Image Conscious - Do We Have TIME for This?

 Image Consciousness - What did he/she look like?

You know how everyone’s so “image conscious” “in this country” ? How, say, you’re the victim of a mugger, first thing the cops ask, is “what did he look like?” What? What did he look like? He just stole my purse, my laptop and my dignity, but you just wanna know what he looked like?

“Oh, he was very handsome in a kind of ladino kind of way with a tiny little mustache and huge, liquid, brown eyes! Dark wavy hair, masculine chin, a bit of a shadow beard, you know? He had a tiny diamond stud in his nose and I believe he was drooling just a little. Reminded me of Antonio Banderas, that one! Had a little accent when he said “give me your stoopeed bag, lady”!

Or what if you're the victim of a lovely little  “home invasion” (the latest rage in punk crimes, it seems) and two bandits hold you and your family hostage while they load their van up with all your valuables? What do the cops want to know when they arrive? Do they ask if you got a license plate number or which way the van went? Or anything like that?

Nooooo, they want to know, first thing, what did those bandits look like?

“Well, the first one, who came to the door first, was very nice looking, short, and she was wearing a pleated . . .”

“we’ll get to that later - don’t need to know right now what she was wearing, ma’m. You say the FIRST one was a WOMAN? Just tell us, what did she look like!”

“ She was, you know, blonde, kind of dirty blonde, actually, 'course with the HAT on, her hair could have been sort of starwberry blonde, I don’t know, and she was chunky. You know? She was kind of beefy, for a girl. She had a long handled handbag, I remember that, cuz when she reached in it for her gun she had to kinda pull it up?  And she looked like. . .”

“Yes?”

“She looked kinda like a fat Nicole Kidman, if you can imagine that!”

We can’t help ourselves. What is the first thing we want to know ever - when someone says, like,  they met, say, oh, anyone, like, the mailman - at the mailbox. “What did he LOOK like?”

Or say you’re telling your friend about the man down the street who always honks his horn at you, “What does he LOOK like?” and maybe you ask “Why?” and she’ll say, “No reason, just wondering.”

A man walks into a bar (old schtick) "Saaaaaay, what did he LOOK LIKE!"

We want to know what EVERY LITTLE THING LOOKS LIKE! Say, you lose your keys

“What did they LOOK like?”

“My KEYS? For crimenees’ sake. They looked like KEYS on a ring, with a little snowman hanging on the chain, you know?”

Or you lost your boyfriend, “Oh yeah? What did he LOOK like?”

“Why you wanna know?”

“Oh . . . No reason. Just wondering.”

“Sure.”

“No. Really, in case I see that sad f*#$k I can stay clear away.”

“Would you really? Stay clear away!”

“Sure, if he was stoopid enough to leave YOU,  he’d be way too dumb for me!”

“Ahhhhhh. . . That’s sweet!”

OR, like, if you are a woman, you know, when you don’t wear a bra one day, and there’s any man around from say age like 4 to 400, if they never seen you before they wouldn’t be able to tell ANYONE what you really look like. You could have green hair and paint one of your teeth purple, they wouldn’t notice that. They’d know all about what “size you are”, you know? Ever hear those boys talking?  ‘Yeah?” he says, “What SIZE was she?”

Now here is the thing, keep it to yourself. NEVER tell anyone, except the cops, what somebody looks like~! Keepin’ it a little secret “is key“. See.  That way, they’ll keep on wonderin’ and you’ll have them all in your POWER! Because - looks, good looks, and even BAD looks is POWER, sister.

Because - “in this country” and everywhere else in the world as well as far as I know, we got this power attachment to LOOKS!

We’re probably the only species thinks that way. Think of it - does a dog look for another dog based on how the dog LOOKED? No! They base it on what the smell was like! “That dog there had lamb for breakfast. I’m gonna follow that dog ‘round alllll day!” Or, “ That’s a girl dog.”

Or say, you're a CHEETAH!  Do you tell your girlfriends about how that cheetah looked? NO! You SHOW them how FAST he was!  Plus there's that certain male cheetah smell!  AAAAHHHH!

But do we have time for this?  I mean, DO WE?