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Internet Rap Battles: Interesting Variations
Internet Rap Battle
In the article Internet Rap Battles I introduced to idea of pitting two fictional and non-fictional characters in a rap battle about who was the better. In the article Epic Rap Battles of History: Interesting Raps I talked how one source on Internet rap battles used two groups of characters or more to create certain rap battles. Of course, thanks to to creative talents of Youtubers, rap battles can involve a huge number of characters, fictional or otherwise. As the picture shows, more recent rap battles involved popular fictional characters. Some, like the picture below, involved fictional siblings from animated shows. But there are other examples included in this article.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
In the article Reboots: Why They Happen and the Results I talked about how the most recent version to the My Little Pony franchise, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and how there were many changes in comparison to the source material. Most notable was the inclusion of royalty. And thanks to the popularity of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, content like rap battles were produced. In this case, a rap battle between the two princesses of the show over who was better. One of the princesses, Princess Celestia, started the rap battle by referencing how she cast her sister in the moon and causing a lack of proper screentime after her introduction. Lyrics were:
My sister, dear sister, we've now come to blows?
What's happened once before when the darkness you chose?!
So jealous of my fame, my prestige, and power,
Even when you return you won't sleep in my tower!
You think you can take me in this battle of rhyme?
Well, maybe you could... if you had more screen-time!
A royal by birth but you're just a disgrace,
Bow down, my sibling, or be cast into space!
Princess Luna, as a reference to fan-interpretation of Celestia being somewhat more villainous than how the creators of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic intended, had some spiteful lines. There was even a reference to the fact that Luna was the arguably more-liked character compared to Celestia. Her lyrics at first were:
Big talk for my sister, you regal mistake,
Tell me, just how does one becomes addicted to cake?
You abuse your power, sitting high on above,
Aww, poor Celestia, with no one to love!
You're still getting letters or did your pupils grow wise,
In the end you're just a troll pretending to advise!
The whole fandom would gladly bow down at my hooves,
Ensemble Darkhorse, Tia, and you can't match these moves!
After a few more lines, one of the newly introduced princesses showed-up to make a good case about why she was the best princess. As shown in the article Epic Rap Battles of History: Interesting Raps, some rap battles ended unexpectedly with a third party finishing with their own raps. In this case, the recently transformed Princess Twilight Sparkle. Her lyrics included:
HEY! Forgetting Somepony?
You two have been squabbling day and night,
So step aside, cuz it's time that we bring in the Twilight!
Oh yes, it's me with your therapy,
Cuz it never got this bad with MY family!
Ever since my coronation I've become the new sensation
Flying circles through the skies of the Equestrian nation
So by royal decree and predestiny
I'll be whoopin' your flanks to the highest degree!
...It's not over yet
Dear Princess Celestia, I've wanted to say
That sitting high on the throne has made you cray cray!
You lounge around in the castle with your perks,
While I'm down in Ponyville with all your dirty work!
And Luna, you gotta turn down that vox!
Cuz I've nearly gone deaf from your Canterlot squawks!
The Dark Ages are done and you're not a Nightmare,
So don't make me shove more harmony up your deriere!
Now I worked my flank off and I earned my place,
So I'm serving love and tolerance straight in your face!
Twilight Sparkle's in the house and she's taking the crown!
So give it up! Cuz you two got a ROYAL BEATDOWN!
Thus, Twilight Sparkle won this rap battle.
One interesting thing about rap battles against fictional characters was the context as to why one character would think that they were better than the other character. In this case, one of the first Disney Princesses, Snow White, taking on one of the most recent Disney Princesses, Elsa. Snow White, from the 1937 film Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs started the battle off by talking about how much better she was. Lyrics included were:
It’s not lame that my aim here’s to tell you the truth
I’ll hit it out of the park like my name is Babe Ruth
Got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
The fact that you can’t claim the same is really a shame
I’m the original princess, you’re a copy of a copy
I am porcelain and perfect and your floppy hair is sloppy
I’m fragile but agile, rarely cross
I am sweet, you can tweet, I’m a treat, like a boss.
Elsa, from the 2013 film Frozen, countered by saying things that referenced Snow White's ditziness in her movie. Lyrics included here were:
Who the hell are you to step to me?
An aimless airhead with a vitamin D deficiency
You got no skills ‘cuz you’re focused on your looks
And let’s get to what was up with you and those seven shnooks (Hi, ho!)
I’ve heard you sing – it’s a high-pitched chirp
You’re dopey. SNOW: You’re grumpy. ELSA: You’re a bashful twerp.
That squeaky, meek demeanor is an awful choice
I can drown you out right now with my powerful voice.
Of course, the next phase of this rap battle involved referencing each other's stories. Snow White referenced the fact that Elsa played a more antagonistic role in her movie. The lyrics here were:
Um, you should know, that’s not singing, you’re just yelling
At least now I can’t heard the mean lies you’re telling
You could’ve grieved with your sister from the start
But no, you’re the one who’s really got a frozen heart
You were selfish and deluded when it comes down to it
Had the chance to do better, but like a porn star, you blew it
As for your powers, they’re hardly legit
You built a whole castle with nowhere to sit
Does it really count as magic if when you let it go
The only thing that moves is ice and snow?
