How Not To Be Taken Advantage Of
Can't Say No? You're Not Alone!
Sometimes it's just hard to say no. Even if it's something we know is bad for us. So what's the deal? Do you think we're just too nice to say no? Maybe we subconsciously desire the very thing that pushes against our personal boundaries.
Okay, I've said it. We really want the bad thing. Now what?
As humans, some of us find it hard to maintain the strength to suppport our personal boundaries to protect us from potentially harmful situations or people. Some individuals will beg to differ with me on this theory, claiming that we all have the strength within ourselves to say no to what is latently harmful, which is true. But the question is: Do we really want it or not?
What if it's a negative control tactic pushing against our boundary, complete with obvious warning signs, flashing lights, and loud ringing, used to gain direction of our feelings while we're in a vulnerable state? The problem is, our feelings and emotions blind us to the obvious danger. When we see it coming, but subconsciously allow it to climb over the perimeter and into our space, we become unprotected, thus setting ourselves up for crisis. Sound Familiar?
It's not something that's pleasant to talk about, it's simply a reality that's present in everyday life. So what can we do to protect ourselves when we feel vulnerable and powerless to say no to something that's possibly threatening our boundaries, either emotional or physical? I came up with a few of my own boundary limit rules so as not to continually beat myself up over real or imagined coercive strategies to push my limits.
Rule 1: We Own Our Values.
Make these statements to yourself daily:
I own my feelings. They are unique to my divine character.
Feelings are not right or wrong; actions are.
My values are mine, my feelings are mine, and they aren’t wrong for me.
I profess there is no right or wrong level of intensity to each emotion I feel.
Rule 2: The 'Will Nots'.
Rules to follow for personal protection.
* I will not make an impulsive decision when I feel indecisive
* I will not lash out in anger inappropriately when crossed, but will allow myself to express my anger positively.
* I will not commit to something until I am satisfied with the circumstances or have an explanation that I deserve and feel comfortable with.
* I will not plan my day or night around "possibilities".
Rule 3: Your Rights.
Make these statements daily:
I have a right to feel indecisive.
I have a right to my feelings.
I have a right to question motives.
I have a right to explanations.
I have a right to be suspicious.
Is it time to apply some control to our personal boundaries?
Just a thought for some, not all. If you feel someone may be using a negative control tactic to push you into a place you don't really need to go, perhaps you can apply the rules for controlling your personal boundaries. If you feel your life may be out of control in some areas, maybe it's time to enforce some limits on your boundaries. We struggle through adversity for a reason. I don't think I've heard it described better than the statement below:
"What may seem hurtful to our flesh now, will create growth in our spirit later."
As said by Pastor Josh Lee, Cornerstone Assembly.
Hey, how about we talk a bit about our personal boundaries!
Let's Talk About Boundaries <Click here.
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How Do You Define Healthy Personal Boundaries?
- Do You Have Healthy Relationship Boundaries?
If a relationship has unhealthy boundaries, it can result in abuse, emotional scarring and a lack of growth both together and apart. How healthy are your relationship boundaries? Take our quiz and find out.