ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to Survive An Office Party

Updated on May 10, 2011

Office parties are

See results

Such Fun!

With each passing day, the date of the dreaded office party draws closer. You have been assigned the job of purchasing “festive” napkins. The thought of this party doesn’t put you in an even remotely festive mood. Office parties are pointless, a contradiction. You go to work to make money, not to socialize. You don’t like the people you work with, not even the one you “borrow” paper clips from. This party is pointless, almost as pointless as your job. You wonder if you’ll get paid overtime for attending this shindig.

Why do bosses insist upon holding office parties? Are they really that oblivious that they don’t realize that no one (including themselves) wants to be there? Or do they realize and enjoy punishing others? An office party is not really a party. It’s a bunch of underpaid workers standing around a room, pretending to enjoy speaking with each other when they’re just scanning the room for alcohol and food worth digesting. Office parties are a waste of time even when they are thrown by the best intentioned people.

How do you survive these parties? I have no earth shaking answers, but I do have a few ideas. I will share them with you now.

  • Try not to think of the time you’re wasting at this party. Instead, use this time to promote yourself to the boss. Pretend that you’re enjoying the party. Thank him/her for throwing such a great gala. Never stop smiling. Hopefully, they’ll take notice of how much of a good sport you are compared to your grimacing coworkers and remember this when they’re giving out raises and promotions.
  • Tank up on all of the free food. If you’re like many of the people I know, you went for the food in the first place. In one of your pockets, you should have an empty bag to take home as many leftovers as you can. With so many starving people out there, it would be a shame to not fill up multiple bags.
  • This is a prime opportunity to really get to know your coworkers. Find out as much as you can about them at these parties. There are tons of bizarre people who enjoy telling others of their antics (flying cats, fish walking, etc.). You should take note of these stories and write a bestselling book about these people. Books about weird people sell like hot cakes!
  • I have heard legend of office parties that end with a prize giveaway. If you don’t attend, how can you win a cookie jar shaped like a hunk of cheese or a gift certificate to a dry cleaning service with a shady record?

While attending office parties is never fun, it’s a part of your job. If you skip one of these parties, you get bad office karma. Your coworkers will turn on you for not suffering along with them (How dare you not listen to your boss and his wife do a duet karaoke version of Ghetto Superstar for a fifth year in a row?!?). Plus, your boss will take notice and will add that to the list of reasons why he/she should find a concrete reason to fire you. Missing an office party, no matter how pointless, is never a good idea. And so, the next time an office party rolls around, be sure to make an appearance. If keeping your job isn’t motivation enough, I’m sure that yummy cheese platter will be.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)