A Penn'orth Philosopher

I often write things to amuse myself or in the hope of being able to use them in the book I am in the process of writing, but then sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking that I am Disraeli, who said that “When I want to read a good book, I sit down and write it”. When that happens, I am so full of myself, that I think everyone will enjoy the thoughts I put on paper, as much as I do. Seriously. I must be insane.

Sometimes I go back and read things I have written in the past and I actually laugh out loud! How is such a thing possible? How can any sane man laugh at jokes he wrote himself? And laugh out loud, at that! A typical example of what makes me laugh is this one: ADVICE TO YOUTH - http://hubpages.com/hub/Advice-to-Youth-1

I am convinced that insanity can best be cured with the assistance of friends, who will rally around the victim with tender solicitousness and grapes, so I shall now implement my father's favorite saying, which was ‘What the hell are friends good for, if you cannot take advantage of them".

Yesterday I posted a hub here called ‘The Divine Right of Kings’ which I thought was hilarious, but friends I know to be much more clever than I, actually thought that it was meant seriously, so I removed it.

With fair warning, I shall now re-post it along with some other thoughts I jot down for possible use in my book as the thought strikes me , in the hope of soliciting your opinion, favorable or otherwise.:

Ricky Gervais

The English language owes Ricky Gervais a debt of gratitude for providing it with an almost insurmountable challenge: How to find an adjective to suitably describe him, without offending the most liberal of judges - and which can be used in, say, a whore house without causing one to be thrown out for moral turpitude.

Culture

When people lack true culture or are devoid of innovative ideas, they speak about wine, various brands of alcoholic beverages, or the quality of soap. The ideal of a well-stocked mind aiming at excellence in all walks of life has been replaced by the dream of a well stocked wine cellar, the cellar now being a specially made wine cooler strategically placed in one’s house, to be viewed by even the most unobservant visitor.

Pomposity

In all their dull-witted grandeur and pomposity, they exhibited all the strange snobbery of their servant class mentality, conscious of their spurious origin, expecting to be treated with the contempt they had been trained to believe they deserved. They would recognize poise, grace and self assurance and respond accordingly, but they would kowtow to arrogance, wealth and more so to a title. They had been trained well.

Event the great Samuel Johnson was ready, willing and even anxious to be despised only by the titled.

God

They considered anyone talking to God, to be a borderline psychotic. Full blown psychosis was when the line was crossed and God started talking back, or they heard other voices.

Curiosity

If he had a fault, it was that of curiosity. He would have stopped to stare at a billboard with the immortal words “Watch this space” stamped across it, even if he had been running from a blood soaked lunatic waving a screaming chainsaw.

Mrs Ethelred

She was known as Mrs Ethelred. She took pride in the nickname because they told her that Ethelred had been an ancient English king, and she assumed that the name was due to her queenly posture. In fact she was named after her husband who had become known as 'Ethelred the Unready' amongst the staff. Mrs Ethelred would insist on complaining to all the girls in the office that her husband refused to give her anal or oral sex, because he, the husband, had been traumatized by the behavior of his father, who had recently “come out” at age fifty five and now went about with a pony tail and a boyfriend.

The M/Y ‘Untaught’.

Unlike all of her surrounding neighbors, this boat had no grace or beauty. She was run down and battered by innumerable collisions over a lifetime that was obviously far beyond the original manufacturer’s planned scrap date. She had been named “Untaught”, Tom Culpeper’s favourite passage from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet: “O thou untaught! what manners is in this? To press before thy father to a grave?”

.

Misquoting Jane Austen

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a gentleman in possession of a good fortune acquired over a short period of time must be in want of an excellent lawyer and/or must have generally done his bit of time somewhere along the way. This has never been the case with the Culpepers. Honest toil is the family motto.

‘The Divine Right of Kings’

To believe in the divine right of Kings and consequently in the unpolluted bloodlines of kings, is to place more trust in the female connubial felicity of Princesses than history would tend to justify.

The thousands of years which have preceded us, rather support those historians amongst us who believe that unless one has been thrown out of a whore house for moral turpitude - in all likelihood dressed in a Nazi uniform and singing “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” - then one is not really a true descendant of traditional blue blood and is not really suitable to be king.

That avenger of connubial perfidy, the manly icon going by the name of Henry VIII, has shown how unsafe royal bloodlines can be, in the case of his Queen Catherine Howard’s proven affair with the courtier Thomas Culpeper.

In consequence the De Greeks refuse to be accessories to the propagation of a falsehood by joining the crowds which are cheering young men with questionable royal blood in their veins, and the unquestionable heart of a clown in their chests.

As far as the virtue of Princesses is concerned, I can only quote that great man of letters and confirmed royalist, Dr Samuel Johnson:

'My dear Sir, never accustom your mind to mingle virtue and vice. The woman's a whore, and there's an end on't.'

CONCLUSION

If you can comment on any of the above I shall be ever so grateful, as your comments will be the equivalent in tender solicitousness to those grapes I mentioned above and will help me to understand if I am going in the right direction.

In the meantime, because I plan to use all the above in the book I am currently writing, please consider all of the above to be under my personal copyright.

Dimitris Mita

De Greek

© Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved. Should you wish to quote any part of this text, please ask for written permission to do so.

Δεν ελπίζω τίποτα. Δε φοβάμαι τίποτα. Είμαι λέφτερος