I'd like feedback on my article: A different love story

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  1. Ram Ramakrishnan profile image82
    Ram Ramakrishnanposted 14 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article A different love story. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    1. theraggededge profile image97
      theraggededgeposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      Hi there,

      This should probably be categorised in Creative Writing. It won't work in Relationships because it isn't an article, as such.

      I found it very difficult to read because of:

      Big blocks of unbroken text.
      No sub-headings.
      No introduction as to what the hub is about.
      Too many long words.
      Too many long sentences.
      Too many adjectives.

      But that's the point, isn't it. You are using word-gymnastics to paint a picture. Thus, it should be recategorised.

      "On the basis of preliminary conclusions deduced from questioning other perceived traits of love, I claim that every occurrence of this phenomenon is a conditional expression of emotion, pre-evaluated for the existence of one or more areas of mutual benefit and gain within the envisaged domain of the proposed bonding for profit and its expected period of applicability, by the conscious and subconscious levels of the cognitive and contemplative abilities of the involved individuals."

      I know you meant this to be 'wordy', but it doesn't work - I find my eyes just skip over sentences like this.

      It's clever, but it takes several read-throughs to appreciate it.. and you haven't really got the luxury of that - hubs need to engage readers (& QAP people) straight away, from the very first sentence.

  2. Ram Ramakrishnan profile image82
    Ram Ramakrishnanposted 14 months ago

    Thanks for your reply.

    Appreciate your suggestion about re-categorization.

    On modifying my style of writing, as you have yourself pointed out, it is the attempted endeavor to be wordy to the extreme, yet meaningful, and also to create a near perfect projection of the idea that they are meant to represent; hence the overdose of adjectives.

    I realize that a willful pursuit of this trait is detrimental to the expectation of a large audience to my work.

    I however believe that the joy that I derive from wordplay indulged in with abandon, is so great that I wistfully accept the possibility of being viewed disapprovingly, if not entirely rejected by many.

    That I suppose is my kismet!

    Thank you once again.

  3. theraggededge profile image97
    theraggededgeposted 14 months ago

    Hugs and a big kismet to you big_smile You'd make a great after dinner speaker.


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