Recognizing Emotions
Those emotions...
I have had a lot of time to think, and I understand that reacting off your emotions is a challenging way to live. Not to say that you shouldn't get out your emotion, as you should so it does not get bottled up inside. That is not good, holding in certain emotions will have some pretty nasty side effects believe it or not.
I used to have anger management problems, I would just get mad and yell... for no reason sometimes. But most of the time I was mad but was unable to tone it down so to speak, and I would let out just how angry I was. I was trying to get it out. When I feel upset, there are several things I do that make me feel better. Or so I thought at the time. I thought that reacting off of my anger would make me feel better, and it did sometimes but only for a little while. Then I was right back to where I started, feeling all the anger welling up like a shook up soda can about to burst.
Why would I react that way? Is that normal behavior? I would ask myself all these questions all the time and never really find answers to them. However, through all this trial and error nonsense, I have gotten better at recognizing emotions. I realize I have no control over how something or someone makes me feel. An outward circumstance could most likely make me feel all kinds of things. But ultimately it would be my decision whether to react from it or not. That is huge for me to realize and I have to emphasize how important this is, so I repeat; I don't have control over my emotions nor do I have control over external situations. So even though a certain situation might make me feel an unpleasant emotion, the important thing I have to remember is I have complete control over my behavior. Over time I have learned to not feel certain things, but it was more of an automatic extinguishing agent to prevent an unpleasant emotion from cultivating into anything more than an automatic thought. But it was automatic non-the-less, I had to prevent it from getting more intense, so the emotion itself was not my choice to feel.
During the last month I have learned to regulate my emotions as well as change the behavior associated with such emotion. I would like to assume that this is a pretty valuable tool to use in everyday life, however expecting the general population that I have been around so far seemed completely unaware of this type of lifestyle. Not to mention the mindset, anytime I would bring it up with another person they would just stare at me like I was speaking to them in Russian or something. It is usually quiet hilarious, but as of late it has become tiresome having to explain myself constantly. So isolation has become my escape.
Let's start with the basics, 'Recognizing Emotions.' Everyone goes through their day with millions of thoughts rushing in and out of their heads. Some of those are not so pleasant while others are meaningless, and all of those thoughts carry an emotion. Whether it be positive or negative, all thoughts come emotions. Or I would like to say that most of them do. In one of my blogs I wrote about mindfulness and for those of you that are unfamiliar, basically it just means being aware of everything, or it could be considered a distraction. Being aware of how you feel, and how other things make you feel is all revolved around being mindful. It is grounding for me and bringing my awareness back to something less intense, like my breathing or something else I choose to focus on. To be 'mindful" of your emotions, it simply means that you are aware of how you feel and what causes you to feel that way.
A good example would be this random story I am going to tell you about a fella named Bill.
So Bill is walking on the beach by himself on a very sunny day, about 80 degree weather. It was slightly cloudy but not overcast. There was a soft breeze, which was a little more chilly then he would have liked but it was very empty on the beach. He was enjoying the solitude. He is just walking along the edge of the water where the sand turns to mud enjoying the sound of the waves crash against the shore. He is strolling having a good time smiling and enjoying being in the sun and feeling the breeze against his face. But suddenly he hears echoing voices get mixed in with the waves. Opening his eyes, Bill looked around to witness a couple fighting in the distance. He let's out a disgruntled sigh as it breaks is streak of euphoria bringing him to a state of agitation, which he suddenly feels even more upset about. His demeaner has changed and he is no longer as relaxed. All he can think now is how all this negative energy was now bleeding over into his ozone layer. He just wanted a nice quiet peaceful walk but he is now allowing the atmosphere to change. He can feel it sinking it and now he was starting to get irritated. The sun was now stinging his eyes, the sun that was just previously soaking him in a warm orange glow was now raising his heartrate making him overheat. Oh no, now it was making sweat appear across his forehead in little beads causing him to brush a hand across his face, feeling the sting of the salty sweat hit his eyes a little. So now what? He was just feeling so much bliss, high on life, loving every minute and now it is just gone like that. Now all of a sudden a couple of people speak to each other across the way in a tone of voice that is a little unsettling, in a manner that is distasteful and he decides to let those people effect his mood. Why would that cause someone to be sucked from the grip of happiness? Empathy is a crazy thing, some people have it and some do not. I find it incredibly difficult not to feel the emotions of everyone in the room. That get's tiresome, so I isolate.