I talk to animals and it always impresses
You’re just a blonde snow-blower in sparkly dresses.
And for the final and winning part of this rap battle, Elsa ended this rap battle by saying that she was a better role model compared to Elsa because at least she did not need a man to save her. Which was mostly true. Lyrics included here were:
That’s right, manipulating snow, I’m the best at that game
Which means you’re under my control ‘cuz that’s your stupid name
And who eats an apple a stranger gives ya? (Duh)
And who needs a man to save and kiss ya?
I’m savvy, strong, single, and so independent
You’re the weakest role model while I am transcendent
You’re a forgotten bygone, yes, time is the cruelest
I’m the newest, the boldest, and literally the coolest
So step aside and hide, go find a cottage to clean
You’re one ditzy princess, I’m a ************* queen.
And then Snow White gets literally frozen.
In 1997 the Pokémon series had its viewers follow the adventures of Ash Ketchum as he went around the world trying to be the best trainer in all the land. A year ago in 1996 the Pokémon franchise truly began as a game where the player controlled their own player (referred to as Red) as they went around the land becoming the best trainer in all the video game land. Needless to say, fans have had arguments about who was the better character. In this rap battle, even the lead characters of the Pokémon franchise as a whole had a chance to say how they were better and how the other character was worse. Ash Ketchum started things out by pointing out that Red was primarily a silent protagonist in his games while singing the praises that being a main character in a cartoon gave Ash. Lyrics were:
Yo my name is Ash Ketchum, from Pallet Town,
And this stupid silent freakshow is going straight down.
If you think you’re going to win you’ve made a serious blunder,
Shock you with my trusty Pikachu…Thunder.
So here’s the famous Red, the star of the first games,
But are you really Red if 8-year-olds can change your name?
I run the show, everyone knows ‘bout Pikachu and Ash,
You get replaced, each genera-tion throws you out like trash.
While you stay stuck in Kanto, I have travelled ‘round the world!
Catching ‘mon, winning badges, followed by hot girls.
I’ve rhymed you down into the ground, so let’s see what you’ve got.
But wait, I think I know already: Dot. Dot. Dot.
Red, subverting his role of silent protagonist, essentially said that he already accomplished a lot of things that Ash still to this day has had trouble with. And even mocked one little aspect in the show that most fans would agree was stupid. These lyrics were:
I normally don’t talk, but it’s a special occasion,
Time to use my rhymes to cause Ash Ketchum’s obliteration.
You’re a child. All you do is lose, cry, and whine.
I’m Red! I’m the greatest trainer of all time!
I’ll crush you, I’ll break you, sweep your team and you’ll be done.
You could never ever hope to beat the Champion!
Took Team Rocket down, by myself, when I was only ten.
You can’t stop three dumb losers who keep blasting off again.
You released your Pokémon and then cried like a little girl.
I caught every single Pokémon in the entire world!
If we had a real battle and we truly got acquainted,
I guarantee the screen would read “Ash Ketchum fainted.”
On the second verse Ash basically says how he was allowed to explore the Pokémon franchise and see what new changes to the game were introduced. And point out that the show had him achieve some impressive feats. And point out that Red became a beatable opponent in one of the sequel games. Lyrics here were:
You think you’re such a master but you’re not all that great.
I have over fifty badges while you have a measly eight.
Sure you completed the dex, but just the Kanto one, man.
Tell me, have you even heard of a Darmanitan?
When there’s a new generation travel to a brand new nation,
While you’re on a cold vacation facing your refrigeration!
I’m Ash! They wanted me for Frontier Brain,
But I said no so I could go around the whole world to train!
Battling a legendary your Charizard almost died,
Mine beat an Articuno, Sceptile beat a Darkrai!
Who will everyone remember when they’ve gotten gray and old?
The hero of their childhood or the one who lost to Gold?
Red's second verse basicall had him add more insults about Ash in the Pokémon cartoon. Most notably the fact that every new season had Ash undergo a soft-reset on how skilled he was as a trainer. Then reference the idea that Red killed a rival's Pokémon. And end with a reference a time when Ash cross-dressed. Lyrics here were:
How many times will you start all over again?
I may only have eight badges, but at least I’m not still ten!
You beat your rival once in every match you’ve fought to date.
I never lost to mine and even killed his Raticate.
You may be better known, but I couldn’t care less,
At least I’m not the one prancing around in a dress.
You met Mewtwo, he turned you into a rock.
When I met Mewtwo, threw my master ball. Caught.
You’re pathetic, one look from me will freak out a Gastly,
You’re wasting my time. See ya never, Ashley.
Surprisingly, this rap battle was a lot more inconclusive about who was the winner.
Rap battles can be pretty fun to watch. And fascinating in how references to fanmade interpretations can appear in one video. Which makes sense since the Internet is a big source of information. Especially with pop culture.