Ponderings: On Forgiveness
My Inspiration
In 2014, Jo_Goldsmith11 took it upon herself to initiate the Light2Love Project Good Words.
Jo pledged to use good words and publish articles used to empower, encourage, support and defend those who need to be shown love.
Jo offered us a good word for each week to focus our thoughts, behaviors and actions on...In the 11th week, Jo wrote her perspective on the word forgiveness.
However, as 2014 came to an end, Jo filed away her Good Word articles - as she begins the process of publishing it in e-book'. Shyron E. Shenko continues to write a beautiful poem to accompany each Good Word to inspire and lead us.
The ripple effect of the Good Words Project throughout the HubVille community has been heartwarming.
Please join me with some of my musical thoughts and reflections on the word forgiveness...
I'm sorry
So sorry
Please accept my apology
But love is blind
And I was too blind to see
— Brenda LeeBrenda Lee: I'm Sorry
The Early Years
Momma loved Brenda Lee's music. In turn, I loved Brenda Lee's music - especially the song: "I'm Sorry".
This iconic song hit the radio in 1960 and I was born the November after, in 1961.
Looking back, I must have truly tormented my dear Mother ... at least from what I'm told singing these lyrics like a bad imitation of Baby Jane Hudson.
Mom was hanging laundry on the line and something possessed me to lock the back door. It was simple really. A child could do it ... :) My older brother was yanked out of school with his spare key. After that day, Mom always safety - pinned a key to her clothing when hanging laundry.
That same year, I ended up in the ER ... finally discovering the answer to what happens when you jam a carrot up your nose. I have yet to discover the why part...!
I learned love, acceptance and forgiveness from my parents - each in their own way. Apologizing was the honorable thing to do when you were wrong. Dad was famous for saying: "Apologize like you mean it".
It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
— Elton JohnRay Charles & Elton John: Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
Forgiveness of Others
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella said at a recent interview at the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing in Phoenix: "And that, I think, might be one of the additional superpowers that quite frankly women who don't ask for raises have."
"Because that's good karma," Nadella continued. "It'll come back because somebody's going to know that's the kind of person that I want to trust. That's the kind of person that I want to really give more responsibility to."
What the hell, Satya... did you really listen to how that sounded? Well, I guess he did... after a whole bunch of women freaked out... and rightly so.
In fact, it's speculated that the gaffe may actually bring more gender equality to the industry.
Nadella has since made a public apology, calling his statement a "wrong and terrible answer to the question" and now wanting Microsoft to be an agent of change in regards to gender disparity in the tech industry.
Shortly after this statement, Nadella took to Twitter, saying that "men and women should get equal pay for equal work." He added that "If you think you deserve a raise, you should just ask." ..... Apologize like you mean it. (Dad, it sounds like he does...??)
So while the jury is out on Nadella, I, for one. appreciate his retraction.
LeAnn Rimes: What I Cannot Change
Forgiveness of Self
I am currently teaching a psychiatric nursing clinical rotation.
Self - discovery and personal insights are gained as the students learn how to therapeutically communicate with their clients. I encourage students to share freely in our morning and afternoon conferences.
Sobbing openly about how it must feel to hear voices and the compassion she felt, one young lady in her early twenties promised to never cry again: "I'm sorry". I asked her to promise to never make such a promise again!
Of all the folks (take management, please!) who should be apologizing, we need all the love and compassion we can get in the health care profession. And I gave her a hug with tears in my eyes...
I admit that I'm still way easier on others than myself...!!
Reminds Me Of Forgiveness
The Devil Made Me Do It
Martie Coetser
Martie Coetser was the first friend that I passed the baton to with LOVE, as the very first Good Word of Jo Goldsmith's project.
Yet, when I think of forgiveness, I cannot help but think of Martie as well.
We are truly soul mates, as friends go ... having been with each other through both good and bad times. Even though many miles separate us, the distance between our hearts makes it feel as though we live across the street from each other.
Come to think of it, it that were true, Martie could have helped the other day... oh wait, she did!
