feedback on my first Hub

1. 61

   ReMarkaBlogsposted 14 years ago

   I finally posted my 1st Hub, and I'd appreciate any guidance on areas for improvement and to avoid common mistakes.
   
   As a newbie and reading so many well written Hubs, I am wondering how many rookie rules I've shattered with my first attempt. Too long, too wordy, too boring, too anything? Any advice from anyone would be a great help. Thank you
   
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/A-Little-White- … -Christmas

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2. 78

   frogdroppingposted 14 years ago

   Ok - give me time to read it. I'll be back

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3. 78

   frogdroppingposted 14 years ago

   It's very long - most hubbers aim for somewhere between 500 - 1500. But, you've written a tale, a shorty story pretty much. Plus from how I read it, it felt like you'd written for the pleasure of it, because you were simply sharing an opinion, thoughts, an event.
   
   It read well, I enjoyed the fact that it had a beginning, a middle and an end. I'm presuming you're here to write for pleasure so it's pointless talking about headers, titles, keywords etc
   
   I think it would benefit from some media, some pictures, blended into your hub, which will A) hold interest and b) break up the large body of text.
   
   Otherwise, well done, you've published your first hub - onto the next one now!
   
   And welcome to hubpages ReMark

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   1. 61

      ReMarkaBlogsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Very useful comments, Frogdropping, I'll work on incorporating some of those this weekend to break it up.
      
      More and more as I've been reading these great Hubs,I'm catching the vision about the financial possibilities.
      
      When you mention writing for pleasure, are you saying that, while writing for pleasure (in one way) is great, but perhaps not the best focus if you're also here for the possible financial rewards?
      
      I'll snoop around these hubs for info about headers, titles, and keywords (dont know what they are, but they sound important).
      
      This helps a lot, thank you for your quick response.

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      1. 78

         frogdroppingposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Ahhh lol - the money thing. Or potential of. Let me go pull some stuff together

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4. 67

   Appletreedealsposted 14 years ago

   just scanned your hub... ditto what frog said. But what about this thought ... what about breaking it into 2 - 3 hubs
   almost like a blog post "read more" prompt.
   
   your hub commenters praised the story, (sorry, I only scanned) so what about making your readers "turn the page" by clicking onto another hub to read more. and so on.
   
   Not only would it lessen the load of getting through a long hub, maybe it could even add a touch of anticipation as they wait for "next chapter" to load.
   
   anyway, just a thought.

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   1. 61

      ReMarkaBlogsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I dont know how I messed up the order in my responses, sorry-what a rookie
      
      Appletreedeals, what a great idea! I'd like to find an example Hub doing this somewhere. Very creative suggestion.
      
      I'm sure you're not the only one who scanned, must be way too long. I've got to remember to inhale once in a while.
      
      I appreciate that you took the time to look it over and give me some helpful advice, thank you.

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5. 59

   karmen88posted 14 years ago

   Your hub is good. It was an interesting story but like other say you could break it into a few parts.

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   1. 61

      ReMarkaBlogsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      karmen88, I'm glad you read it and would take a moment to respond, I really appreciate your comments!

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6. 0

   JeanMeriamposted 14 years ago

   Yes, break it up into a series with links to the next part. There are some typos in the first few paragraphs. Probably with a bit more editing for wordiness you could make this a lot shorter and more readable. I know when I am reading things on the web I usually prefer shorter.
   
   Your sentences are really long too. You could take some of the really long ones and turn them into a few shorter ones.
   
   I also agree on more pictures to break up the text.
   
   It was good though, I enjoyed reading it. It was just that with so much text all together I had to force myself to keep going and not just skip through most of it to get to the point.
   
   I think you did good with the keywords, if you were going for that. Your adsense ads are actually relevant and I have been seeing a lot of irrelevant ads this morning,lol. So whatever you change don't lose too many of your keywords because you don't want the hot tamil actresses lounging about your Christmas story

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   1. 61

      ReMarkaBlogsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      JeanMeriam said "Yes, break it up into a series with links to the next part. There are some typos in the first few paragraphs. Probably with a bit more editing for wordiness you could make this a lot shorter and more readable. I know when I am reading things on the web I usually prefer shorter.
      Your sentences are really long too. You could take some of the really long ones and turn them into a few shorter ones"
      
      I needed to hear this, JeanMeriam, thanks. Edit-for-wordiness is my new motto. I'm going to put this Hub on a diet this weekend. Is it usual practise to go back and edit your Hubs after publishing?
      
      To be honest, if there's anything good about the keywords, I owe it to beginners luck, so I better learn about them.
      
      But...maybe I need the hot tamils to spice up my story a bit?
      
      This is extremely useful constructive criticism, I can't thank you enough.

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