I'd like feedback on my Hub: My Mitsubishi Ralliart Magna

1. 59

   AndrewFugielposted 9 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   second time clicking the link in the e-mail
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub My Mitsubishi Ralliart Magna (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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      Writer Foxposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      OK, that link worked.
      
      I looked at your Hub and it has major problems with grammar, punctuation and capitalization.
      
      You need to have the Hub corrected by a professional proofreader because there are so many mistakes.

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      1. 59

         AndrewFugielposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         thanks, would you mind giving me an example of this please.

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         1. 40

            Writer Foxposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            "For this Mitsubishi Ralliart magna is one really powerful car."  This is a prepositional phrase, not a sentence.
            
            "The company Mitsubishi have put out a claim 0-100 time of 6.7 seconds." This uses the wrong verb tense.  Also, you don't explain what this is "0-100 time of 6.7 seconds."
            
            "its 180kW factory figure looks well understated.I can"  The first letter should be capitalized.  The first word is misspelled. There should be spaces after the period at the end of the first sentence.  You don't explain what this is: "180kW factory figure."
            
            And, that's just the first three sentences.  The entire article is written like this.

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   2. 85

      agvulpesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Andrew I would suggest you read through the Learning Center, especially the section on the proper use of photographs!
      http://hubpages.com/learningcenter/legal-image-use
      I feel that you should also break up your paragraphs into shorter paras with sub headings
      Keep at it you will get it

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2. 0

   calculus-geometryposted 9 years ago

   In addition to the grammar, punctuation, and capitalization problems, the article does not deliver on the promise of its opening paragraph. You wrote
   
   I will also detail any faults or breakdowns I have had with my magna, including any things you need to look out for if you want to buy one second hand.
   
   but the hub doesn't talk about that at all.  You only mention how you happened to buy yours.  Ask yourself, what would a buyer who is not you need to know about buying and maintaining this car?

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   Writer Foxposted 9 years ago

   Here's an example of a good article on the same topic:
   http://www.drive.com.au/used-car-review … 14sue.html

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4. 59

   AndrewFugielposted 9 years ago

   Thanks Guy's this helps a lot.

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5. 56

   Hicks Daysposted 9 years ago

   thanks for the tips guys

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