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Don't Become a Basement Dweller

Updated on September 18, 2011
Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannie has been writing for HubPages for over 5 years. She covers a wide variety of topics—anything from hamsters to office work.

Hanging Out in the Basement

It has come to my attention recently that there is a need to discuss a serious issue in today's society: Basement Dwellers. Yes, it is a delicate subject, but someone has to do something about it. You may ask, "What is a Basement Dweller?" Oh, what a charmed life you are living. Let me explain.

A Basement Dweller is any guy age 14 and up that has somehow determined it is in his best interest to forever hang out in his parents' basement. Often, this Basement Dweller sets up a "bachelor pad" in the basement by moving all his bedroom furniture to one section of the basement. Then, he continues to build his own little kingdom by adding a computer desk, computer, television, and several game consoles. It is like a single dudes' paradise.

The problem with the "man cave" (as some have been known to call it) is some guys never move out. They literally move all their belongings to the basement and stay parked there for an indefinite period of time. All of this behavior, to some degree, can be fine for a young man until he reaches his early '20s. Then it begins to become an issue.

How do you know it is becoming an issue? Does the basement smell like feet? Is the Basement Dweller 30 years old (or even older)? Is he afraid of women? Does he scare the women he approaches online? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, it is becoming an issue.

How to Recognize a Basement Dweller

Basement Dwellers, much like vampires, rarely come out in the day. Sometimes you may see them attending college classes or even working, but usually work and getting an education is not a top priority. Instead, you are more likely to see these elusive creatures when a new video game is released or a comic book convention comes to town. I went to a Weird Al Yankovic concert once and it was crawling with Basement Dwellers.

You can often determine someone is a Basement Dweller from the pasty white skin. This is attributed to a lack of sunshine since basements so often do not have full windows. Usually their hair looks as if it has not experienced a shampoo in a long time. Also, you can often hear short conversations about subjects like Star Wars or Warhammer if you listen closely to a group of Basement Dwellers.

Do not approach the Basement Dweller! These guys sometimes have not been forced to have an actual conversation in years. Most of their conversations involve online chats or grunts from fellow Basement Dwellers that occasionally congregate in one chosen basement for some type of role playing game.

Basement Dweller Prevention

The most obvious step is, DO NOT move into your parents' basement. It might seem like a nice idea at the time, but nothing good can come of it. Stay out of the basement. Look for some interesting outdoor activities you may enjoy. When all else fails, get a job. Hey, you can even try talking to a female! Maybe go out on some dates. And no, she does not want to hang out in your basement.

Parents, make sure to force your sons to go out and experience daylight every now and then. Sometimes you are going to have to cut off the power in the basement so your Basement Dweller will be forced to leave. In some situations, simply turning off the internet or cable will be enough. Encourage him to get a job. Encourage him to go to college. Even if it is just community college, he would still have to experience life outside the basement. Most colleges do not hold too many classes in the basement, so it will still be a safe environment for your recovering Basement Dweller.

Light at the End of the Basement

Just remember, there is hope for everyone. Fellows that hang out in the basement can be conditioned to leave the basement just a little each day. It is all about baby steps for the Basement Dweller. Yes, it can be frightening having conversations with actual human beings, but it can happen. Some Basement Dwellers discover they are actually quite talented at having real conversations. Some Basement Dwellers even determine they would like to come out in the sun and experience the world more often.

Anyone can recover from this dangerous condition, but they must first admit they have a problem. Once they take the first step, anything is possible! Good luck to you!


Submit a Comment

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks! That was the angle I was trying to take. The Basement Dweller can be a complex creature.

  • profile image

    Vladi Dorfman 6 years ago

    You cracked me! You come from a point of a scientist examining a very peculiar but interesting specie :)

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I must help those that need the most help. After all, it is often very awkward for basement dwellers to become a part of society and ask for help on their own. That is why I am here.

  • weestro profile image

    Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

    Awesome hub, I think it's a great thing you are doing here, without awareness there's no prevention!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I am glad you agree with me on the seriousness of this terrible condition. Many people try to pretend it does not exist. They try to pretend having a son living in the basement is normal, but it isn't. It is even worse if it is an unfinished basement, which I have also seen. How terrible! Little did I know there were garage dwellers, too! What is going on in this world?

    Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment.

