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How Great I Am:Flipping the Bird to the Chaos Gods

Updated on October 10, 2014

I am not unacquainted with Trouble. I find him as my bosom buddy often enough that he is closer to me than my own blood relatives sometimes. He shows up when I least want him to, and over stays his welcome, lingering to see how I deal with the mess he’s left behind.

And sometimes he brings along his older brother Chaos, just for laughs. Again, a member of the family I am quite familiar with. Leaves a bigger mess than his younger brother, and takes greater amusement from the aftermath of his actions.

All things considered, after each visit I am often left with knowledge, crushing revelations and unexpected insights, most of which frightens and astonishes me at times, and I am left to marvel at how I am still standing to this day.

I may be young in age, but I am an old soul. So I’ve decided to share some universal truths that I have learned, some that have beaten me in the face upon introduction, over the years.

Ignorance may be bliss, but it doesn’t make it better.

I have learned some astonishing things about myself and my family over the years, things that I sometimes wish that I didn’t know, but I was better off knowing, even if knowing hurts more.

I had often been told the story about how I came into the world, but it wasn’t until I reunited with the other half of my family, that a part of the story had been left out. I was born 6 weeks premature, and came extremely close to not being here. My mother calls me her “miracle baby”, and I never knew why until she told me that story.

As bad as you think it is, it could ALWAYS be worse.

To quote my favorite Slayer, “Sometimes my life SUCKS beyond the telling of it.” I seem to live in varying degrees of bad at times. There were times when my life seemed to have gone down a dark path, and I was forced to ask myself two questions:

How did I get here?

What’s the other way this could’ve gone?

In the past, I’d torment myself with scenarios of how my life could have gone, what changes could have been made differently. I’ve come to the point in my life where what could have been is irrelevant, I just need to deal with what IS.

It’s okay to be afraid.

There are times when I feel like I’m living in a constant state of fear, a crippling, mind-numbing terror. But it pushes me, sometimes giving me s shove when I need it most to get my ass in gear to try. Outside of comic books, very few people live without fear. All you can do is not let it define you.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather that there is something more important than fear.” - The Princess Diaries (Movie)

Don’t give up.

Quitting might seem like your best option at times, or running away. And sometimes it is. It’s what you make of the situation. There are things that I walked away from that I regret deeply and others where I feel it was the best decision I ever made.

Everything in life is hard. There are no cheat codes, no resets. Just because you’re down and out doesn’t mean you’re done. We make our own way in the world, and it is okay to ask for help sometimes, but don’t use another person as a crutch just because you don’t want to do the work.

Don’t blame others for your problems. You give them the power that should be yours alone. Sometimes the power is taken, and you can take it back.

So here is my declaration:

Bring on the chaos, the trouble, the devastation. I can handle it. I may be Murphy’s Bitch, but I’m still standing. And that’s all that matters.



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