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The 3 Reasons You Don't Have Self Confidence

Updated on September 6, 2019

Confidence building is so important and integral to your daily life as it can be the determinant in you getting that job, promotion and spending your life with that person or companion. Therefore to achieve anything great self confidence is a must have.

So confidence comes into play in from your career to your relationships. Confidence can be stated or summarised as having this unwavering belief and faith in you. You are certain and believe that you can do that job and work.

Confidence is attractive but the unfortunate thing is that there are a load of misleading information out there that leaves you confused and feeling less as a person.

The popular beliefs you have heard about confidence will make improving yourself seem like this difficult task that can’t be achieved. You can achieve confidence only if you distinguish the truth from the lies.

According to Entrepreneur, low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on. Nobody is born with limitless self confidence. If someone seems to have incredible confidence or self belief, it’s because he or she has worked on building it for years.

So let’s check out these bad beliefs or lies one by one.

  1. You Can Fake Strong Self Confidence

This comes from the "fake it till you make it" notion or movement. There are only two options or principles when it comes to confidence; you either are confident or not confident. There is no middle ground or in between, to have confidence you can’t fake it but can only nurture it.

According to Forbes, attempting to suppress genuine emotions requires so much conscious effort that it is rarely successful.

As a Stanford University’s research shows: Subjects who were instructed to conceal their emotions reported feeling ill at ease, distracted and preoccupied. And this was validated by a steady rise in their blood pressure.

As for the people who were listening to the said subjects reported a corresponding blood pressure rise. Therefore the stress of suppression wasn’t just palpable; it was contagious.

Confidence reflects who you’re as a person and if you fake the confidence you are saying that you’re a faker or not genuine with your life.

You don’t have to fake the self confidence. You should be confident because you have and do a great job and you had the courage to do something that you feared like a cold shower.

Pretending can only get you so far and others will sense the lack of confidence you are trying to hide and putting up this front of falseness.

According to Business Insider, from the book The Confidence Code, the authors say that confidence isn’t about pretending or putting on an act. Confidence springs from genuine accomplishments and work.

When it comes to faking confidence, it doesn’t help and may actually make you feel less secure, because knowingly masquerading as something we’re not makes us anxious.

2. You Cannot Learn How to be Master Confident

The good news is that learning confidence can be done but most people perceive it as a way to waste your time and effort.

If you tell your friends or family that you have enrolled into a seminar or program that will teach you on becoming a confident person, the most likely answer you’ll get is that you don’t need it and that its stupid to learn confidence.

According to Harvard Business Review, the best way to build confidence in a given area is to invest energy in it and work hard at it.

Don’t let this discourage you because the answers to your confidence questions do exist and you aren’t weird for trying to learn confidence.

The important thing to remember is to learn from the right teacher, do thorough research because there are people out there that won’t help you at all. They are there to scam and lie to you, find genuine teachers and who you resonate with.

According to Lifehack, the best way to be confident is to look up to confident people and learn from them. Look at the people you respect who seem confident.

Don’t copy them, but identify what it is they do differently that conveys confidence and what you can learn from it.

3. It’s Okay to Lack Striking Confidence

Living a life where self confidence is lacking isn’t pleasant or a happy life. You didn’t get that job although your credentials were amazing but you lacked confidence at the interview.

If you lack the necessary confidence it isn’t fine to continue being in that state. What you have got to do is improve and gain the confidence you need.

According to National Health Service (NHS), if you have low self-esteem or confidence, you may hide yourself away from social situations, stop trying new things, and avoid things you find challenging.

"In the short term, avoiding challenging and difficult situations makes you feel a lot safer. In the longer term, this can backfire because it reinforces your underlying doubt and fears. It teaches you the unhelpful rule that the only way to cope is by avoiding things” as stated by a Professor at the University Of Glasgow.

Living with low self-esteem can harm your mental health, leading to problems like depression and anxiety. Also develop unhelpful habits such as smoking and drinking too much as a way of coping. This type of belief is detrimental and damaging to you as you won't try to grow or improve.


Nobody is born confident; it’s our life experiences that shape this confidence. Stop hoping and believing that one day you will wake up having amazing self confidence. But this doesn’t happen as reality is much different from the movies.

You have the power to become confident; you will need to learn new skills like that will also improve confidence. You will have to realise that faking it isn’t the way to go and being okay with lack of confidence is not okay.

Did you believe some of these beliefs once in your life? Do you know any other popular beliefs and lies about confidence that I haven’t mentioned?

Then do share and tell in the comments section below. I would love to hear from you. Also share this with your friends and family, sharing is caring.

Until next time become truly confident, no faking.

-Michael Kamenya


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