Perfect The Art Of Slacking at Work. (The Underachievers Holy Grail)
After years of expertise, I now offer my tricks of the trade to help you excel in slacking at the workplace.
Slacking is....an art. It is not for the timid, It is not for the sheep. It is a way to get through the workday without thoughts of suicide. I have been chosen as employee of the month many times at many different jobs, all while slacking. Now of course the industry you are in will differ in techniques and ways to get by on the bosses dime.
I myself, work in an office and that usually will be the best place to get by without doing a thing.
First rule of slacking is ALWAYS be on the lookout. Pay attention to what is going on around you and always look for your boss. And not only your boss, but fellow employees that would tell on you.
The second rule is to always LOOK BUSY. When someone walks by your desk or cubicle, frown your face like you are in the middle of a complex math quiz. That way someone will always think you are busy, and thinking. They will generally leave you alone and not add to your workload.
If you are tired of sitting at your desk and want to walk around, go ahead! Make sure that you carry a clipboard at all times. If no clipboards are in your arsenal, then a stack of papers or a file folder filled with papers will be your friend. Always carry something and walk at a pace like you are late to a meeting and no one will question you. When someone looks as if they are on their way to something in the office, they are usually left alone.
SIDE NOTE: Now if you are in a warehouse or factory type job, you can easily hide behind things in an area where no one can see you and take a cat nap.
Another rule is BATHROOMS are your FRIEND. You can sleep in a bathroom stall a lot. If you are questioned by your boss, then inform him or her that you had some bad taco's last night and they are not sitting well in your tummy. That usually will keep the higher up's off your back.
I usually wait to take poops until I get to work as well. I get paid to poop, and I can save money on toilet paper and water at home as well. It is a win-win situation. And bosses usually do not bother when they see you were taking extended bathroom breaks.
If you want to use the internet at work, Always pull up a private browsing session. This way, your computer will not save a history and you won't need to delete information. You can browse as you would like, unknown to your employer.
The trick is to work for about 5 to 10 minutes every hour, so you get work done. This way you will be at an average pace with most other employees and no one will notice. Make sure you get along with co-workers and bosses and they usually won't bother you. I have excelled mostly by slacking and playing the political game in the office. Laugh at your bosses jokes, and root for whatever sports team or show you have similar interests and they will like and you will be his/her favorite employee.
You do not have to be a brownoser, you just have to say a few things a day and you are good. When you overdo it, you will be on their radar and they may come over to talk to you a lot and that will make slacking harder. You want to be an average employee that is sociable to skate along and excel.
With these techniques I have been promoted to management positions, and recieved many awards and accolades. These are best suited for people that are social and multi-taskers. If you cannot concentrate on more than one thing at a time, perfecting these skills will not be impossible, but much harder.
Any questions are welcomed and I will be updating more tricks soon. I just put up what I could think of right at this moment, see, do not overdo anything. The world loves average people.