Job Hunting In Las Vegas Part 2 ~ STILL Looking!
My conclusion? Las Vegas Is Just A WEIRD Place To Try To Find A Job!
I'm still searching for a job here in Las Vegas, while still finding all kinds of opportunities listed in some pretty humorous ways on Craigslist. But I just don't know if I'm really qualified for some of these!
Grab a cup of your favorite beverage, pull up a chair and join me on my daily job hunt... let's see....
ADULT MODEL ~
If you LOVE cars and trucks, send a shot of yourself in bra and panties and you'll be asked to send more photo's, including nude. Ok, so why in the WORLD do you have to be nekkid to sell a car? Better not try for this one, don't think there's anything on this granny anyone wants to see! (Winking!) But the pay IS $3,000... nope, best to keep granny's junk, including that in the trunk, covered UP! Besides, what gravity does is ... just not pretty! NEXT!
DON'T GET JERKED AROUND ~
Very good money in beef jerky sales, this jerky SELLS! Beef, Turkey and Buffalo jerky...
Wow, "turkey jerky" rhymes! (Spoken like a poet!)... I am kinda tired of being "jerked around" GET IT?? This is a play on words!!! WOW!!
Don't think I'm quite qualified to be a Beef, Turkey or Buffalo jerky salesman. The only thing I know about buffalo's are "oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam"... not qualified to sing either evidently, judging by the neighborhood dog's howling... better look around some more...
Well, here's an interesting one!
LOOKING FOR A BACHELOR PARTY GIRL ~
I am a dancer who entertains at bachelor parties, looking for another cute girl serious about making good money - send full body pic for consideration.
Why do so many of these ads want body pics? SHEESH! I'm a cute girl, but I don't think I want to go to bachelor parties, I heard that they can get pretty WILD here in Vegas, did you ever see "The Hangover?" Or "The Hangover Two"... Or, to be released in the future "Hangover three?" By the way, parts of "Hangover three" are being filmed in Las Vegas again! Hmmm... wonder if they are going to need any "extra's?" Better look around some more...
SEEKING BODYGUARD ~
6'4 tall (well, that just ruled ME out! Granny is lucky if I top 5' 1"!)
Muscular (uhhhh, not quite!) Unless you count that stuff that hangs under the arms and flaps..ehem... Nope, not muscular.
Must own nice suits (nope!)
Ok now, maybe I could give this one a shot!
TATTOO ARTIST NEEDED FOR LAS VEGAS SHOP~
Well, the only thing I can even draw is a little cartoon dog, so unless there is a HUGE demand out there for tattoo's of cartoon dogs, I better look for something else! Although, those cartoon dogs sure could entertain the grand kids!
DENTURE LAB TECHNICIAN ~
WOOHOO!!! MY sister in law is going to be SOOOOOO jealous if I get this one!! A few years back, we were having a family portrait taken. She and I showed up for the photo with BILLY BOB TEETH in our mouths!!! When we SMILED, we giggled like a couple of 10 year old schoolgirls!! She still teases me that I got the "GOOD TEEF" of the family!
Now with this job, I could DESIGN some pretty cool "teef." Yeah, maybe I can even design a "grill" or two hmmm, gold, silver or diamonds for your grill ma'am? Uhh..I'm guessing I might be over-qualified for this profession... better try another one!
Multi talented musician seeks band - I sing and play guitar - applicant must be able to fill in their own grove (I'm thinkin' he means groove here). NO Wanna-Be's, Cry Babies or Know-It-Alls
But, what if we really DO know it all?? Hmmmm??? Do I still have a shot at this one? I didn't think so .... waaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! I wanna-be!!!! Oh wait, my singing made the neighbor dog howl, see the job listing above... better look for something else.
CHINESE REAL ESTATE AGENT ~
We have Chinees investors..... (and we know how to use spell-chucker, too!) Ok, so I threw in that part about spell checker! I don't speek Chinees, I don't think it's Chinees anyway - I better keep looking...
