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I Wonder What It Takes

Updated on September 30, 2009

To get banned from HubPages.

I mean I have come across a fair share of fellow hubbers who have been given the big red golden Willy suck my Wonka ticket, but I wonder what it takes to really get banned. Like for good. So good that they even check for your ISP to make sure your gnarly ratty ass does not come back again.

I've got some offending pieces on this here thing we call Hubpages, pieces riddled with F this, and F that, and titty tatty Patty want a shaggy.

I've only been given the Willy suck my Wonka ticket once. It was red...well... I should say pink actually. The piece apparently offended someone, so they ticketed me. Or reported me, whatever that button down below says. I'm too fat and lazy to check.

It wasn't even that bad, God. They should see some of my other pieces.

For those dirty bastards who are interested, do know they are not published here. God no. After getting my pink warning slip the first time I tried to mellow my stuff out, keep it rated G for the girly goos who cry when they see the word tit in fine Internet print.

It's not my fault you ain't got none sweetie.

They have some website though, where girls can like... ask for boob job donations. I'd give you the link, but this mama was born with bouncy bouncies, so... I don't need to research chicklet chest syndrome... so.... uhm...? Sorry for yah?

Anyway, where was I.

Oh yeah.

After I got my golden, red, Wonka-doodle ticket, I got sort of bored. I wondered if my Hubs had to be these deep boring issues. Issues that raise debates, yet are rated G for girly goos. Man what a dilemma.

I found I would come here, write a Hub, and realize it lacked my total farty-tart-tastic personality, due to the fact that I was keeping it so rated G.

It got so frightfully boring that it looked like I was hanging out too much with Ben Stein. Dry eyes... equals... zzz... yawn... scratch my imaginary nuts.

I do wonder though what it takes to get booted. Besides a few cuss words and dirty words, what does one have to do? Stalk or something?

I have heard about the folks who have been temporarily shut quite in the forums. Basically someone reports them, and they have this 2 day dry mouth banfor being naughty. The censorship is pretty amazing here on HubPages though. Its really amazing actually, which makes it sort of funny.

You have to watch your mouth son, you hear!? Some idiot was offended so much that they hit the big bad report button- dunt-dunt-dunnnnnn. Satisfaction for the simple minded folks. Give the assholes a red button. That solves everything; we all know they're gunna press it.

I wonder if pressing the report button gives any satisfaction. HAHAH. I can just picture some loser behind a screen, like... cracking his knuckles, stretching back on his near broken computer chair, feeling a sense of glory, and power after hitting the report button.

That should be the new definition of dumb-ass. He probably hasn't deodorized in decades.

But then there has been this one underlying issue that I just can't seem to scratch, and that's what bugs me. How quickly they will shut someone up... shut someone up with an original thought... and then... we have these Hubbers who have these clearly copied hubs, hubs copied from other writers, hubs copied from health journals, health websites, news articles... and as many times as one can hit the fun report button, the douche-bags still remain.

Huh? Is there some underlying picture I'm missing?

I should probably knock on wood though, because I don't want to be banned from this site. I've met so many awesome people on here... some left, some were probably banned... but the majority of them rock my world..........hmh... maybe..... I should-- reword that?

Some of them are to cool for Internet babble. Some of them are like word Gods, and these word Gods deserve my humble virtual bow. So I bow to you, you gnarly bastard you.

I'm bored. Can someone please point me in the direction to the Hubs that use bad words and talk about farts, and boobs, and pot, and poo, drunks and welfare trash, and hookers and hobos? I know of a few of them, but I won't identify them...some G rated girly goo might go and report em', directly after reporting me of course.

One last thought before departing:

Why isn't Wonka a recognized word in the spellcheck?!

I mean really!? Cock is in it, but not Wonka! Seriously!


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    • Jess Killmenow profile image

      Jess Killmenow 

      9 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

      Who is betta than you? How did I not ever see you here?

      I got flagged one time, scared me real good. Now I say anything I want, but I say it in words that no one could ever say are naughty in the least. It's kinda fun.

      Anyway, I am going to have lots of fun reading your stuff.

    • marcofratelli profile image


      9 years ago from Australia

      *scratches real nuts* Well that was different and largely entertaining! Who would have thought cussing and innuendo would be so much fun! :) Thanks MellasViews!

