Welcome to the HubLoyalty Program
Are you loyal? Sure you are.
By now, your designer snakeskin wallet should be bulging with loyalty cards. Each time you purchase a hamburger or have your cat dewormed, thoughtfully forward-thinking vendors offer to scan your card, creating a permanent digital record of your participation in their business. Somewhere in the Internet Cloud resides a database commemorating your fealty toward those who would sell you stuff.
Eventually, after sufficient scans, you receive discounts on goods and services. Either that, or the business is bailed out by the government and your account resets to zero.
We don't want to miss out. This craze could end tomorrow if society collapses and gold becomes our only fungible asset. It could happen: the Mayans predicted it.
What is HubLoyalty?
Each time you read one of my hubs, you earn loyalty points. These points can be redeemed for valuable rewards such as browser cookies and other stuff we have not thought of yet. Eventually we hope to partner with major corporations in order to provide you, the coveted reader, with a plethora of desirable goodies. Look forward to earning time-share rentals, Windows Upgrades, and HubMentoring, just to mention a few of the more exciting items on our list.
Why is HubLoyalty?
Here at the Institute of the Painfully Obvious, we crave your eyeballs. We want you reading our hubs. We desire for your Home Page to point to us. If you're not reading our articles, you're not loyal. Be loyal, OK?
To that end, we contrived the HubLoyalty program. As with all HubPages come-ons, it consists of the word 'hub' prepended to some other word, creating a new word intended to confound the search engines.
How does HubLoyalty Work?
We already told you how it works, but this hub is too short anyway. HubLoyalty points accumulate as you, a faithful reader, read more and more of my hubs. Simply punch a hole in your loyalty card after completely absorbing a hub. Skimming doesn't count, leaving a vacuous comment that gives no indication whether or not you actually read the hub doesn't count, perusing the first and last paragraphs doesn't count. If you're not willing to commit to a total commitment to the hub, feel free to browse over to the collected works of Stan Fletcher or go look at some funny videos on YouTube. Subway doesn't consider you loyal if you stroll in and order a cup of water: don't expect lower expectations from us.
How do you enroll in HubLoyalty?
Simply download and print the HubLoyalty card, included below. Completely fill out the card and you are officially enrolled. Failure to fill in every field on the card may cause you to lose points or be unenrolled from the program. Try to do your best.
How do you participate in HubLoyalty?
Upon downloading your Official HubLoyalty card and completely completing all the required fields, take a digital photo of yourself cherishing your card. Email the photo to HubLoyalty@gmail.com. If you are accepted into the program, your photo will be posted here for enshrinement into the HubLoyalty Hall of Fame. If you are not accepted into the program, expect to get really depressed because we plan to accept everyone who applies.
Frequently Asked Questions about the HubLoyalty Program
Q. How do I redeem my HubLoyalty points?
A. Don't be greedy. Have patience, grasshopper. Participation in the program is its' own reward.
Q. What is the best way to cherish my HubLoyalty Card?
A. If you have to ask, you are not worthy of the program. Go and read some hubs by Ryan Kett: perhaps that will teach you to appreciate what you have.
Q. Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?
A. Henry Aaron.
Q. Is participation in the HubLoyalty program mandatory?
A. No, but all the cool kids are joining.
Q. Does the HubLoyalty Card include discounts or special offers in any other loyalty programs?
A. We are in the process of negotiating excitingly special deals with Stoples.com, Amazen.com, and Macrosoft.com.