A Day in the Life of Nicomp

Hubbing describes the process of writing and publishing articles on the web site HubPages.com. Sentient humans taking part in this activity may be referred to as Hubbers. Some hubbers demonstrate writing acumen sufficient to earn money through their articles. Others write simply for the personal satisfaction and the emotional payback generated by seeing their work online.

And then there's nicomp.

We're not precisely sure how nicomp dovetails with The Hubpages Elite or the Hubpages rabble. Perhaps somewhere in between is a nebulous catch-all category reserved for folks fortunate enough to have access to a broadband connection but not actually ready to submit compositions to addresses on the backs of matchbook covers. Everyone should have an outlet, but it's only a precondition for an audience, not a guarantee you'll get one.

Along the lines of a less-than-epic cautionary tale, we present A Day in the Life of Nicomp. Read on. Don't let this happen to you.

Nicomp maintains a detailed first-person diary disguised in a Hello Kitty three ring binder. Updates are posted in real-time in a rambling virtually intelligible scrawl that once inspired chills along the spine of a former elementary school language arts teacher who now sells Amway. Obtaining the diary proved absurdly easy: it is unguarded every day for one hour when Bonanza reruns appear on TV Land.

5:59 AM: Woke up listening to Money by Pink Floyd. Brushed my teeth with a toothbrush once used by Jackson Browne while he was writing Late for the Sky. Changed out of my Beatles Pajamas into my Hub writing clothes. It's gonna be a great day!

Breakfast: coffee yogurt, coffee ice cream, coffee toffee, organic Fair Trade coffee, 5000 mg vitamin C.

6:30 AM: Registered 42 more domains with the word "Hub" in them. Someday I need to visit the the Cocos Islands: they must have a lot of servers there!

6:45 AM: It's garbage pickup day! Took a short stroll through the neighborhood to look for anything that I can sell on eBay.

7:00 AM: Wrote a hub about almost getting arrested for loitering. Backlinked it to Twitter, FaceBook, Posterous, MySpace, Digg, NationalReview.com, 14 of my other HubPages accounts, and Squidoo.

8:00 AM: Texted Jay Leno's people again. Sooner or later they will invite a Hubber and I want it to me drbj, oops, I mean I want it to be drbj.

9:00 AM:Finishing my 100th hub about debt repair. That's a niche I plan to dominate. You can never have too many hubs about debt repair. I love writing hubs about debt repair. Debt repair is an important topic that everyone needs to know about.

9:45 AM: Enrolled in online graduate courses at The Keyword Academy.

11:00 AM: Edited my seminal (highly original, influential,and important) hub about toenail tattoos because it was flagged by HubPages for having only 49.5 words per Amazon capsule.

11:01 AM: Purchased memberships for all of my Hubpages fans in The Fruit of the Month Club.

11:59 AM: Lunch: Grilled cheese, Cheese Puffs, Puffed Rice, Rice Cakes, Cheesecake, 1 liter fresh-squeezed pomegranate juice.

12:59 AM: Business meeting with Joe The Internet Millionaire at his palatial mansion beside his palatial pool, drinking palatial glasses of Gatorade Frost Riptide Rush.

1:35 AM: Looked up Bollywood on Google Earth.

2:00 PM: Reinvigorated my creative process by watching Bonanza on TV Land.

3:00 PM: Immersed myself in my purpose-built sensory deprivation tank with nothing but a waterproof Sharpie: 30 minutes later I had 667 new hub topics. I would do this every day if my fingers didn't get so wrinkly.

4:35 PM: Rehearsed my Nobel Prize acceptance speech for my epic series of hubs about the Nobel Prize. I think it will be the Literature Prize, or maybe Science.

5:59 PM: Dinner: meat pie, kidney pie, Yorkshire Sausage, Nottinghamshire Sausage, Derbyshire Sausage and Lincolnshire Sausage, ice cold Gatorade Fierce Berry.

7:00 PM: Backed up all my hubs to The Cloud.

7:05 PM: Restored all my hubs from The Cloud.

7:15 PM: Went outside to play. Caught a Frisbee with my nose.

11:16 PM: Wrote a series of hubs about public health care in the context of a trip to the Emergency Room to be treated for nasal damage due to flying disc trauma.

11:59 PM: Late night snack: Frito's, Doritos, Tostitos, Baconzitos, Tornitos, Rancheritos, ice- water with a twist of lemon.

12:30 AM: Time for bed. It's been a great day!