EXPERIENCED SALES GIRLS/ HOSTESSES ~
MACHINE GUNS VEGAS IS HIRING
QUIT YELLING ALREADY, WILL YA? DONT'CHA KNOW THAT ALL CAPS IS YELLING? There, I feel better! I don't know a thing about machine guns, except for what I've seen in the movies... those movies are not a good influence by the way! So, I'll pass on this one!
Now here's a good one!
SANTA'S WORK ~
Is working from home one of your wishes on your Santa's list? (Well, maybe!) Get cash and gifts like a $200 gift card from WalMart and $50 cards...
You know that old saying, don't you? "If it sounds TOO good to be true, it probably is!"....
Guess I won't be doing Santa's work this year! But then again.... a $200 gift card from Wally Mart might be irresistible - maybe I could get myself into the Merry holiday spirit by cruising the WalMart aisles looking for holiday time "People of Wal Mart". There ya go!
Wow, check this one out!
HUSTLERS NEEDED AND BAD B*TCHES~
(YES), they really DID use the B word in an employment ad! This ad goes on to say:
We want hustlers, people who have BOMB attitudes, NO NEGATIVE PEOPLE, call Jazz.
First of all, I have an attitude, but I don't know if it's "bomb" (ha!!!) Secondly, anyone named "Jazz" sounds like a shady character to me, I'm gonna pour another cup of coffee here and continue looking... would you like some coffee? This "Caramel Macchiato" coffee creamer is REALLY good! Hey, this is my "bomb" selling attitude! Have a cup with me!
CASHIER WITH SWAGGER ~
Ok, so I TRIED cashiering once, HATED IT!!!! So, I betcha I have some "SWAGGER"... (Does this mean we get to hang with Johnny Depp and wear our hair rasta style and carry a sword?) Must have:
Valid Sheriff's card (I would HOPE SO!)
Contagious smile (I guess it's contagious?)
No Visible tattoo's or piercings... well, that just knocked 99% of Las Vegas out of the running for THIS job!
Well, this is interesting....
DATERS WANTED ~
This is not a prostitution service (whew, had me worried there for a sec!)... but one of legal, public companionship for a few hours on any given evening. Go on a date with professionals who are here on business, must be flirty and attractive...
(I have visions of the movie "Pretty Woman" going thru my head right now!)...Yep, these businessmen are not married either are they, and they are all rich and just lookin' for a good time ~
I can wink pretty good and I've been told I clean up pretty nice, maybe I oughtta give this one a shot! Can my hubby come along? We both like free food! Ok, I guess not! ~
ACME SECURITY ~
Qualified unarmed guard ~ must be presentable!
SNORT!!!! I just blew coffee all over my monitor!!! Did you SEE how attractive my HAIR was when I woke up this morning?? SHEESH!!! Hardly what I would call presentable ~ Gawd, I better keep lookin' ~
Hey, this is an interesting one for sure!
ONLINE ACTING WEB REPS~
We are an all women-owned business and we are currently looking for females and "Femimen"... YEP, you read that right, "FEMIMEN"...
Only the seriouse will be selected - we take our business very serious, so please do not waiste our time
(And yes, those misspellings ARE in their ad!) Well, they ARE looking for females, wonder what they pay? (KIDDING!!!) I am not much of an actress or "FEMIMEN" actor! NEXT!!
And just like in my first article about job hunting in Las Vegas, these are all TRUE, real ads that have appeared here on Craigslist in Las Vegas! Now don't y'all start running for the airport so you can move here... I don't need any more competition for these high fallutin' high payin' jobs that require full body shots, some even ask for nekkid photos! (Winking!!)
Although, did you know that there ARE slot machines in the Las Vegas airport? I didn't either til I moved here! Some days I think I'd have better luck playin' the slots! ~ Like I said before, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction ~ you just can't make this stuff up!
Check out my first attempt at Job Hunting In Las Vegas Here!
- A Humorous Look At Job Hunting in Las Vegas
A humorous look at job hunting in Las Vegas! Truth is stranger than fiction...