That is a great question though, and I wish I had the answer, however I do not. I am sure that there have been many well educated scientists devoted to this question, trying to come up with a solution; racking their brains dissecting the human physiology and analyzing every action and reaction of human nature. Though there have been many interesting hypothesis, which I encourage you to check out, someone put a lot of effort into them. They have proved to me, to be a very interesting read. Not many people have concrete evidence to support any claims they may try and sell you on. People are weird and react in many different ways to many different situations. There is no one way to act, everyone has a way about them but certain things need to b altered to prevent unwanted stress or agitation. Behavior is something that can be controlled, those are what Bill can control.
He could go one of two ways, taking route A looks like:
Bill sees the couple fighting and he lets it make him feel upset, then his wife or someone close to him calls and he ends up saying something to them that he probably shouldn't have. He took his anger out on his wife instead of realizing that he was already upset from a different event.
Or the scenario could go route B:
Bill sees the couple, it makes him slightly uneasy to see others fighting; but instead of taking his anger out on the people close to him (who did nothing to him) he recognized that he already felt uneasy from what happened before he got a call. He expressed that he was already feeling uneasy before the phone call and to not take his tone personally. Or he could have told her he would call her back in a minute if he was unable to control his behavior at that point.
In scenario A, Bill failed to recognize his emotion, but in scenario B he was able to change his behavior just by recognizing he felt a certain emotion about an external event. It's simple really, all it takes is a little patience and practice, a lot of practice. Being mindful of your emotions will create the foundation to changing your thoughts, which in turn can reroute your behavior. Recognize negative emotions and not letting them fester in your soul, that will cause you to live a very painful life. I am speaking from personal experience, as only I can. Everything mentioned in my articles is from personal experience. Realize that emotions come and go and they are not bad unless you allow them to be. Feeling fearful can give you a mad adrenaline rush and I have utilized that on numerous occasions just to get my heart pumping. It is a beautiful feeling! When that happens naturally, it is supposed to indicate that you need to fight or flight. It is a signal your intuition is sending you, which for future reference happens all the fuckin time so pay attention to what your body is telling you. Being angry can give you stamina to fight, and being sad lets you know that you need to GET UP and do something to make yourself feel better. It's all about how to recognize the emotion you are feeling to be able to handle it. You could let depression bring you down to a comatose state, I have done that before but allowing yourself to stay down that long is very dangerous and should never be done on purpose. The skill is useful when you are anxious and need to slow your heartrate.
As childish as it may sound sometime you need to pull out your inner child, I have this emotion wheel that I like to look at when I am feeling an emotion I can't put a name to. It literally has every emotion in the form of every word you could think of to describe that emotion. It is pretty awesome and has helped me out a lot. Once I put my finger on an emotion on the wheel, I can take the next step. I feel that it is always best to pinpoint WHAT emotion you are feeling. You do not always need to know why, but you should at LEAST know what emotion you are experiencing. Whether you want to change it or not. If I don't recognize that I am sad, hurt, angry, happy or whatever then I wouldn't know what step to take next. Think about that... you need to figure out WHAT emotion you feel in order to figure out what to do to about it, either make it go away or to utilize it for a better reason. If I am mad I know I need to refer to some anger management coping skills. If I get anxious then I know to slow down, take a deep breath and not let the emotions get me overwhelmed. Unless you find yourself in a situation which requires a high level of focus and adrenaline, the anxiety helps me to stay prepared. If you use it correctly, if you do not let it make you have jittery Butterfinger hands. Just take a deep breath every time you feel anxious and then visualize said physical feeling radiating throughout your entire body. Imagine your emotions in the form of pictures or visual effects. I like to imagine anxiety like bolts of lighting, which feels that way sometimes. If you feel too much 'lightning' energy in any one location. Just close your eyes while breathing slowly and distribute the energy to all your limbs. Make it go through your whole body and then you just move around a little bit. Shake your arms or just hop around for a bit. That is what I do, it helps a lot to get up and go if I need to very quickly without feeling light headed.
Well I am not going to beat a dead horse, you guys know what to do and if you have any questions. I have a lot of skills and techniques that have made me successful in my life. Most of which I created so if you are interested in what I do for any certain emotion I am feeling, please do not hesitate to contact me. I would love to chat!
The Beginner's Guide To Cultivating Inner Peace
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2017 Virginia