Scanning the Files of Gratitude: Denied Access

That which we are truly grateful for can never be seen or known. It is beyond our comprehension or acknowledgment. Inherent gratitude is as natural as breathing but it is falsely exaggerated when attributed to another.

Divine gratitude allows us to “live, move, breathe and have our being.” So how could it be possible to ‘thank’ another person for something he/she is incapable of providing?

Moving into the dark regions of self-doubt and insecurity…

However unpleasant these words may sound, they are none the less pertinent for proper understanding to inhabit our temple/body/home while involved in various chosen relationships.

We genuinely believe ourselves to be patient, gentle, kind, nurturing, loving and supportive but we know deep down IF there’s not something in it for us; we are not all that enthused to participate.

People do what they do for the benefit of pleasure they receive, while at the same time, and reduce the amount of pain. Believe it or not but in some cases, for the majority, pain acts as the pleasure benefit.

Addiction would be one example, whether that addiction be physical, emotional or mental. In other words, IF we are involved in a painful relationship, it is only because we derive some sort of pleasure from it.

That does not have to make sense [most things fall in this bizarre category]; it’s simply a universal fact.

Pain, also disguised as pleasure displays itself as another form: of assistance, praise, approval, validation, appreciation, honor, respect, pacification, flattery, benefit, help, support, admiration, validation and encouragement.

In other words, pain resembles pleasure when it gives/offers immediate relief from a situation we are not especially liking or comfortable in.

The truth is: we need whatever uncomfortable circumstance we are currently involved in. But, be that as it may, as the ancient scriptures openly declare: “…work out your own salvation through fear and trembling…” (Paraphrased)

The season will change and we with it, in time. Notice: there was no mention of being relieved of the situation when it got uncomfortable, messy or tiring. We are generally too impatient and demanding.

We want a quick fix! [A magic bullet designed to elicit from the relationship a concussively appealing and accommodating ready made lover/friend/confident and committed mate. Not so. Growth occurs in the midst of tension, friction and/or turbulence.

Down the green mustard road…

We are going to get down to the nitty-gritty. It’s a tough nasty journey, but necessary. This is where the chicken squat hits the fan! First of all, we are human; and, because we are, we are fallible, deceptive, manipulative and weak, despondent, selfish, wishy-washy, mad, vain, self-centered, whiny, envious, restless, competitive, jealous, paranoid, defensive, phony, and typically dissatisfied.

Bottom line, we are ‘all about us.’

Dependent upon how identified we are with the “Goody two shoes” idea we maintain about ourselves, our lives will reflect the capricious inconsistencies. We want to believe we are ‘different’ from the rest of humanity.

That we are in someway nicer, more humane, kinder, gentler, or certainly more generous; in fact, we often rise up in defiance to prove how gracious we by undertaking benevolent acts of random kindness.

But, when we are unappreciated or unacknowledged, we show our true colors, quickly.

We know the meaning of working out our problems in solitude and secrecy but instead of doing what we KNOW (as the only self-sustaining appropriate, life generating way of action), we either blame, condemn or play victim in the theatrically self-induced situation.

Although we pretend to show another face for our ulterior motives, we are ‘sick to death’ disprortionately, and harbor deep resentment for having been “done wrong.”

It’s My turn…

(Now, take a deep unadulterated Convincing Breath) Once having been convinced that we have been ‘done wrong’, we immediately contrive to ‘get even’, ‘make the other pay’ or more importantly ‘gloat in the situations’ where the other person ends up feeling miserable.

We say, confidently and assuredly, “He/she deserves it for all he/she’s put me through.

What I did I do is for his/her own good.” (Slight tilt of the head in prideful affirmation.) “After all I do or have done …” (Congratulating yourself for the good decent person you are) “And, it sure as hell is not half as bad as ‘so and so’ and ‘this and that’.”

And, on and on you go elaborating (how wonderful you are) and emphasizing, detailing and exaggerating all the things that were supposedly done to you!

That’s all well and good, if that’s how you honestly feel. One can not deny honest feelings [no matter how ugly] at the time, without debilitating complications. BUT then, we go and jump tracks!

We complain about how we are under valued, unappreciated and continue to be cheated on, lied to and taken advantage of. How can you have it both ways? I thought you said you were a caring decent person, right?

Decency involves “letting go’ of belligerent emotions. Before moving on, think about who the first person that comes to mind that you think you are grateful to. {IF there is more than one person, name them in order of importance.}

Time to Fall In love…

Here’s the deal: “fall in love with the place where your feet are currently occupying and most assuredly, with the person facing you. He/she is definitely an unwavering convincing projection of you.”

Stated affirmatively and simply, we must be totally involved with our life scenario exactly as it unfolds no exceptions; no matter what. IF we can suspend our overworking negative chatter, we will NEVER get stuck.

We will never get comfortable with phoniness. We’ never get lazy and fall asleep with the hypocritical elements of ourselves. But, work diligently to wake up!

We’ll learn to embrace the chaos and confusion in our life. Turn intangible divine forces into tangible form.---- Yeah! That’s right! We will use our sacred sexual artistic musical activity of antagonistic relationships to open our eyes of innumerable layers of unending potential in authentic creative expression.

What unexplored ideal creations will we bring to the table? Who knows?

But, [while an onslaught of gracious artistic talent unfolds; there’s just one little glitch]; we must cross the land of the barren unproductive devouringly uninteresting pointless fruitless unmanageable unsettling unnerving devastatingly debasing hardship in our present involvements whereby the end of calamity is no where is sight; then, and only then, does the day of liberating bliss break through.

An exacting unavoidable esoteric point, shows us that we’re made of flesh and bones which bleed and break. We are literally occupying a symbolic monastery learning the ways and means of how the best way to ‘serve out’ our precious time on earth without superficial attribution.

This simple definition is Gratitude!