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The naked Irish farmer

Updated on July 5, 2010

that's what I get for sleeping in the hallway

In my last hub, "One day I woke up and I was an innkeeper", I mentioned that in order to make the most money possible, I would rent out all five of my bedrooms and sleep in the hallway just outside the kitchen on the first floor. I dug out my camper cot, set it up, and closed off the space, which is about 6X8 square feet. There are 7 doors leading into that space: the door to the garden, the basement door, the back stairway to the second floor door, the door to the kitchen, the bathroom door, the door to the dining room, and the door to the reception area. These old houses are amazing.

When I went to sleep at night, I would close and lock the doors leading to the dining room & reception area. The bed was fitted in between the reception area door and the door leading to the second floor (the old maid's stairway). I clipped a lamp onto the wrought iron rack of recipe books, next to the bed so that I could read myself to sleep. The camper cot was pretty uncomfortable, so I put a foam rubber pad on it, a down comforter, pillows, etc, but it was still uncomfortable. I was camping in my own back hallway, but it wasn't anywhere near as nice as Cumberland State Park.

The door leading to the second floor had pane glass on the top half of it. I had not hung curtains on it because no one but myself used that back stairway. When I lay down to sleep, I could see the wall up at the top of the first landing, where I hung a huge Victorian wreathe with roses and ivy all over it. At least I had something aesthetically pleasing to look at, which is important for Libras like myself.

The week of the Farm Machinery Show, I booked 12 farmers from Ireland into my Inn. They took over every one of my guest rooms. They were great guys, friendly and fun. They even brought me a beautiful Irish linen dish towel with a map of Ireland on it. And, they helped me clear out the small black refrigerator in the dining room, by drinking all the left over beer that had accumulated from other guests. I was grateful for this, because now I was able to fill it with sodas and bottled water, which most guests preferred.

On the second night they were here, they returned from the trade show, drank the rest of the beer which they now stored in the little refrigerators in their rooms and went to bed. All was quiet as I fell asleep, exhausted after that morning's big breakfast fiasco (refer to: "I woke up one day and I was an innkeeper"). I was out like a light, when, all of a sudden I heard a clump, clump, clump down the back stairway. It woke me immediately. I looked up to see a totally naked farmer stumbling down the back stairs towards me and my camper cot. There was nothing between him and me except the door with its pane glass window, which I had left unlocked.

I jumped up, bolted for the key I'd left in the door lock, and shouted "Hey! What do you want?" I guess it scared him, cause he turned on a dime and made a beeline back up the stairs, presumably, to his room. Next morning at breakfast, I heard the group talking about how Harry was sleep walking again. When I came into the dining room, they asked if I'd heard Harry wandering around the house last night. "No" I said, "I didn't hear a thing", thinking " I've got to make sure the back door stays forever locked 'til the trade show is over and the house is empty again."


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