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Updated on November 18, 2009

Last January I had a dream.

I bought a package from Yahoo that was supposed to show me all these at-home business opportunities. Unfortunately, Yahoo doesn't screen these people. Almost all of them are scams. From debtfreerights to all these things. People who are already in this position where they're willing to spend 2,000 dollars of their savings to never work anymore...are going to have a bit of mental anguish when they see how these bastards take advantage of the fact that dealing with them on the internet means you're not face to face with them. Know their names. Fine. It comes down to paying lawyers. They always know it comes down to paying lawyers.

This is what I don't get.

Clearly I was able to give them 2,000 dollars.

They don't think SOME people they screw over for this kind of money might be able to acquire a lawyers fee as well?

There are 5 things that all these pieces of crap say and we'll get to that. First it's a hassle to go into your pocket and get that stupid card out. You pay the thing. It's like 190. Then you get a call a few days later. They're all excited, you're all excited. And then if you're name is Rob, they say...

Now Rob...

It's at this point that you must say these magic words: "It's no wonder you're a salesman, because your wife is only with you due to aggressive, annoying, forceful persuasion."

Because what happens is they say these 10 ten things.

1) "I have two children, I am not that kind of person that steals."

-This is PRECISELY the kind of person that steals! Someone who has to buy diapers, insurance, braces, skateboards, Malt-o-Meal, Lunchtable packets, juiceboxes, new shoes, new eyeglasses. Please.

2) "I've been doing this for fourteen years."

--Bitch you don't have ANY WAY TO PROVE this to me. Nobody has to be thirty-seven years old before they become physically able to utter some...phrase.

3) "We're giving you this beautiful, beautiful, website."

--Ah yes, with no advertising. That you have to pay for. This is the kicker. The advertising on a 1,000 dollar website package will run you as much as they can get you for. They like to say "How much do you want to make?" You'll say hell -- 2,000 a month was what I wanted to start on. They say okay --

And it's at this moment that they bust out the stupidest little sales model pitch you've ever heard in your paint-huffing life --"We like to take what people want to make per month, and multiply it by 12 months in a year, so you should give us $24,000."

2,000 times 12 months in a year. I've gotten about thirteen sales and sales pitches, probably more, and at least FIVE OF THEM have given me this bogus pitch. Where do they learn this crap? The on-line business school at the University of Expired Meats? You see they take the advertising money you give them, and turn around and buy it for like 50 dollars anyway. And you'll wonder why you don't see any returns. BECAUSE THEY ONLY SPENT 50 DOLLARS TO ADVERTISE!!!

4) "There are alot of scams out there, we're not one of them."

Then why would you deliberately present yourself in the same forum that they would? I got you from the same scum puddle as fifteen others, you know they're all scams then only a moron wouldn't see that it's a freaking detriment to your own legitimate business that you would present yourself in the same exact way as the other ones.

5) "Sir you're going to have to pay for something when you buy something on the internet."

The men always think they can talk to me like close friends or my dad, who want to present a fact like this in the thinking that I will SHAPE UP?!!! and realize I'm living in a dream world? What am I, a chick? Go date your hoodrats, you don't know how to talk to nobody you just met like that!

6) "It's not about reinventing the wheel."

When you finally put these punks in a corner, hang up on them, swear at them, they'll call back and give you a smaller price. Ah hah. And then you'll set up a meeting with a consultant who is so, so upset with you that you just ripped his balls off. And so he'll try to further get the upper hand on you psychologically by hitting you with another business lesson. Unfortunately all inbreeders are in business. It's a hell of a lot less challenging them mechanics, engineering, pharmaceutals, construction, I mean I came ever so close to running an internet business without even producing a resume.

7) "I'm in a meeting."

Son of a b.

8) "Don't you want to hear the presentation?"

NO bitch! I can't STAND your horrible presentations!!! 45 minutes of broad lies? I don't go to presentations! Now wonder those people think Hollywood and best seller list status is a fantasy, because is it for THEM!!!! They go up there and have no god damn idea the difference between a lecture and presentation. They think they can present boring facts in the same boring way they talk recreationally and they can't. You dose off because you don't want to boo this half-invalid off the stage or you'll hurt his precious feelings like the retarded kid who's up there blowing his lines in the school play.

9) "Are you serious?! You want to miss out on every opportunity this package has? All you have to do is buy this guide that has all the answers for 10 dollars, and you won't do it?"

--No, I won't do it. Because I just bought your program and now I keep reaching the ends of the lessons and the ends of the putting it all together to discover that there's a whole bunch of bullcrap that's not included. I'm boycotting this whole project then because you can't get away with doing this to people. No, I don't care if your book is 10 dollars. From your content e-mails I really thought you were different from the other boys. That you understood me. That we had a connection. I'm going to go and put my dress in the closet.

10) "Sir in these economic times--"

I know! That's why I don't fall for the stupid, stupid, stupid scam of working hard when you're poor.So everyone can laugh at you? Please. Ladies like this. I think not. That's why I wanted so desperately to work at home. Thanks yahoo. Hey maybe the Tasty Freez is hiring! I was always wondering what it would be like to get robbed at gunpoint!

And now CLICK below. It will make you a billionaire by doing nothing but wacking off!


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