A Random Short Attention Span Hub

This has been quite a long week. I don't know about you, but my brain is fried. It's been raining, it's cold again for no reason, and my allergies are out to get me. I am not in the greatest mood ever. And now I am ruining your day, too, because you are reading my little whinefest.

I have been unable to focus on anything at all today. I've had random, scattered thoughts and no attention span at all. Since I have feeling I am not the only one experiencing this, I thought I would create a random short attention span hub. Maybe you are like me and just unable to focus on any one hub for longer than a paragraph on this dreary day. If so, this is the hub for you. Even if it is not a dreary day when you read this hub, this hub can still be for you! Maybe you have a really short attention span and that is totally OK with me. I am not here to judge anyone.

So let's let the short attention span thoughts begin...

Forks and spoons are very important eating utensils.  Have you ever tried to determine which one is better?  I am going to go on the record as saying I think the spoon is better.

Have you ever tried to eat soup with a fork?  How about yogurt?  Ever tried to cool hot tea by blowing on a fork full of tea?  Bet you can't!  That is because the fork is inferior to the spoon.  A spoon can do all of that and more! 

Whenever the spoon needs a replacement, the fork is not equiped to handle the situation.  However, if your fork disappears, the spoon can stand in as a replacement.  The spoon can be used to eat rice, ravioli, salads, etc.  Give the spoon a job to do and the spoon will step up to the challenge.  I can't say that about the fork. 

Of course, there is always the unnatural, yet helpful spork. 

Did you know groundhogs and woodchucks are the same animal?  Amazing, isn't it?  My parents had some type of critter in their yard last year and we had a debate as to whether it was a groundhog or a woodchuck.  Well, guess what?  Everyone was right!  They are the same animal.  It depends on where you are located.  How did I get this far in life without know that information?

Now, the next time it is Groundhog Day you can ask everyone, "Did the woodchuck see his shadow?"  Then you can educate them.  It will be a learning experience.  Also, how much wood would a groundhog chuck if a groundhog could chuck wood?  I don't know the answer to that and it is totally not a catchy saying at all, but hey, it still works.

I just passed by a guy when I was walking home that was listening to some music, walking, bopping his head, and singing.  Can I just say that is creepy?  If you are a dude that jams to some music while walking down the street, do not sing.  You are not auditioning for American Idol.  Everyone walking by you thinks you are weird.  Don't be "that guy."  Just stop.

Mice are pretty harmless creatures. Yet so many people are afraid of them. Why is this? Yes, if your house or apartment is infested with them, that is really gross. You probably need to call an exterminator. However, if someone sees one or two cute mice at the pet store, how is that scary at all? They are in a tank.  Even if you see one scurry past you in a yard, a mouse is a tiny little critter; it cannot harm you.

Mice are actually extremely intelligent creatures. They can be trained to do tricks and they can be several different colors. Mice like to run on the wheel just like hamsters. They enjoy human interaction as well as interaction with other mice. What a cute, sweet little animal.

Let's talk about Craigslist. I've been dying to talk about Craigslist. However, due to my short attention span, I never got around to discussing it. So here it is.

Craigslist can be a really helpful site. You can meet new people, you can post anything at all on it you want to sell, you can find an apartment, you can find a job, and you can have a few laughs. There are some real weirdos on Craigslist. I have seen people selling everything, including their soul on it. I have seen people list amazing jobs. I saw a bathroom / locker room attendant job listed that paid minimum wage and expected the person to "dress professionally" and "wait on gentleman."   That sounds like the worst job ever.  I am frightened for anyone that got hired for the job.

The next time you are bored, go to Craigslist and begin searching for random items. It is fun. Maybe you are in the market for a new ghost or a new donkey. Trust me, it's on there.

Let's talk about dudes that live in their parent's basement and won't move out. I call these folks "Basement Dwellers." For some reason, I must have a tattoo on my forehead that says, "I love to date guys that live in their parents' basement. Job and any type of income totally optional." Actually, that would be a pretty long tattoo, but you get my point.

Let me break it down for you: if you are over 25 years old and you live in your parents' basement, you need to move. If you do not move, please do not act surprised when women don't date you. I mean, it is a free country, so if you want to live in the basement, no one can stop you. Just remember, it is a free country for women, too, and they are not going out with you.

I know times are tough, trust me. Find some roommates and an apartment. Don't be that dude that is alone in the basement at age 40 and playing World of Warcraft on the computer.

• Fired from my last job - ready to start today.
• I looken fer jab in ofice. Hoopin fer manegment potsiten.
• Mother of eight wonderful children. (Even if it's true, leave it out!)
• Objective: Hoping to become the world's next supermodel. (The job is for an admin position.)
• Using the word "objection" instead of "objective."
• Reason for leaving last job: It was a little awkward staying after I was fired and they stopped paying me.
• Reason for leaving last job: They sucked.

Bonus Advice: Don't email the resume from hotmama123@yahoo.com or sexykitten@gmail.com. The only people calling you back will be pervs.

I hope you've enjoyed my hub or what perhaps some people would consider my little nervous breakdown. It has been quite a day and I am done for now. Perhaps I will add to this hub whenever I am bored. Perhaps I will just pretend this hub never happened. It is a tough call.