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The naked Irish farmer

Updated on July 5, 2010

that's what I get for sleeping in the hallway

In my last hub, "One day I woke up and I was an innkeeper", I mentioned that in order to make the most money possible, I would rent out all five of my bedrooms and sleep in the hallway just outside the kitchen on the first floor. I dug out my camper cot, set it up, and closed off the space, which is about 6X8 square feet. There are 7 doors leading into that space: the door to the garden, the basement door, the back stairway to the second floor door, the door to the kitchen, the bathroom door, the door to the dining room, and the door to the reception area. These old houses are amazing.

When I went to sleep at night, I would close and lock the doors leading to the dining room & reception area. The bed was fitted in between the reception area door and the door leading to the second floor (the old maid's stairway). I clipped a lamp onto the wrought iron rack of recipe books, next to the bed so that I could read myself to sleep. The camper cot was pretty uncomfortable, so I put a foam rubber pad on it, a down comforter, pillows, etc, but it was still uncomfortable. I was camping in my own back hallway, but it wasn't anywhere near as nice as Cumberland State Park.

The door leading to the second floor had pane glass on the top half of it. I had not hung curtains on it because no one but myself used that back stairway. When I lay down to sleep, I could see the wall up at the top of the first landing, where I hung a huge Victorian wreathe with roses and ivy all over it. At least I had something aesthetically pleasing to look at, which is important for Libras like myself.

The week of the Farm Machinery Show, I booked 12 farmers from Ireland into my Inn. They took over every one of my guest rooms. They were great guys, friendly and fun. They even brought me a beautiful Irish linen dish towel with a map of Ireland on it. And, they helped me clear out the small black refrigerator in the dining room, by drinking all the left over beer that had accumulated from other guests. I was grateful for this, because now I was able to fill it with sodas and bottled water, which most guests preferred.

On the second night they were here, they returned from the trade show, drank the rest of the beer which they now stored in the little refrigerators in their rooms and went to bed. All was quiet as I fell asleep, exhausted after that morning's big breakfast fiasco (refer to: "I woke up one day and I was an innkeeper"). I was out like a light, when, all of a sudden I heard a clump, clump, clump down the back stairway. It woke me immediately. I looked up to see a totally naked farmer stumbling down the back stairs towards me and my camper cot. There was nothing between him and me except the door with its pane glass window, which I had left unlocked.

I jumped up, bolted for the key I'd left in the door lock, and shouted "Hey! What do you want?" I guess it scared him, cause he turned on a dime and made a beeline back up the stairs, presumably, to his room. Next morning at breakfast, I heard the group talking about how Harry was sleep walking again. When I came into the dining room, they asked if I'd heard Harry wandering around the house last night. "No" I said, "I didn't hear a thing", thinking " I've got to make sure the back door stays forever locked 'til the trade show is over and the house is empty again."

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    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      7 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Thanks, Julia...but don't hold your breath. This submission process is taking forever. Have only sent out a few queries so far and am still rewriting and polishing those all important first 3 chapters.

    • SweetiePie profile image

      SweetiePie 

      7 years ago from Southern California, USA

      Looking forward to your book!

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      7 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Thanks, Julia. Yeah, they were all cute. Young, healthy farmers. One thing though...they sure ate a lot. :=)

    • SweetiePie profile image

      SweetiePie 

      7 years ago from Southern California, USA

      Oh I love the story. Perhaps I am being silly, but would not have minded if it were day time, and if he was cute.

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      8 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Gosh, Maggs, what a great thing to say. I really appreciate it. This story will be going in the memoir I'm writing. In fact, the name of my memoir is Operatic Divas and Naked Irishmen. I'm about half-way finished.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 

      8 years ago from Sunny Spain

      What a brilliant hub, you write in such a way as I forget I am reading and it is like I am there observing the scene just over your shoulder.

      The naked farmer was a little scary until I realised what was happening Lol..

      Like Tom said you have a gift for painting with words. I am voting you up

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      8 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Wow! You've really been making the rounds among my hubs. Appreciate it and the many nice remarks...Thanks.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 

      8 years ago from Northeast of Dallas, Texas

      Naked farmers conjure up a weird set of images. I once visited a nudist camp where I saw a guy mowing the yard wearing only socks and shoes. Guess his feet didn't need the same freedom as the rest of him did.

      Your situation could have turned out much different. I'm so glad it was a funny outcome. Another enjoyable hub.

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      8 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Thanks, SG, for the nice comment. Glad you dragged this one out for an airing. It's very funny in retrospect...not so much at the time.

    • profile image

      SilverGenes 

      8 years ago

      This is hilarious! From the kindhearted lads helping get rid of all that beer to the sleepwalking nymph in the hallway, you had me laughing all the way through. The title got me in here - just not one you usually see :))))

      I'll be back for more!

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      9 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Thanks for the nice comment.

    • Chris Cook profile image

      Chris Cook 

      9 years ago from Key West, Florida

      That Harry Devil! Works every time. He's a legend back in Bangor. I know it made your day, just kidding! Cute hub!

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      9 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Thanks, Freta, really appreciate the good comments.

    • fastfreta profile image

      Alfreta Sailor 

      9 years ago from Southern California

      What a funny experience, I feel as if I were there. Such good writing. Keep 'em coming.

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      9 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Thanks for the comment. Although my Inn is in-town, it's pretty quiet, as we are 12 blocks from the downtown area and 8 blocks from the University. We're in a residential, preservation area, the third largest in the US; it's not really that busy.

    • Ivorwen profile image

      Ivorwen 

      9 years ago from Hither and Yonder

      Great story! I love the description of your house, and know what it is like to sleep in a busy area. :)

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      9 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Theresa, We do have a lot of fun here. I never intended to be an Innkeeper, but it's one of the best decisions I ever made. I live alone, so it's nice to have occassional visitors, most of whom I hate to see go and a few I don't mind waving goodbye to. Thanks for stopping by.

    • Teresa McGurk profile image

      Sheila 

      9 years ago from The Other Bangor

      Your house sounds full of character (even withouth the naked Irish farmers in it). Good for you for figuring out how to keep it and make money, too.

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      9 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Glad you got a laugh out of it. Laughter is good for the soul. Thanks for reading all my hubs.

    • rosecobra profile image

      rosecobra 

      9 years ago

      It was hilarious.

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      9 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Yeah, I know. In retrospect it is really funny. But it wasn't so much at the time.Thanks for stopping by

    • profile image

      O'Brien 

      9 years ago

      Nothing like a naked Irish farmer to spice up your evening! I can't stop laughing!

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      9 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      You know, you're right. Thanks for the comment

    • KCC Big Country profile image

      KRC 

      9 years ago from Central Texas

      I'm thinking a man who sleep walks probably shouldn't sleep in the nude....but.....

      I enjoyed the hub, alekhouse!

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      10 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Tom Cornett: Thanks for the supportive words. Glad you liked my hub. Hope you'll read more

    • alekhouse profile imageAUTHOR

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      10 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      prasetio30: Thanks for the nice comment

    • Tom Cornett profile image

      Tom Cornett 

      10 years ago from Ohio

      Painting with words....I like this...thanks! :)

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 

      10 years ago from malang-indonesia

      nice hub, I love to read it.

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