Andy Jordan gave marcoujor a taste of her own medicine! I could feel my sweet Momma in heaven, smiling and watching over Andy... he decided it would be cool to follow his Dad to work, slipping under the gate and running out to the street quick as lightning. Slow and calmly (kinda), I was able to encourage my curious pup back home safely -- where some words were exchanged mostly for my benefit I am sure.
And Martie, how was she able to help...? She grounded me and reminded me of the importance of love, forgiveness and especially a sense of humor:
Hugs to you, my sweet mar, BTW, I know you have forgiven Mr. Andy. But yes, chicken wire has to be put up without any delay. Although know he will tear that away, and you will be watching now to make sure he isn't hurting himself to pieces ??? Exactly what our Rott-Basset has done to the wire we put up to keep him in the back yard. Fortunately he grew up and too big to get himself through the gates. ♥ you! Martie
I believe there is no other writer who has expounded on the subject of forgiveness, especially self - forgiveness more than Martie Coetser in her thought provoking and comprehensive work.
I have included some of Martie's links throughout this hub and below, but please check through the HubPages profile and Martie's Foyer website of this amazing writer for yourself.
AND for the next few weeks, I am hereby granting Martie all the self- forgiveness she needs from answering comments...and otherwise keeping in touch with all of her good friends in HubVille (although knowing her, she'll try here and there as she is able!) Martie is in the process of finishing up an exciting novel...and has another couple of major irons in the fires of her life right now...!
Andy and I'll see you next week... oh yeah, now the little guy wants to be a writer?! I'm seeing crayons all over the walls here.........................(note to self...leave Martie alone for a couple weeks...you can do this, mar!!)
© Maria Jordan (October, 2014)
Written by Martie Coetser
- A Letter to my Father by Martie Coetser
Pappie, this is but all I have on my heart. Besides this, I treasure the most wonderful memories of you.... - Courting disaster with a con artist: A true story - Martie's Foyer
We are all born with a gut feeling, a sixth sense, an instinctive ability to sense danger – call it whatever you want. Respecting and appreciating this sense just as much as all our other senses, is vital. - Day of Reconciliation – 16 December – South Africa
THE DAY to acknowledge and ponder the Almighty Power that disposes while mankind proposes...
Comments
This reminds me....didn't you mention that you were passing one of the batons to me in the near future? Did you do that and I missed it? If so, I'm terribly sorry. I don't remember hearing back from you on it. I'm still game if the offer is open.
love,
bill
Carrot up the nose? Really, Mar? Whatever possessed you to even think about it, let alone try it! I'm sure you were in pain but the picture in my head is hilarious.
I agree with you about Martie. She's a lady full of love and shares it freely with those she trusts. I'm excited about her book and look forward to reading it when it hits the stores.
Enjoy your day my friend!
Lot o love,
Sha
- Author
Bill, Hoping you got my long winded e-mail by now... you're cool :))
Sha, At THREE years of age, I am pleading the Freudian excuse of the "id-ridden" toddler personality... sorta like when adults put lamp shades on their heads. I'm not proud of it, I just did it (LOL)! And yes, I know Martie's book is going to be amazing... Love you too, Maria
Dear Maria,
Love this, your music is really great. I always loved Brenda Lee with that sort of whiny but compelling song!
Maybe the next baton should be Purity, as in "Puppy Mischief"! Just one look at your fur baby's sparkling eyes says it all!
Have you always had one nostril bigger than the other since you were 3?
Just askin'
Turning to our Sista Martie - she is a great example to us all of the struggle it often takes to find forgiveness for life events that often seem to be unforgivable! I think of her as so strong for her questioning, her assessment and her final analysis of things. I find myself wondering what is in her new book?
Great article!
- Author
In the words of that 'whiny but compelling (LMAO) Brenda Lee'...
"I'm Sorry", dear Vickster...but are all my Sistas gonna ask these tough questions today (I'm still reeling from Sha and lying on the couch with Dr. Freud working it out... :)))
I am now prepared to 'broad shoulder' it and hazard a guess that my brother Johnny nicknamed me 'Big Head' because I indeed... "had one nostril bigger than the other since (I was)... three"
...and now to wonder what is in this SA Sista's new book... I hear 'only her editor knows for sure (LOL)...'! Love, hugs and smiles...now PURITY... oh, you have me wagging my tail on that one! Mareer
You bad, bad girl, you, locking your momma outside ... hee hee. Love the stories you share here, dear Maria, and can certainly relate to them. My sweet momma was so full of grace, mercy which all are intertwined with forgiveness in my mind! My siblings and I sure pulled some good ones on her, especially when my dad was away during the wars. Bless her sweet soul.