  • nycgrl profile image

    nycgrl 6 years ago from New York

    Another hilarious hub that does bring attention to a very serious problem. While this basement dwelling disease might occur in the occasional female, the majority of sufferers are male. And in this economic slump they seemed to have tripled now with good excuses to never leave mommy and daddy's house. I moved out 1 year or so out of college at 24 and anybody past the age of 25 still living with their parents, I have to question what is wrong with you (unless you have some extreme situation as one of your parents is ill or something). And no women should stay away from basement dwellers because dating them will morph them into moochers and you into sugar momma LOL! Great hub, voted up!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Yes, I do wonder what may be going on in some of these basements. Sadly, I have actually dated some basement dwellers in my time. That is why I have "the inside scoop" on it. It is funny you lived in your parents basement for a month. It sounds like they were just making sure you did not become a Basement Dweller. They were just looking out for you! :-)

    Thanks for the comment and the votes up!

  • Katharella profile image

    Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

    LOL brilliant. And so true! The pasty white skin and Vampire like HAHAAAA.... Makes me think some mom's should check for hidden bodies that are not the girl they had sneak in the night before LOL!

    I stayed in my parents basement myself for about a month, but I found a small apartment quick. Unlike men, I found mom's great southern cooking was adding lbs, and dad was treating me as if I was 16 again "where ya going, when will you be back?" lol. Asking him why he didn't ask me these things before I moved back didn't seem to matter lol! :) I also didn't unpack but a few changes of clothing and make up! As well as a constant lookout for a new apt. :D ha... great hub! v-up!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you so much for your support in this matter. It is important that we all become familiar with this terrible condition. Thanks for the votes, too!

  • ThoughtSandwiches profile image

    ThoughtSandwiches 6 years ago from Reno, Nevada

    I shudder at the thought of what might have occurred had I not been raised in Southern California (where basements are not really prevalent)!

    You paint a disturbing visage of what could have been an alternate reality. You are doing God's work with your warning my friend.

    As such...I shall follow pasty white thing I got working is from typing hubs like a freak...not living in a basement like a freak. Voted all the Ups.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    That would probably be another sign that someone has become a basement dweller: Cheetos stuck in hair. Hehe. Thanks for reading and thanks for the votes. It is good that we spread the word about this terrible condition.

  • Cloverleaf profile image

    Cloverleaf 6 years ago from Calgary, AB, Canada

    Hi Jeannie!

    When I read your hub I thought about an episode of the Big Bang Theory where Penny got obsessed with playing video games to the point that she got cheetos stuck in her hair.. I think basement dwelling is quite a serious problem and the first step for any basement dweller is to admit they have a problem and then SEEK HELP!

    Voted up and very funny,


  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for the comment and the votes. It is time more people understand this shocking condition!

  • kittythedreamer profile image

    Nicole Canfield 6 years ago from the Ether

    Voted up and funny! Absolutely gave me a giggle and so true!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for the comment and the vote up!

  • Frannie Dee profile image

    Frannie Dee 6 years ago from Chicago Northwest Suburb

    Nice hub, voted up. Like your links too!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Oh dear! I did not realize women were suffering from this as well. I am glad to hear your friend is now recovering though. A second floor apartment should be a good step for her.

    Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment!

  • nikki_m profile image

    nikki_m 6 years ago from Kansas City, Missouri

    Jeannie, thank you for bringing much needed attention to this growing problem! Parents everywhere are ignoring the all-important warning signs, living in a world of basemen dweller denial, allowing this condition to spiral out of control. With the increase in online classes, and even working from home opportunities, the "functional" basement dweller is also something that we are seeing more and more of.

    One thing I think I should point out, however, is that a basement dweller need not always be male. The condition has been known to develop in females as well, albeit those with similar interests as their male counterparts (role-playing games, internet, programming, syfy, etc...). I myself have a very good friend who was a basement dweller, who is recovering. She now lives in a second floor apartment (even though she has blinds about as think as cinder-blocks)!

    (Nice Hub, as always! Made me giggle)

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you for sharing this information. I had no idea there were Travel Trailer Dwellers and Garage Dwellers, too. Maybe that is a west coast thing! I am very concerned for their welfare, too!

    Thanks for reading and thanks for the votes! :-)

  • K. Burns Darling profile image

    Kristen Burns-Darling 6 years ago from Orange County, California

    I love it! In Southern California we have no basements, so no basement dwellers, but we do have what I believe to be a closely related species that is sometimes called a "Garage Dwellers." I also once caught a glimpse of the very rare and elusive "Travel Trailer Dweller." Too Funny! Thanks for the laugh! Voted up, funny, awesome, and interesting