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Douchebag of the Week: Paris Hilton

Updated on September 3, 2010
Paris Hiltons recent mug shot
Paris Hiltons recent mug shot

I know what you're thinking, Paris Hilton is kind of a given, she's an idiot not a douchebag and your questioning whether or not women can even be douchebags. First, Paris is a given,it was a slow news week and I didn't want to write about Nyger Morgan today. Second, you can only be an idiot up to the point of belligerent, after that your a douchebag. Thirdly, I say indeed, sir or madam, women are just as capable of carrying the douchebag bag as any male and let's face it Paris Hilton is a grade A douchebag.

I realize that Paris was arrested last Friday, which technically was last week, but it was this week when she got her stories confused over who's purse and/or cocaine it was. I'm getting ahead of myself.

Fade In:

We journey back to July 2nd, South Africa, Worldcup match Holland v. Brasil and a Paris Hilton arrest for marijuana consumption. The charges were later dismissed.

Cut to:

July 17th, Corsica France. Paris Hilton is once again arrested for marijuana, only this time it's possession. The charges were, again, dropped.

Cut to:

August 24th, Sherman Oaks, California. A guy is arrested outside Paris's home with knives. Paris's reaction? A tweet, “So Scary, just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes. Cops are here arresting him.”

Cut to:

August 27th, Las Vegas, Nevada. Paris Hilton is arrested for felony cocaine possession. This one's a classic folks! Paris asked for her purse so that she could get some lip balm and the bag of coke fell out. I mean seriously, how effin stupid do you have to be? Oh, and I don't think the charges will be dropped on this one.

Fade to black.

Now that's three drug related arrests in a two month period, you might want to take that as a hint that someone upstairs may be telling you something. Hey Paris, it's called a limousine and we all know you can afford it. It didn't matter if you were driving or not, you were both high. Seriously, why would anyone, ever drive in a city like Las Vegas when they could afford otherwise? You know that your going to be engaging in at least one of the towns vices, so why risk it? That, everything else previously listed and the fact that you just don't get it makes you the Douchebag of the Week. Well done madam, well done indeed.

Learn to avoid being a douchebag yourself by reading 10 Commandments to Avoid Being a Douchebag

Last weeks douchbag, Jay Mariotti


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    • Skaditch profile image

      Skaditch 7 years ago from Los Angeles

      It'll be entertaining to find out. Thanks Itfawkes!

    • ltfawkes profile image

      ltfawkes 7 years ago from NE Ohio

      You don't think the charges will be dropped? Hmm. It'll be interesting to see . . .

      Nice hub.