Brenda Lee's song is unforgettable.
You have certainly brought home here the importance of forgiveness in our lives and especially in forgiving ourselves. It is essential that forgiveness permeates every aspect of our lives, for any unforgiveness in our hearts can actually make us physically and mentally sick. Being a nurse, I know you know this fact already.
Aw, look at Andy there ... your story about his escape to follow his dad to work is priceless. It reminds me (different scenario though) of the time when my children were small and we actually had three labs at the time. We were gone for a couple of days, but had someone to check in on them and feed them, etc., of course. When we arrived back home, we thought we had been vandalized, because every single item in our storage shed had been drug out into the yard, with the bicycle seats chewed up along with everything else, paint cans ...plus every screen on the back of our house was removed and chewed up! We were about to call the police, but when we saw our labs, they all in one instance lowered their heads in shame and seemingly asking for forgiveness LOL. We knew they were all guilty, but surprisingly one did not rat-out the othera : ). Of course, we forgave them all instantly, as we knew they just missed us.
Personally, I had to deal with unforgiveness in my heart, that I did not really realize was there until I was about 30, concerning my dad, who suffered terribly with PTSD in his lifetime after returning home from Korea and Vietnam. I did not understand the torment he endured daily when I was a child. So, I harbored resentment, for life was so difficult at times growing up, when during those times, the Vets really did not seek help and not sure if they even knew of PTSD at the time. Finally, the Lord revealed to me this unforgiveness in my heart, and I have been truly set free from that terrible bondage and chains. Forgiveness is a powerful act and a must if we are to get through this life and be able to live life to the full. Now, I have nothing but compassion in my heart for my dad and I understand he suffered much more than we ever did.
Martie is beautiful and you are too. Thank you for being you!
Sorry for rambling on here. I am enjoying a long weekend and have this Monday off ... so I get to ramble on!
Up +++++ tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing
Love you and (((Hugs)) to you
- Author
"Sorry for rambling on here. I am enjoying a long weekend and have this Monday off ... so I get to ramble on!"
I do not accept this apology any more than I accepted my beautiful student's apology for crying tears of compassion for the patients, my sweet and lovely Faith. I love that you have a long weekend and especially love that you have blessed my article with your meaningful, inspirational and heartfelt words.
I know you totally understand my feelings about Andy Jordan, as I understood his instincts. And your story of the homecoming and the redecorating your 'three' labs did in your absence gives me 'paws' and perspective!
I know our Mommas were more alike than not - "filled with mercy and grace". I was the angel compared to some of the stunts my brothers pulled...wow, Miss Sammie is sitting back now and smiling.
Thank you for sharing so honorably and honestly about your Dad/ your feelings. What you have learned about forgiveness and compassion - how you behave towards others today makes you an inspiration to me.
Thanks for your kind words about Martie and me, for sharing and the votes. Wishing you a peaceful and relaxing day off. Love you, Maria
That Andy fellow sure has 'eyes' for you, look at them glow. I would use him to light the front porch on Halloween evening.
This presentation is so full of warmth. I can't decide if carrot in nose beats locking mamma out of the house. And rather than giving you a good 'what for', she pinned a key to her sleeve so you couldn't do it again.
You sure picked a good friend in Martie.
What a treat to read this this morning.
Dear Maria, Your inherent and inherited goodness is awesome, and you've linked so many like minded people in your journey. I congratulate you! And I so much appreciate being in the loop. Great to have news and links to Martie. and all the other movers and shakers as well. Thank you!
