It seems that oldest children are at the MOST DISADVANTAGED position

  1. gmwilliams profile image84
    gmwilliamsposted 4 years ago
    regarding the birth order dynamic.  They were once only children, the center of their parents' universe.  However, as succedent siblings are born, they are dethroned, discarded, and/or placed on the lowest totem pole in comparison to their younger siblings. 

    In many families, they are asked to be surrogate parents and assume other adult responsibilities although they are children themselves. Oldest children are ADULT from childhood.  A normative childhood is a foreign and/or unheard concept in the lives of oldest children.

    Parents spend THE LEAST time with their oldest children, figuring that the latter do not need them as much.  Many oldest children in families suffer from benign child neglect.  They are held to a higher and stricter standard  than their younger siblings.  They seem to receive no parental quarter and/or levity.  They seem to walk the chalk line. 

    EVERYONE in the family look to them.  Oldest children have to be ON 24/7/365.  They have NO FREEDOM or AN INDIVIDUAL LIFE.  The oldest child is the HARSHEST  and oftentimes THE MOST DIFFICULT of all birth orders.   Oldest children seem to get the SHORTEST end of the stick!  Do you agree with this presentational premise or not?  Why?

  2. profile image0
    Motown2Chitownposted 4 years ago

    You know, I gave this post a lot of thought before decided to weigh in.  I am the youngest of two.  My sister is close to eleven years older than I am.  For many years, she got the majority of my mother's attention, and when that wasn't possible, she received undivided attention from my grandparents.  After their deaths, my mother married my father, and two years later, I came along.  There were many problems that my parents were dealing with when I came along, and my sister very naturally assumed a maternal role toward me.  She carried me around with her for almost everything - until I was almost nine.  At that time, she had her own children, and sister as mama sort of went by the wayside.  But, for my entire life, until my mother's death, it was impossible for my sister NOT to treat me as though I was a child in need of her maternal/big sister instincts.

    When our mother passed, we experienced a crazy switch-up.  My sister had an epiphany that I had become an adult - and I had the same epiphany - and we both realized that I didn't need her to mother me in any way.  Then we became equals, and have remained as such ever since.  We are still sisters, but the often automatic mother/child sort of relationship has passed.

    We were very different as teenagers.  My sister was rebellious, I was not.  I can't really say why, except that things were very difficult between my parents then.  Once I became a teenager, my parents were divorced, and my mother was raising me alone. 

    I don't know that Jen's position was the most disadvantaged or not, but I still, at close to 40, look up to her as a wonderful and amazing inspiration.  And, in terms of success, her life has been much more successful than mine.

    1. gmwilliams profile image84
      gmwilliamsposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      What a loving tribute to an oldest sister.  God bless!