Internet Rap Battles
The Internet can be a source of all sorts of entertainment. Sometimes without music, sometimes with music. In regards to the form of entertainment with music, one particularly interesting entry in the rap music genre was the rap battle. Called Epic Rap Battles of History, these videos consisted of various people who were popular, both fictional and non-fictional, competing with other famous fictional and non-fictional people in knowing who was the best. These rap battles usually involved people who were gifted in similar fields, were famous for doing things in a similar manner, or were both references to each other. For rap battles that had two people who were proficient in two different forms of music were Skrillex and Mozart, who were famous for their contributions to Dubstep and Classic Music respectively. For people who were in a rap battle for being famous in the same thing, one rap battle that was both unique and awesome were Lewis and Clark rap battling with Bill and Ted, both famed adventurers in real life and in the movies. And for a rap battle that most people who were aware of pop culture references would like, the rap battle between the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles against their Renaissance counterparts. These raps had their competitors say things about their opponents that acknowledged the good and bad that they contributed to the world. And usually the viewer was made to determine who won the battles on their own. But just hearing rap music that was not about a single theme is awesome enough.
Skrillex vs. Mozart
Music has evolved into multiple genres over the years. Up to the point that machines could be used instead of actual instruments. This new genre of music, referred to as Dubstep, had one of its composers, Skrillex, as one of its combatants in a rap battle. All fake of course. Unexpectedly, "Skrillex's" opponent for this rap battle was "Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart". Predictably, this entire rap battle consisted of both these musicians rapping about how they were better composers compared to their opponent. For example, Skrillex starts this rap battle by insulting Mozart with these lines:
My name is Skrillex, man! Welcome to the Devil's Den!
I'm a scary monster stomping this sprite in frilly pants!
You're a weirdo, Wolfie! You're into powdered wigs and poop,
And your cousin blew notes on your little Magic Flute!
Your daddy issues make The Jackson Five look like The Family Circus!
You might have been a genius, but you died baroque and worthless!
I'm rich, acclaimed and famous! I'm on playlists! I'm the A-List!
You're the lamest! Kiss my ass, A-A-A-A-Amadeus!
Which was immediately followed-up by Mozart insulting Skrillex by saying how compared to him, Skrillex was highly insignificant as a musician. As said when he got to rap:
Was that a verse, or did you just get the hiccups?
I'm a prodigy, Sonny, and I'm about to smack a bitch up!
My music is two hundred years old, and it's still excellent!
In two more months, the world will forget about your Skrill-excrement!
I can't believe the way you dress when you dubstep out of the house!
You're like an emo Steve Urkel, and you (ooh!) reek of dead mouse!
I am the world's greatest composer! No one knows what you are,
Except a lonely little troll who knows how to press a space bar!
Long story short, Skrillex and Mozart musically insult each other for awhile, Mozart ends their rap battle by saying how he was making amazing music when he was only five-years-old, and the listener was left with their own opinion on who won.
Lewis and Clark vs. Bill and Ted
Lewis and Clark were two explorers who were famous for exploring much of early America under the guidance of President Jefferson. Bill and Ted, the stars of the movie Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, a movie where traveling through time and space was a major aspect. Naturally, Epic Rap Battles of History had these four participate in their own rap battle. Lewis and Clark, being the real adventurers, began the rap battle, while Bill and Ted, the fictional adventurers, provided counters. Lewis and Clark, as famed American adventurers, started things out by saying how great they were, how insignificant Bill and Ted were compared to them, and referencing a running gag of Bill's hot stepmom. Their verse had lines like:
You can't be starting with Lewis and Clark
'Cause we cut a path through MCs like a walk in the park,
Then give 'em back a whole stack of maps and accurate charts,
Showing exactly where our footprints on their buttocks are marked!
We're two traveling wordsmiths spitting hotter than a furnace,
And we'll own you on the mic like the Louisiana Purchase!
You're worthless! Your future selves shoulda told you that.
Now go back in time and give Doctor Who his phone booth back!
We discovered bears and beavers and prairie dogs and weasels,
Rattlesnakes and catfish, owls, larks and eagles,
And plus flora galore! And according to our observations,
These two d******** right here are severely endangered!
We inspired pioneers and travelers near and far.
You inspired air guitar and Dude, Where's My Car?.
We conquered much greater dangers in our trek through Mother Nature,
So step off! But tell Bill's stepmom: "Don't be a stranger!"
Bill and Ted, initially, were the ones being beaten by Lewis and Clark, but after acknowledging certain depressing facts about Lewis and Clark, they ultimately came out better than their competition. Especially with lyrics like:
Man, they totally burned us. I feel like such a doofus.
What do we do? I don't know. Be excellent. Rufus!
He's right, dude! We don't have to take this kind of abuse
From some Paul Bunyan dudes in potato sack shoes!
You rode a river one direction; we travel four dimensions,
Rescue bodacious babes, and get back for detention!
I've seen your future, Mr. Lewis, and I don't want to be rude,
But spoiler alert: You totally kill yourself, dude!
So we offer you peace with these resplendent medallions,
And we claim this battle for the Wyld Stallyns!
All in all, this was a battle where there was an actual winner, more or less.
Artists vs. TMNT
The artists in this rap battle referred to Leonardo da Vinci, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael. Their opponents, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, were also named Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael. So this rap battle had some of the most well-known artists from the Renaissance versus some of the most iconic characters in the comic book industry. And of course, Epic Rap Battles of History would have an actual rap battle with these similarly named people. And almost immediately Leonardo da Vinci starts things off with a bang. As shown in the introductory lyrics:
Cowabunga, dude, so let's get it on.
Reptiles against the fathers of the Renaissance.
We got the classical technique
To kick these three toed freaks back under the street! (Ooh!)
I take a turtle, and I turn him into mincemeat.
You don't really wanna step to da Vinci.
I love the ladies. I like to keep it mellow,
So let me pass the mic to my man, Donatello!
(Ugh!) Hard shell, but you're gross in the middle.
Wouldn't wanna touch you with a six foot chisel.
Born in goop, raised in poop,
I slice through a group of ninjas like fruit. Oops!
(Yo!) Raphael, and I came to flow!
Deemed dope by the Pope, and I boned til I croaked!
I'm an emcee Shredder, but I get the feeling
I should pass it up to my man on the ceiling!
(Ohhh!) Michelangelo, and I'm giant!
I made David, but I'll slay you like Goliath!
I'm a rap God, and you can't quite touch me!
This battle's your Last Judgment, trust me!
We drop science! We got the mathematics!
The architects of rebirth are rap addicts!
You beat the Foot, but it won't go well
When you catch an Italian boot to the half shell!
But the TMNT, being the martial artists that they were in the comics, had their own raps against the artists. Their verse was:
The wisdom of our master (Splinter)
Taught us not to rush to violence, (Splinter)
But our master (Master Splinter)
Ain't here, dude! (Hee-yah!)
I don't think you wanna mess with my katana blades!
Get back in your floppy helicopter, fly away!
I can bebop and steady rock a mic, sucka!
I'm a pristine Sistine nun chucka!
(Ugh!) Oh hi, I'm a cool but rude guy!
Put you back in school with the tip of my two sai!
Uh, Dona-tell me who you are again, dude,
'Cause I don't Gattamelata clue what you do.
And while the artists arguably had the more imaginative lyrics, this rap battle ended like all the others, with the viewer making their own decision on who won.
Rap Music did not have to always be negative. Here were some examples.