A Day in the Life of Stan Fletcher

The people have spoken. With 100% of the votes tabulated, a solid majority favors that my 400th hub be titled "A day in the life of Stan Fletcher". This is a rather specific topic to work with. If I was Bob Dylan, I could pound out pretty much anything popping into my brain and slap the aforementioned title on it. "Rainy Day Women No. 12 & 35" has precious little do with precipitation, but it still gets played on the radio. I'm reasonably sure that I'm not Bob Dylan.

We will attempt to adhere to the spirit of the title.

We hacked into the Fletcher Family mainframe. It turns out that SF maintains a detailed diary, perhaps in anticipation of his enshrinement into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Our hacking strategy involved sending Stan a virus-laden email titled "How to increase your long-tail keywords and dual-density backlinks to improve organic traffic by blogging on free web servers in Nigeria."

That works every time.

6:00 AM: Woke up. Turned on the Weather Channel to check the weather around the world. It might rain somewhere and I need to be prepared.

6:05 AM: The Queen called again to remind me of our picnic tomorrow. She wanted to make sure I was bringing enough potato salad.

6:15 AM: As I was brushing my teeth I came up with a great idea for a hub: Bad Toothpaste Flavors.

6:45 AM: Finished brushing my teeth and sat down at the bathroom computer to write the Bad Toothpaste Flavors hub. Noticed that 420 hubs already touch on that topic; much less competition than usual!

7:05 AM: Published the hub.

7:15 AM: Roger Goodell called to get my opinion on excessive end zone celebrations. My puppet regime is progressing exactly as planned.

7:20 AM: Responded to the 125 comments on my Bad Toothpaste Flavors hub. This would be much more fun if 124 of them weren't from drbj.

8:00 AM: Finally, breakfast! Psyllium seed husks, Kashi® GOLEAN®, 128 ounces of water, flax seed pill, 3000 IUs of Vitamin D, and a small bag of Frito's.

8:30 AM: Show prep for Live with Regis and Kelly. One day they will invite me and I need to be prepared.

9:00 AM: Bruce Springsteen called. He knows better than to bother me between 9AM and 10AM weekdays. I let the voice mail answer it.

10:01 AM: Started a little light yard work. Came up with a great idea for a hub: topiaries in the shape of toenails. I wonder if anyone else has thought of it?

11:00 AM: Quick trip to the hardware store to get parts for the perpetual motion device I am building in the basement.

11:50 AM: Starting lunch prep: Ho Hos, King Dongs, Pizza Hut Individual Pan Pizza, and a Coke Classic.

11:51 AM: Finished the "Toenail Topiaries" hub on the kitchen computer. I won't publish it until tomorrow so it will debut with a Hub Ranking of 51. Good strategy!

12:30 PM: A quick nap after lunch. Creative juices really flowing! 9 more hub ideas popped into my head between the kitchen and the bedroom.

1:30 PM: Heading out for a meeting with Oprah at Panera. Hope they have WiFi.

2:15 PM: Back home again. Finalized my plans for the Stan Fletcher World Tour. I had no idea there were so many Motel 6 franchises.

4:00 PM: A quick break to put out the capabyra. I knew the kids wouldn't take care of it.

4:30 PM: Bonanza on TV Land. Must-see TV.

5:30 PM: Moved all the gold in my house to a centralized location.

5:46 PM: Initiated dinner prep. 1 meat, 1 starch, 1 fish, 1 fruit, 1 salad, 1 vegetable, 32 oz. of Gatorade Tropical Rush.

6:46 PM: Finished cleaning up after dinner. Came up with another killer hub: a dishwasher that knows your name and greets you as you walk past.

7:01 PM: Joe the Millionaire called to discuss Getting Rich on the Internet. It's always fun to bounce ideas off him.

7:59 PM: Added another chapter to my unauthorized biography of Kitty Kelly.

8:01 PM: Tinkered with the Indy Car in the garage. I have an idea for improving downforce in the corners, but it requires the driver to be no more than 3 feet tall.

9:30 PM: Fell asleep watching congressional hearings on C-SPAN. It's been a wonderful day.