How ironic that we both used Brenda's ' I'M sorry ' in our hubs this week. This was a fun hub, carrot in the nose, humm.. I agree, Martie is my kind of girl, ready to forgive but will make her stand known on most situations. I like that. It has taken me a long time to learn forgiveness, when I was able to forgive, it changed my whole perspective on life. I love Elton John and Ray Charles so I'm on my way up to watch and listen. Terrific hub Mar...Hugs..
Dear Maria,
I loved this hub, which is full of forgiveness delivered with a healthy dose of humor and compassion!
Most memorable moments:
the carrot up your nose; you locking your poor mama out; Andy's glowing eyes under the caption, "The Devil Made Me Do It."
And I loved your tribute to Martie, her response to you after Andy scared you to death, and the stunning photo of her!
Hugs & Love,
Gail
Voting this hub up across the board.
Oh my gosh, Maria, you funny woman, now I will forever see you with a carrot in your nose. Hahahaha!
My dear, sista.... wait-wait..... let me take another roll on the floor, laughing...
Yes, sharing my thoughts and experiences, dreams and struggles with you, Maria, keeps me 'balanced'. The distance between us is actually a blessing, as it allows just as much objectiveness as subjectiveness. I can't tell you how many times you have given me another perspective on an issue, and so enabled me to forgive and tolerate and even to appreciate whatever I tolerate. (Like naughty little puppies and a boyfriend who is too kind for his shirt.) I am so glad I am doing the same for you, my dear Maria.
True, I am a forgiver. It is very easy for me to understand a person and their actions and then to forgive them. (But not forgetting anything. We have to learn and remember the lessons involved.) We honestly don't know what we are doing when instinct kicks in - like Andy's when he WANTED himself out in the street, free to run wild and jump whatever looks interesting. Only afterwards we realise why and WTF? And we decide to never again.... until instinct (or the devil?) makes us DO IT again.
2:30am down here, and I am honestly tired and even lonely, as this book has become a monster demanding all my attention. I wanted it to be finished before Friday, when we are going to tour the south coast for 10 days. (Planned before I saddled myself with a novel!) But the more I write, the more it wants to be written. Like spring-cleaning a house - once you start focusing on dirt, you see more and more and more dirt to get rid off.
Anyway, I am still here, and I WILL catch up on all your writings before... don't laugh!.... Christmas 2014.
To all my friends in here. You have no idea how I miss you. I know all of you will find this book - fiction, though based on reality - very interesting, as it is about living and surviving in South Africa. Weaving fiction and facts into an engrossing story is one helluva challenge, let me tell you. But eventually this beast of a monster will be groomed and introduced to the world.
Now can you believe it, Maria, I feel exactly the same about 'I Am Sorry'.
Love you all :)
- Author
Mike, I guess you could say I truly have eyes for this little child from Hades...what a perfect picture that captures his 'dark side'...LOL! So glad you enjoyed my lighthearted perspective on FORGIVENESS today.
Thank you for such kind words, dear snakeslane. You are another 'like-minded' Sista as far as the movers and shakers in HubVille go - at least to me! Hoping you received my e-mail a little earlier today as well.
"It has taken me a long time to learn forgiveness, when I was able to forgive, it changed my whole perspective on life." Ruby, this is such a valuable life lesson and I'm in total agreement... "I'M SORRY" -- I just am...and even more convinced we listened to the same jukebox growing up!
Gail, Thanks for your warm, detailed and smile-making comment. Andy is still smiling at his fun visit with you and Uncle Fred yesterday- now totally hooked on his peanut butter treat bars!
Martie, Your comment to me and your friends is as lovely, generous and gracious as you. Glad I was able to make you giggle a little today with some of my antics, as well as those of Mr. Andy Jordan. I know your friends in HubVille will wait as long as it takes for you to visit them and we shall all look forward very much to your book - truly like birthing a baby. Hope you are having a peaceful night's sleep as I write this...and thank you for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment to all of us.
Love and hugs to you all, Maria
Dear Martie,
Wow, can't wait to read your book when it's done. It sounds really interesting! Good luck getting it finished and I hope you enjoy your 10 day tour of the south coast.
Love & Hugs,
Gail
You are a lovely writer, my dear Maria, and I enjoyed reading your compelling thoughts about forgiveness. I have always believed that we can forgive even if we find it difficult to forget.
