Hub #287 - In Praise of Stan Fletcher

Verily this hub presents a formidable challenge. Stan Fletcher obviously needs none of my pimping.

Seriously, look at his avatar; perfect teeth, strategically tousled hair, optimally bronzed skin, engaging smile. And the dude can write funny stuff. My avatar is a horse head sticking out of a bird house. I never considered for one nanosecond the remote possibility of using any account, likeness, or representation of my real face. I wanted people to actually read my hubs. One look at Stan's photo and you have no choice but to begin reading. One look at my face and you'd be reconfiguring your browser filter.

It's not even my horse. It's a photo taken in Shipshewana, Indiana of an innocent bystander horse. He had a nice body as well, but somewhere in my pea brain I decided he'd be more attractive as a disembodied head sticking out of a birdhouse. All it proves is that I'm bad at Photoshop.

Consider Stan's biography. He writes songs, he has a real job in the real world, and he's athletic. We strongly suspect the body supporting that idyllic head looks like an Arnold Schwarzenegger body. Not the wrinkled Governor of California Schwarzenegger body, rather the buff Schwarzenegger body from Predator or Total Recall, but without the rampant steroid use.

Mr. Fletcher writes hilarious hubs across the entire spectrum of nothing. He is the Seinfeld Show of HubPages. Who else could wrest 846 words from stepping in dog crap? An equivalent hub from a mere mortal would be 8 words:

"I stepped in dog crap wow it stinks."

It's a run-on sentence it goes nowhere. HubPages would immediately recognize it as substandard. When filtered through the synapses of Stan Fletcher, crap becomes golden.

Speaking of filtering, don't overlook Stan's creation of the hottest HubPages genre: the anti-product review. We all know that product reviews get indexed by Google and have the potential for high click-through rates. We write product reviews for everything from iPod accessories to iPod accessories. Stan morphed the traditional positive review into a negative review. Stan understands that readers embrace conflict. The typical Internet surfer doesn't care how wonderful a particular iPod accessory might be. They'd much rather read about how badly something stinks. Stan realized that Google can't differentiate between a bad review and a good review. His "crappy coffee maker" hub is festooned with attractive banner ads for coffee makers even as his text impugns them. Everybody wins.

For most of us, observing things proves problematic. For example, can you describe the color of an orange?

I didn't think so.

Anyway, rest assured that Stan has mastered the art and science of observational humor. His hub titled "What if Sam Walton had a Different Name?" will make you laugh out loud. How many times have you strolled through Wal Mart without a second thought as to the taxonomy of the name above the door? Your biggest concern was probably getting the 5 gallon catsup jug into the shopping cart. The hub needs no images, links, YouTube videos, or pop quizzes. Stan does provide a survey capsule, allowing readers to briefly join him in his twisted world.

Modern society has eliminated many of the classic problems that plagued earlier civilizations. We have wonderful dental care, we get to choose between paper or plastic bags, and we all got free converter boxes when broadcast TV went digital.

Unfortunately we have been unable to resolve the ages-old issue of NASCAR as a sport.

Stan plunges words-first into the fray. He takes on NASCAR with his traditional grace while remaining true to his ideals. Is turning left at high speed indeed a Redneck sport? Only Stan can settle this issue for us.

Read the guy's work and admire his visage.