Hubbers Anonymous

Ahem. Hello, my name is Shirley and I'm a Hubaholic.

This is my first time voicing this in front of a group but I'm confident that I'm not alone in my affliction, that there are others out there who need a hubbervention. (new word - hubber + intervention)

If this hub can help just one hubber conquer the HubPages monkey, then my work will have been successful. (See, admitting the truth is helping already, I only used the word, 'hub' three times in one sentence)

Symptoms of Hub Addiction

You may be sitting there denying the truth about how strong the HP hold is on you. Believe me brothers and sisters of the hubs, you have to face it to conquer it.

Force yourself to look at the following list of warning signs and honestly reflect on whether or not they apply to you.

Warning Signs of Hubaholism

• The first thing you do upon rising is check your hubscore and comments
• You tell your spouse, "Not tonight honey, I've got a hub to finish"
• You leave family gatherings just to quickly check in at HubPages. Either you do this 18 times or you don't rejoin the others for 3 hours
• The Last Post forum thread is your idea of 'the good old days'
• You develop an alternate hub identity because of the Last Post forum thread (you know who you are and so do I!)
• Your hand trembles if the HP page load is slow
• You tell all your friends and family about the hubbers that you hang out with on the site. People who support your addiction become more and more important
• You spend a lot time thinking ahead to what your next 17 hubs could be about. It's vital never to run out, to be *gasp* hubless and risk the D.T.'s
• You only eat finger foods so you don't have to leave the computer. You've lost 36 lbs. but your cholesterol has quadrupled
• You feel stressed for time because you HAVE to get your hub done and published so you can hurry up and do the next one and the next, more, more, more! Pretty soon, you're spiralling out of control
• You start looking for ways to write more hubs faster, start hanging out in the forums and end up begging and pleading the prolific hubbers for their 'secrets'. Signs that you need a bigger, faster fix
• If you're writing 'hot' on a hub, you'll forgo eating, sleeping and working somewhere else to finish it in triumph
• You name your puppy or baby after another hubber
• You look for ways of working at home so you never have to sign out, in fact you're racking your brain trying to scheme up ways to make a living at hubbing
• When it comes to choosing whether to let your meal burn or finish your conversation with a fellow hub addict, the meal loses
• You often find that your legs are crossed or bouncing up and down because your bladder is about ready to burst, but you just want to finish up this hub first before going pee
• You take your laptop in the delivery room even though you're the one giving birth
• HubPages is named as the co-respondent in your divorce papers

______________________________________________________________

A Tale of the Ugly Side of Hub Addiction

in Maestrowhit's own words...

* Page that linked to the quote has disappeared.

"I see that it is lunch time, so I get up from my PC and go to the kitchen to cook something. I place my food in the hot pan and wait for it to cook. I think to myself, "why wait here by the boring stove when I can go back to HubPages and finish that enthralling discussion I was in!" So I go back to my PC with every intention of getting right back after a few minutes to take my food off the hot stove. From the minute I type the first word, my internal clock gets all screwed up, and what seems like five minutes is actually fifteen minutes. I don't realize this until the scent of smoke reaches my nostrils. So be very careful! This has happened to me more than once. It could happen to you too!"

...and later, after reading Benson Yeung's professional advice

"Oh, crap! That reminds me.....MY TURKEY IS BURNING!"

______________________________________________________________

B.T. Evilpants recently went public to openly acknowledge not only that he suffers from hubaholism but also the fact that he hides one of the more common tell-tale signs.

"Happens all the time. That's why I keep plenty of gravy on hand, to smother things."

_______________________________________________________________

Hi Shirley. One way to save your marriage is to have one more computer in the house so that you can video-skype with your better half while you both hub along. Or better still, you both hub on the same topic at the hubber's hangout. Disclaimer: this remedy has not been approved by the FDA and carry no scrutinized scientific evidence on it.

- Benson Yeung, Surgeon and all around smart hubaholic

Editor's note: One out of one doctor that we consulted here on HubPages endorses the careful use of hubbing. In moderation, it's perfectly safe and not habit forming.

Kicking the habit, that's why we're here isn't it? Well okay, maybe not. Let's face it, we don't want to stop, or at least I don't want to. I don't even need to, I can quit any time I want. I just don't want to, I'm not ready.

What was I thinking when I decided to write this hub? All I've suceeded in doing is relishing in my addiction. A giant step backwards, if you will. I don't have any tips on how to quit!

If any of you are stepping up to the hubplate to take the plunge into the sterile world of hubsobriety, well my hat's off to you and I wish you much luck and ask that you please not try to convert the rest of us. I think, that short of the end of the world as we know it, most of us won't kick. We experimented and got sucked into the underground world of seedy topics and comments stuffed in brown bags and read down dark alleys.

Just talking about all this Hubbers Anonymous stuff is making me antsy to start another hub. Withdrawal kicks in so fast!

To take liberty with some Brian Ferry lyrics, Hub is the drug I'm thinking of.

Come and be part of our nurturing writing community. Sign up for your own HubPages account and publish your work for others to see. You can even use your Hubs as sample clips when querying online publications. Publishers will be able gauge the caliber of your writing and you'll be making a bit of extra money at the same time. Can't beat it!