Why Do People Avoid You? Find Out Now.

"Who the heck do you think you are?! Get outta my space! You’re pushing my boundaries and I’m too nice to say no.”

Have you ever wondered why people sometimes pull back from you? Maybe you were explaining something and you see a shadow cross their face, watch them step backward, then wonder what you did. Maybe you had someone tell you they’d call you back later, but never did. Something you said either offended them or you suspect you “got in their space”. Anyone ever avoided you? You can be talking to a group, everybody joins in, but you get an icy reflection, or no response from one person? You think they may find you offensive?

So how do you define offensive? Several definitions here:

1) Attacking or for attack.

2) Unpleasant, disgusting or insulting.

3) Attitude or position of attack.

A counselor told me once, when I questioned my defensive response to a group of coworkers who I felt were berating me, “One usually gets defensive when attacked”.

What are boundaries?

1) Anything marking a limit or border; bound; to limit. 

2) The edge of an action or right.

So the opposite of boundary would be boundless, right? Boundless means “without limits”.

Over time I’ve learned that some outward traits in one's personality are offensive to certain individuals. Some thoughts are best left unspoken, though your mind runs with such intensity and speed, the words come out before you have a chance to process with what you're about to say. So you've had to train yourself to pull that expression back inside and rein it in to prevent stepping on someone else’s margin. You do this out of respect for the other person’s boundaries, right? You don’t have to understand or agree with boundaries; just respect them.

When somebody continues to hound you for something repeatedly, you tend to get a little fed up with the persistence after you’ve already given your answer.  Continually asking for the same thing shows a lack of respect for the other’s well being.  Persisting with an irrational request that obviously crosses boundaries of the individual or ‘gets in their space, you may create a sense of self-worthlessness in that person when you continue, especially if they find it hard to say “no”.  Why would you continue with the persistence, the continual asking, knowing it is perceived as disrespect? Does that not matter?

Getting back to being offensive or “getting in someone’s space”: Isn’t it true that crossing a person’s invisible boundary, whether you think it rational or not, is the same as insulting the person by subconsciously taking a position of attack? Think about it.

If somebody tells you “that makes me feel demeaned” or “please don't continue...I get your drift” or “that is disrespectful to me to ask that”, do you continually persist anyway because you don’t understand or agree with their personal boundary (or space)? Most of the time, an individual isn’t going to tell you this. It’s up to you to pick up on the senses by watching body language and learning to “pull back” when your silent alarms goes off. It could save a relationship, or best, prevent unnecessary emotional damage to the receiver.

Finally, even if you think the boundary is totally irrational and confusing, you should respect it.

After all, social boundaries are part of social etiquette and required for humans if you want to co-exist in harmony.

Don't you think so?