      Hey Pam, don't say you write in your sleep for elance! I saw your profile the other day and was thinking of getting in contact! LOL

    • MellasViews profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Earth

      haha. Thanks for stopping in guys, so you know all of you I consider word Gods. Adam for his similar dark sense of humor that I too have. Pam for her comedic visually entertaining pieces, Randy always knows how to work her words into art, and pgrundy for always getting me to think. She thinks a lot like me, but digs even deeper to get my brain juice pumping.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      LOL! Amen to that. I don't know, I've decided Hub Pages has a shelf life. It's like getting married or something. It's fun for a year or so and then... not so much. I really loved it here for about a year. In recent months I've been kind of disgusted with it, like you and Christoph.

      I still throw up a hub now and then (now THERE'S a visual for you!) but I'm working with someone who is helping me put up my own blog and I'm writing for a few other sites. In November I'm gonna drop off the radar entirely and write a novel for National Novel Writing Month. My ad revenue is enough here that I'm reluctant to leave, yet I'm not having the fun I had at first. I've met some great people, but also A LOT of assholes.

      I am definitely a multiple personality when it comes to writing. In my real life I sound like total white trash--every other word is a cuss word. Here I'm Miss Issues and Information. For Elance I write in my sleep. My fiction and poetry is (ironically) where I dump reality. Thanks for the hub, you made me laugh. :)

    • Randy Behavior profile image

      Randy Behavior 

      9 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Oh Mella! You are my favorite guilty giggle. You know, cause sweet girls like me don't laugh at shit like this!

    • Pam Roberson profile image

      Pam Roberson 

      9 years ago from Virginia

      Aw, I'm a white trash girly goo who is highly offended when I hear people talkin' about boobies, farts, shaggy patties, tacos, mixed nuts, shrimp cocktails...wait, the shrimp cocktail lady was in one of your other hubs. Sorry. :D

      I've missed reading your fabulous hubs! You rock big time!

    • MellasViews profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Earth


    • profile image

      Adam B 

      9 years ago

      Ha, I know it's like the guy types with a helmet on. He only has so long on the computer before the short bus picks him up to take him home.

    • MellasViews profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Earth

      After looking it over again... I dont even think it was spun. It just looks like... wow... I dont even know. lol

    • MellasViews profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Earth

      HOLY HELL! I couldnt even bare the first 2 paragraphs. This looks like one of those spin programs. Its like this software people use to copy other articles without it being caught as plagerism on google. Its basically a messy garb of crap, as you can clearly see. lol. Too bad we cannot find the source of the real article, which Im sure is probably really good. Hmm... time for me to do some detective work. Im wondering where this one spun from.

    • MellasViews profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Earth

      lol. Im heading right to it. There is someone well known for that.. the sexy brazillian photos. lol. Its also the same person who plagerize's on a constant. Wait is plagerize's even a word. Im too lazy to look it up. Anyway, heading to view this work of shart.

    • profile image

      Adam B 

      9 years ago

      One more thing...I was just reading this hub and I was thinking about your delema with getting the big red button hit on you.

      S people get offended when someone says something like write the F word or talk about sex, hookers, bodily functions etc.

      I get offended by people who post hubs that can barely speak english and have the most poorly written hubs ever. If you go to the hub I posted above, read it and let me know what you think about the writing...atrocious.

      Also, I hate when people just post a hub with 25 pictures of bollywood actesses in different poses. WASTE OF TIME.

    • MellasViews profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Earth

      haha. I like cuss words... in a minimal of course. I do like the word crap though, and ... well I should just stop there before I write down every filthy word from A to Z.

    • profile image

      Adam B 

      9 years ago

      Very good hub, I always enjoy your wording and perspective. Just remember you don't need to swear, write about farts, poo, sex and hookers to be creative, fun and interesting. You don't have to be filthy and crude either. I always like to keep it G rated as well so no one can complain about my hubs or be offended by harsh language. Always remember this saying..."What would Jesus Do?"


    • MellasViews profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Earth

      hahah. Perfectly said. I also have one of those sites myself. Actually a lot... this place has always been my steamboat outlet. My fun fest. I see a lot of favorites have gone away.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 

      9 years ago from St. Louis

      Ha,ha! As usual, Mella, you are a delight to read. HP will certainly lose an entertaining, clever, and original voice. They've lost so many already, and the sad thing is, they don't seem to care. Those silly Wonka Ooompa Loompa fornicators! I haven't left. I just ain't here at the moment. Too many nasty things to do, profanity to speak, and strange sexual proclivities to contemplate. I already have a place where I write that boring, get some clicks crap. I don't need another one.

      Miss you!


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