ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I Am... Therefore, I Am Not: A Talk With Myself About Who I Am and Am Not

Updated on April 28, 2020
Missy Smith profile image

Missy is a unique writer who enjoys inviting her readers into her thoughts through her poetry and other topics of discussion.  


My Moody Selfie


The First Stage: My Attempt To Figure It All Out

I look to be inspired in this life. I was sitting and listening to music as usual as I surfed the Internet and social media, and I got this epiphany that made me happy to be just who I am.

When I was younger, being lost in this world not knowing where in the world I fit in, sometimes bothered me. The part that bothered me was; it seemed I could not for the life of me pick out a specific group to hang with or act like. I could not pick a certain genre of music I liked better than the other. I could not be classified, as I liked everyone and all kinds of things, and saw everyone for something unique they embodied.

However, I felt sorry for some of the people I would encounter through these years too because I could also tell that most were hiding that part of themselves that wasn’t identifiable with others. I could see this, because, well, I was trying to be something I wasn’t as well. In my own defense, I hadn’t figured out myself yet, and I felt sorry for me too because I was not exactly hiding, but I didn’t feel free to be, or even to know who I was at this certain point in my life either. For that, I was labeled a loner, and I think the label was correct since I didn’t try to interact much and get involved with a clique if you will.

Don’t get me wrong, some people just know who they are. They grab this at a very early age. Influences in the family such as; Dad the doctor, or Mom the teacher, have made them know exactly where they fit in. For some of us though, even if we had those tremendous influences in our lives, it wouldn’t have helped us to fit into our selves. It took me years and years to figure myself out, and if I’m honest, I’m such a complicated person, I’m still going to be figuring myself out in certain ways forever.

My Goofy Selfie


The Transition Point: Halfway To Knowing and Acknowledging Who I Am

Can you imagine how a person like me must have felt in those crucial years of growing out of childhood and leaping into adulthood? There was no way I wasn’t going to make the mistakes I did. It was inevitable because I needed those mistakes to recognize the true person I was. Maybe I knew, but also knew it was unacceptable in modern society not to be solid with a direction to go. I’ve never had a direction. I have tried many different jobs in life. I have gone to school for several distinct things in this life. I am in the process right now of taking another course to try yet another career form.

I can say with the utmost confidence that writing is and has always been extremely important to me. However, what form of writing fits me is still a concern. So, not completely settled in this area, but know I want to continue here. I am almost, completely, sure that I am a poet or poetess, as some like to call female poets. I will maintain this part of me always. I know this for sure. I know a few other things also, maybe not with the confidence of a set standard of them, but I know I am a decent mother, and I know my favorite color is black. Although mothering has been a challenge, I had to learn on my own, it took me many places of understanding to where now I can be confident to say that I am a good parent, and I do like many other colors, of course, but I persistently stick with black as my absolute favorite. Nevertheless, I cannot pick many distinctions about myself other than these three things.

My Just Playing Around Selfie


The Final Outlook: My Inspiring Epiphany Prevails

So, who am I? Furthermore, what does the inspiring aspect have to do with me as I mentioned in the first sentence I wrote here? I realized the inspiration this day like I do other days, but the reality does come and go. However, I realized again today that “I AM” That’s it. That's all!! I am the person who never fit in, but fit in is not who I am. I am a lover of poetry, but I mix it with articles and logic at times. I am a warehouse worker, a dental assistant, a 911 operator, an office person, a farm girl, a fitness center manager and trainer, a traveler who has never traveled yet, a friend to many, a friend to none. I am an unconventional 40 something that likes to take goofy selfies of herself, and I think that’s fine. Musically, I like Pop. I like Jazz. I like Folk/Indie. I like Classical. I even like a few Country songs. So, to pick any of these things as a favorite I cannot. I love cultures. I love people of culture. I find they become my best friends online, and in the workplace when I work out of the home. I’m American but I feel I am a part of the whole world. I hope to see the world and visit the many friends I’ve made from all over the world one day. I’ve been a wife without a wedding and maintained my single status. I’ve been sorrowful and hopeful about it all.

Lastly, I believe I am an evolver. I evolve instead of existing in a constant straight line to reach a certain prospect. I am not a routine. I am a mystery unraveling, and always will be. I am an open-minded person that knew at a very young age that I could never be a racist to anything or anyone. I am instead of a complete pacifist. I love peace and see no purpose in a war of religion, a war of culture, a war of land. Anything like that depresses me. Which is why I do find myself depressed on occasion. This is why having these epiphanies of self, inspires me. I lose the negative stuff we all get stuck in at times trying to live in this world. I shed the heartbreak of all these things that others make me feel different for, and know that being unusual is what inspires me because I wouldn’t know how to be anything but a complicated mystery.

The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

What Are Your Thoughts...

Have you struggled with Identity through your life?

See results

I Am

I cannot be constrained.

I will not be contained.

I am no one.

I am everything.

I am love.

I am peace.

I am maybe someone

you will never meet.

Don't dare to judge

the way I am...

don't offend

my unique personal


It's not a chaos rhyme.

It's my own swaying


We can all dance

to our particular

personal vision...

It only takes a clear

picture put in place...

An understanding of

one's self...

to power on to find our

individual idiosyncratic


Set yourself apart.

Grab a place away

from common art.

Preach this to

yourself. Stay


Be you, be unique,

be a piece of your

own reality...

© 2016 Missy Smith


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)