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A Day in the Life of Stan Fletcher

Updated on July 25, 2010

Introduction

The people have spoken. With 100% of the votes tabulated, a solid majority favors that my 400th hub be titled "A day in the life of Stan Fletcher". This is a rather specific topic to work with. If I was Bob Dylan, I could pound out pretty much anything popping into my brain and slap the aforementioned title on it. "Rainy Day Women No. 12 & 35" has precious little do with precipitation, but it still gets played on the radio. I'm reasonably sure that I'm not Bob Dylan.

We will attempt to adhere to the spirit of the title.

Methodology

We hacked into the Fletcher Family mainframe. It turns out that SF maintains a detailed diary, perhaps in anticipation of his enshrinement into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Our hacking strategy involved sending Stan a virus-laden email titled "How to increase your long-tail keywords and dual-density backlinks to improve organic traffic by blogging on free web servers in Nigeria."

That works every time.

A Day in the Life of Stan Fletcher

6:00 AM: Woke up. Turned on the Weather Channel to check the weather around the world. It might rain somewhere and I need to be prepared.

6:05 AM: The Queen called again to remind me of our picnic tomorrow. She wanted to make sure I was bringing enough potato salad.

6:15 AM: As I was brushing my teeth I came up with a great idea for a hub: Bad Toothpaste Flavors.

6:45 AM: Finished brushing my teeth and sat down at the bathroom computer to write the Bad Toothpaste Flavors hub. Noticed that 420 hubs already touch on that topic; much less competition than usual!

7:05 AM: Published the hub.

7:15 AM: Roger Goodell called to get my opinion on excessive end zone celebrations. My puppet regime is progressing exactly as planned.

7:20 AM: Responded to the 125 comments on my Bad Toothpaste Flavors hub. This would be much more fun if 124 of them weren't from drbj.

8:00 AM: Finally, breakfast! Psyllium seed husks, Kashi® GOLEAN®, 128 ounces of water, flax seed pill, 3000 IUs of Vitamin D, and a small bag of Frito's.

8:30 AM: Show prep for Live with Regis and Kelly. One day they will invite me and I need to be prepared.

9:00 AM: Bruce Springsteen called. He knows better than to bother me between 9AM and 10AM weekdays. I let the voice mail answer it.

10:01 AM: Started a little light yard work. Came up with a great idea for a hub: topiaries in the shape of toenails. I wonder if anyone else has thought of it?

11:00 AM: Quick trip to the hardware store to get parts for the perpetual motion device I am building in the basement.

11:50 AM: Starting lunch prep: Ho Hos, King Dongs, Pizza Hut Individual Pan Pizza, and a Coke Classic.

11:51 AM: Finished the "Toenail Topiaries" hub on the kitchen computer. I won't publish it until tomorrow so it will debut with a Hub Ranking of 51. Good strategy!

12:30 PM: A quick nap after lunch. Creative juices really flowing! 9 more hub ideas popped into my head between the kitchen and the bedroom.

1:30 PM: Heading out for a meeting with Oprah at Panera. Hope they have WiFi.

2:15 PM: Back home again. Finalized my plans for the Stan Fletcher World Tour. I had no idea there were so many Motel 6 franchises.

4:00 PM: A quick break to put out the capabyra. I knew the kids wouldn't take care of it.

4:30 PM: Bonanza on TV Land. Must-see TV.

5:30 PM: Moved all the gold in my house to a centralized location.

5:46 PM: Initiated dinner prep. 1 meat, 1 starch, 1 fish, 1 fruit, 1 salad, 1 vegetable, 32 oz. of Gatorade Tropical Rush.

6:46 PM: Finished cleaning up after dinner. Came up with another killer hub: a dishwasher that knows your name and greets you as you walk past.

7:01 PM: Joe the Millionaire called to discuss Getting Rich on the Internet. It's always fun to bounce ideas off him.

7:59 PM: Added another chapter to my unauthorized biography of Kitty Kelly.

8:01 PM: Tinkered with the Indy Car in the garage. I have an idea for improving downforce in the corners, but it requires the driver to be no more than 3 feet tall.

9:30 PM: Fell asleep watching congressional hearings on C-SPAN. It's been a wonderful day.

Comments

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    • Jeremey profile image

      Jeremey 7 years ago from Arizona

      f'ing hilarious(my apologies to Stan), and congrats on the big 400, can't wait for 500!

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Scribenet : "StubPages"! You're a genius. Register that domain immediately.

    • Scribenet profile image

      Scribenet 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Congratulations on your 400th Hub!

      Stan is such interesting subject matter you will make him unbelievably famous! Soon he will be hosting his own pages and we will all be clamoring to post "Stubs" on his site...the question remains...does he have time with such an onerous schedule. I want to see that perpetual motion invention!

    • ltfawkes profile image

      ltfawkes 7 years ago from NE Ohio

      Nicomp, you rule. Very funny. Especially:

      7:20 AM: Responded to the 125 comments on my Bad Toothpaste Flavors hub. This would be much more fun if 124 of them weren't from drbj.

      Here's to your next 400.

      L.T.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

      Nicomp, This was an excellent hub. I laughed the whole way through as it was so entertaining.

    • sunflowerbucky profile image

      sunflowerbucky 7 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Funny, funny stuff! Stan, you better hope I never decide to write one of these! :))

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Stan Fletcher: Thank you for having a sense of humor. :)

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Nicomp - This was hilarious. I feel truly honored to have been featured on the 400th. Now slow down! You're making the rest of us look bad.

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @breakfastpop: Indeed, I am as surprised as you are.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago

      Wow, Stan is an amazingly busy guy. Who knew?

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 7 years ago from Bishop, Ca

      Poor dear Stan...the man needs a life.

      And new toenails.

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @dabeaner: I adore you, but please resubmit. :)

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @psychicdog.net : I barely manage myself. ;)

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 7 years ago

      Nicomp's puppets? besides Stan Fletcher & Nicomp and drbj how many other hubbers do you manage? LOL!

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj: I am so glad you have a sense of humor. I have been sweating this hub all morning. Thanks for playing along.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      I dunno, nicomp. Just when I think you have written your funniest hub and I'm laughing loudly enough to wake my goldfish ... Wait a minute. My pet has been sleeping for 2 days now. Oh, no, he's dead. Time out.

      OK, I'm back from the funeral. Just when I think you have written your funniest hub, you produce another hysterically humorous howler of a hub - this one. Do hope Stan is still on speaking terms with you.

      Beg to differ, tho, I only posted 123 comments to Stan's new hub. The 124th was a duplicate - I hit the post comment button twice by mistake.

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Tom Whitworth AND rgarnett : Thank you both for your kind words. I'm as surprised as you are.

    • rgarnett profile image

      Rachael Fields 7 years ago from KC, MO

      Wow, so I voted to see the Day In the Life of Stan. I didn't expect him to be SOOOOO busy! I mean sure, he must be pretty busy, but goodness, he never stops! Thanks for the insight into his life, you really worked your resources on this one :)

    • Tom Whitworth profile image

      Tom Whitworth 7 years ago from Moundsville, WV

      Stan is such a busy guy he got my head spinning and I'm a little dizzy!!!!!!!!!!

      Nicomp cogratulations on your 400th. Good Hub!!!!!