Speaking of which, I will find it extremely difficult if not impossible to erase that visual image of you entering the ER with that carrot inserted in your nasal cavity.
An amazing thought provoking article here. Please forgive me as I am trying my best to comment on each of your brilliant musical thoughts for each good word. I so appreciate you and your brilliance! Shared, up of course. Looking forward to reading more...hugs!
A great continuation of this series; the ripple effect has been an inspiring gift. Nadella’s comment was jaw dropping. Say what? Was this a Freudian something on his part or did he think this through? The retraction was a good step in the right direction. I would love to attend one of your classes, by the way. We need more Maria’s out there, my friend. I think you and Martie are true soul mates. Forgiving Andy for his playful “what’s out there, Dad?” antics and finding humor in the situation is wonderful. And you are so right about self-forgiveness. This is such a delightful and thought-provoking read, Maria. Thank you!
- Author
Gail, Thanks for stopping back. I know Martie will be in touch with all of us when she has more time. I agree that her book is going to be amazing.
drbj, No way will I ever forget you...and I say that in the bestest of ways! Forgive me if I can't stop giggling at your latest hub - you are such a GAS (I say that fondly not literally, of course!)
NO need for forgiveness, sweet Jo...you are keeping up with me beautifully! You, on the other hand, are miles ahead with your good words - giving me plenty of inspiration in the weeks to come.
Thank you for your thoughtful and detailed comments, dear Genna. I always smile when you stop by and would love to actually co-teach something with you some day...wouldn't that be a hoot!!
Love, hugs and peace to all of you...rest well too, Maria
The carrot part has to be the funniest of all times. Who would have thought that you would do such a thing? Me, of course. I'm thankful to be alive after trying to "start the car" using a bobby pin in an electric socket when I was four. It seemed the reasonable thing to do at the time and am grateful for my parents' forgiveness for blowing most of the fuses in the house. And then there was the time I jumped off the roof of the carport with an umbrella. Kids. They'll give you gray hair.
Forgiveness, it's such an important concept that really affects us more than the person or persons that we forgive. I've seen it fester for four decades in a parent who never forgave my other parent. It did nothing to make life easier.
Your article really brings out the beauty of forgiveness and I couldn't stop singing that Brenda Lee song all day. Thanks(?) Lots of votes up and away to you, friend, for this one. Love from Texas and me.
Oh...Dear Maria, you are always reminding me of events in my life. A carrot? One of my cousins stuck a crayon up his nose.
I laughed when I read about you locking you mom out. My friend and I went to the Hearing and speech center together with my son and her daughter. My son was born deaf and my friend’s daughter was born blind and deaf, but the doctors recovered her eyesight and when she was about three, my friend went out side and her daughter Dawn ran and locked her out and watched as dawn dragged a chair over to the sink and poured dish detergent in the water and ran the over with suds and water, before my friend’s husband came home to unlock the door. I had forgotten about this until I read your hub.
I loved Brenda Lee, any of her songs, favorites All Alone Am I, and Let it be Me. I also love End of the World (I love Skeeter Davis singing “End of the World”).
I went to bed at 3 am. I was listening to my Brenda Lee DVDs.
What a voice. Voted up across the board and shared.
What a precious heart you have, love you.
Shyron
This is beautiful.......Andy's a little IMP.......You are precious, smart & pretty.....and Martie is OOOOO La la.......Gorgeous picture of our South African Queen........Effer loves you all......Have a wonderful day. I send hugs galore!
- Author
Peg, I hope you FORGIVE my tardy response...will write an e-mail mid week when my class load is lighter. You were meant to be a beautician...using those bobby pins for all kinds of things...oh my! Keep singing, girlfriend and catch up soon.
Shyron, Your memories are as sweet as you...love that you were listening to your Brenda Lee too... we have to revisit our classics from time to time.
effer, YOU are beautiful and I love you too! Hugs backatcha!
Have a peaceful week to you all. Love, Maria
The carrot up your nose was around the time of the "Congo situation". I remember the high chair scene well!
- Author
Well, was it 'picture-squaw', smartie...?? I know you do, Car51...LOL.
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