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Kids Say and Do the Craziest Stuff Part 3

Updated on August 15, 2016
BeccaHubbardWoods profile image

I am a mother, a metal head, a goth girl, and lover of all darkness. I'm also a writer, a cake artist, and a general weirdo.

This boy will make something of himself one day...
This boy will make something of himself one day...

Hey Again!

Well, I'm back at it, collecting hilarious stories from parents of awesomely funny kids. I have a few of my own, as well. Kids are the cheapest form of comedic entertainment there is! I know you will get a kick out of these stories, as I've laughed my ass off collecting them. If this is your first time to read one of these hubs, be sure to go back and check out Kids Say and Do the Craziest Sh*t part 1 and part 2. ENJOY!

Whatta Wedgie!

This is a personal story from my youngest son. He was running through the house in his brand new pair of boxer shorts, trying them out for the first time. He started laughing like mad, and yelled to his brother, "Help! My undies are trapped in my butt cheeks!!!"

I made him beautiful!
I made him beautiful!

I'll Keep That In Mind

Contributed by Kimberly Baggett Horton - I took Aedyn to the park with a few friends of mine and their kids. Aedyn found a boy his age to run around with and the boys father was chasing them around the park, playing with them. After so long, the dad started getting tired so he told his son he was going to go sit and rest a bit and kissed the boy on the mouth. Aedyn screams out "Ewwwwwww!!! We don't ever kiss other boys on the mouth!!!" The man just walked off and said he would keep that in mind!

"I've Never Seen Such Saggy Bagpipes!"
"I've Never Seen Such Saggy Bagpipes!"

Don't Worry Mommy!!!

Contributed by Toni Murphy: I got a story about the girls for you this Christmas, Samantha (the 4 year old) and Ava (the 3 year old) were fighting and the Christmas tree got knocked over. When I asked what happened, this is the answer I got - Samantha: Ava was acting up and I told her Santa was watching, so we were looking out the window to see if Santa was watching, and Ava pushed me and knocked the tree over! So this is all Ava's fault! Ava: Mom, don't worry! Santa didn't see, so I'm still getting my presents!

MMM... You taste like chicken!
MMM... You taste like chicken!

Do Your Part!

Contributed by Jared Golden: One night, when my step-daughter was 9, she told me and her mother that, for only a quarter a day, we could feed an African American. We had to tell her that the commercials were talking about Africans, not African Americans.

Also - When my nephew was 3, I told him to punch my girlfriend in the butt cheek. After a few punches, he stopped and asked her, "Why is it so mushy?"

No caption needed.
No caption needed.

Bieber Fever

Contributed by Misty Valentine: The other day we were at a grocery store, and this boy was walking around with long hair. Next thing I know, all 3 boys were Yelling "Justin Bieber!" and singing "Baby Baby"

"Mommy, Donald just asked me to call him Daddy..."
"Mommy, Donald just asked me to call him Daddy..."

I Did Nothing Wrong!

Contributed by Karena Evans: Today, while Emalee and I were out shopping, she was picking up everything and looking at it. I told her to stop picking up stuff she said "I just looking, don't tell me no mommy, I just looking, ok?" She's 2 1/2

Hair of the dog.
Hair of the dog.

Naughty (Non)Napper

Contributed by Jerilee Wei: My daughter at four did not take naps. At nursery school this was a problem since she kept the other kids awake so they moved her little cot into a nearby hallway and let her play as long as she was laying down. A teacher thought she was too quiet and when she checked on her she had removed all her clothes and had folded them neatly in a pile. The teacher asked her what she was doing and she cheerfully told her, "my mommy and I always sleep this way.". There were no coherent words that came to mind when I was confronted by the teacher as to if this was true. It wasn't but I was so embarrassed.

If that wasn't bad enough the very next day my little darling spent her nap time flushing 40 very small paper cups down the commode. Needless to say her nursery school career came to a quick ending.

Pretty sure my bitch fell off back there...
Pretty sure my bitch fell off back there...

Pleasant Thoughts

Contributed by Andria Frogdropping: When my daughter was three she asked:

"when I'm 30 and you're dead, will I be able to drive like you?"

I said NO PICTURES, BITCH!
I said NO PICTURES, BITCH!

My Own Mother's Stories

Contributed by Cathy Clanton Golden (My mother): When Brian (Becca's brother) was two years old we were sitting on the couch and he was supposed to be asleep. I was watching a vampire movie and was really into the movie...All of a sudden he sits up and holds his hands on both sides of his face and growled I AM A TAMPIRE.....

When Felisha (Becca's sister) was two years old we were driving down the road and we passed J.C. Penny's. She was always asking what every thing was, so when we passed that store she asked me what it was. I told her that it was the store J.C. Penny's. Well she smiled real big and said I know what they sell there.... panty's!!!!

And this one is about me - Thanks Mom... When Becca was three years old my oldest daughter Felisha was 12 years old and Becca thought that every time that Felisha went into the restroom she was supposed to go with her. Well on that day Felisha locked the door on Becca and she came stomping into the living room with her hands on her hips very mad. I asked her what was wrong and she said "I NEED A PAD AND FELISHA HAS THE DOOR LOCKED..." Her dad almost fell off the couch, he turned and asked me what I was going to do about her, I was laughing so hard I just shook my head..

"What the HELL? I'm 3!!!"
"What the HELL? I'm 3!!!"

Cereal Cursing

Contributed by Toyce Dixon: When my oldest son was 2, we were at Walmart, grocery shopping. This wasn't the normal 2 year old! He was holding conversations with grown ups! Back to the story, we were on the cereal isle he reached for some Kellogg's corn flakes. I told him to stop, he's not getting any of them anymore because he just wastes them. I told him not to grab at anymore cereal, if he did he was in trouble. Out of no where he said " Daddy, I'll Fuck you up!" I wasn't really paying attention to him so I told him to repeat that what he just said!!! He said, "Daddy, I'll Fuck you up!!!" He then gave me this evil look and I tore his butt up! In front of everyone and I asked the people that saw the incident would you like some! He still haven't said a cuss word to me or my wife to this day!

Comments

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  • BeccaHubbardWoods profile imageAUTHOR

    Becca Hubbard-Woods 

    2 years ago from Outside your window.

    Thanks for stopping by! Kids really are the best LOL!

  • norlawrence profile image

    Norma Lawrence 

    2 years ago from California

    Very good article. I enjoyed it very much.

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