How to Improve my article further so that it at least stays published

1. 0

   yourrandombrotherposted 4 years ago

   I've written an article about what are the new WhatsApp policies.
   I tried publishing the article last Friday but unfortunately, it has not made its way or to put it in shot has not been passed through the HubPages quality assessment program.
   I tried keeping the article correct with keeping proper grammar, kept the proper formatting and also gave the source of the pictures I used, and also did the APA title casing, but it still says that it has not passed the quality assessment. I'm still in the Boot-camp and eager to learn, can anyone have a look at the article and give feedback, it’ll be much appreciated.
   http://hub.me/ao7I9

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2. 82

   theraggededgeposted 4 years ago

   Hi there,
   
   These are the issues as I see them.
   
   The article bio needs to reflect the topic. Telling your readers you are 22 and trying to build an army doesn't work. Instead, tell us why you enjoy writing about such topics. Go to https://turbofuture.com/ and see how other authors do it.
   
   This: "Hello, guys, welcome. And in today's topic, you are going to learn a lot, you are going to learn a lot about things like privacy things like what's going on with WhatsApp. So stay tuned and listen to the whole podcast."
   
   Look as though you have taken someone's podcast and produced a transcript. If this isn't 100% your own work, then you should delete it immediately before you get sued.
   
   It carries on. It's not an article, it's a transcript. There are no paragraphs. There's no structure. I think you have used dictation software. And if you don't own the original work, it's not permitted for you to reproduce it.
   
   Can you explain?

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      yourrandombrotherposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Actually, it is my podcast that I run parallel to writing articles, so the content is mine I can assure you that. Yes, I tried using the transcript as an article but, I guess I missed a few points while proofreading it.

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      1. 82

         theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         Well, that's good to know.
         
         You need to write it properly because a written article is completely different to the spoken word. Break it into multiple text capsules with appropriate sub-titles. Your sentences must be reviewed and rewritten one-by-one. Lose the 'hey guys' vibe as it's too OTT for an article and comes across as insincere.
         
         Good luck.

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         1. 0

            yourrandombrotherposted 4 years agoin reply to this

            Hey, I have tried making the necessary changes into the article, your feedback will be very much appreciated.

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            1. 82

               theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

               Okay, I have a couple more suggestions...
               
               You've used 'WhatsApp' 75 times. That's way too many.
               
               Lose the word 'Introduction'. Not necessary.
               
               "...you might have come across this article... What article?
               
               Shorten some sentences. For example: "And to be honest, I don't know about you, but for me, I have come across tonnes of different videos talking about what is the privacy policy all about, talking about what are the different types of messaging services that you can use, which messaging service uses what all permissions on your device, and to be honest, it's overwhelming."
               
               You have a nice chatty voice but don't overdo the friendliness. You don't need to refer to yourself at all. Instead:
               
               "There are tons of videos available which address different types of messaging services and all their various privacy and permission policies. It can be overwhelming."
               
               Can you see how I pruned that rambling paragraph down to the bare bones? It makes it easier to read and gets the message over faster.
               
               Read your article out loud and look at all the places where you can prune rambling sentences.
               
               The next paragraph is all about you. I promise you, your reader doesn't care what kind of person you are. They only care about the topic they came to read about. Go through the whole thing and remove as many references to yourself as possible.
               
               You talk about rupees. This is an American site and most readers come from the US. American readers will back out of the article right there because those figures mean nothing to them. Use dollars because we all understand US dollars wherever we come from. In any case the cost of SMS is completely irrelevant to the topic. You are supposed to be writing about WhatsApp's privacy policy, so stick to the topic.
               
               I can't go any further now as my dinner is ready. Follow the advice and see how you get on

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            2. 86

               GwennyOhposted 4 years agoin reply to this

               You say that your grammar is correct. Not to insult but to advise, it needs work. In the opening paragraph, one sentence paraphrased says, "you might have come across this article." Yes, they are reading it. For this, what you have said is both confusing and redundant.
               
               Furthermore, that sentence spans three lines and is incorrectly punctuated. That will not help you. Also, "a bunch of articles," is incorrect grammar. A bunch of pansies, a bunch of carrots, but not articles. Multiple articles, numerous articles, many articles, a significant number of articles, but not "a bunch."
               
               The headings in your article are not APA standard. Run them through a title case checker. The main title reads as if someone wrote a new privacy policy, named WhatsApp.
               
               You said, "excited about new phones coming in," when in fact phones come out, they are released.
               
               You launched into a section about yourself. HP doesn't like self-oriented content, as it is not evergreen. The reason evergreen content is called evergreen, is because it encompasses all that keeps an article healthy and timeless. This means that people are not interested in you and I and what we think and do. They are only interested in the basic and most clear facts we can offer them.
               
               Advice--remove all that you wrote about you, what you think, etc. Any thoughts you want to present, find another way to say them other than from a first-person perspective.
               
               Try hard at all times to avoid saying "I think," or "I believe." For example, if you believe that all cows are born on the moon, instead of saying "I believe that all baby cows are born on the moon," consider saying, "it's commonly believed that..." or "it's one belief that..." or "perhaps..." or "have you considered..." or whatever you come up with.
               
               Also, you need to become clearer on titling. "Understanding the Mind," is one you used. That section is not relative to understanding the mind, so it's a rather random title. Also, that section is very confusing.
               
               You heavily launched into FB and Zuck. This is another thing you might reconsider. Suggestion: reduce that huge block of ideas about FB/Zuck, into one or two or more clear and concise paragraphs.
               
               You referred to the approach Zuck has taken, but do not define it; we are left wondering what it is. Somewhere in that jumble of colliding comments, you said "there are two schools of thought"; okay, so what are they?
               
               Furthermore, you lean towards writing in "the dreaded wall of text." What is the dreaded wall of text? A paragraph that spans more than 7 lines. Google, for one, doesn't like that. Readers with attention deficits cannot read it. Most readers find it annoying. With an entire article written that way, you really are forced to address it to gain readership.
               
               Just a few points to help you find your way. Good luck.

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   yourrandombrotherposted 4 years ago

   Thanks for the valuable insight, it has really helped me a lot. Though I had to make a lot of changes to the article, it was all worth it.

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