm zoning out and have no idea as to what they are talking about. Once in a while I hold the pipe to my mouth, nod my head and give a "HMMMMM" , then slide back into my seat.
TIP - Make sure your company has a "logistics" department. I found out we don't actually have a "logistics" dep't after running late to my logistics meeting for the third time...
7. Load your bookshelf up with some of the hardest and most obscure books you can find.
Quantum Physics, Chaos Theories, anything by Steven Hawking.
TIP- the bookshelf is a GREAT place to keep a pipe. When someone actually recognizes one of these crazy hard to read books, and actually tries to start a conversation about it?...(!?)..., out comes my "Sherlock" pose.
TIP - Once the coworker has left the freakin office, immediatley throw the book away as to avoid any further conversations about that book. TIP - these books can get expensive, try yard sales or book stores that are going out of business. The hardest to read books are always the last to go.
8. Use multiple monitors.
Right now I have seven. If you need 7 monitors, then you're REALLY busy (and a good multitasker!). You have to be smart to be a good multitasker.
Do I use all seven? Yes. Yes I do. . Two have these really cool screensavers that I like to zone out on. (Old school Windows Pipes, and Fish). One is for pictures, one for YouTube, one for facebook, one for hubpages, and the smallest one is for work.
9. Keep Lots of Brain Teasers around. (submitted by FF Commish). Pure Genius. If you have a half dozen puzzles or so, you only need to be able to solve one.......
"Can you really solve all these?" ...."Of course."....... "Show me!"
"That would be no fun -- you've got to figure them out for yourself."
"Seriously, just show me." "Okay, one and one only..."
10. Keep a digital voice recorder handy. It doesn't need to actually work (I think my batteries are dead, but still use mine daily).
Whenever I have to leave my office, I have a digital recorder in my hand and held up to my face. While walking by my coworkers, I'll talk into the microphone like I'm composing a very intelligent document, and I'll to use some of the biggest multisyllable words that I've heard on NPR
...."Ubiquitous Surrogation, ... Indeed I can surmise a superfluous multisyllabic metamorphosis"...
Don't worry!, you don't have to carry this fake conversation on for too long, as you'll be out of earshot in just a few steps anyway.
TIP - This maneuver not only helps me to look smart, but also helps me avoid conversations with certain doubting coworkers...... (aka my boss).