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THE NEXT BEST THING TO HAVING SEX

Updated on February 8, 2011

Food for thought: picture in your mind, the next best thing

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A WHOLE NEW MEANING

For the stick in the mud, let’s-get-it-on-and-over-with type, (probably a guy!) spending any amount of time exploring this question could be hard and as boring and perhaps as frustrating as foreplay. So I apologize ahead of time if reading this causes any change to the color of the family jewelry.

When I googled this question, one item that popped up indicated that sex is the number one best thing ever, with, believe it or not, God coming in second! I hope that’s not too sacrilegious, and I hope my hard drive won’t explode before I finish this hub. I hope coming in second doesn’t rub God the wrong way or anyone else for that matter. After all, the big guy or gal, created sex. So there! Should be pretty proud of him/her self!

Can you see God being interviewed by Larry King, who thought he was God?

"So what's it like coming in second to sex?  Is that upsetting to you in anyway?"

"What can I say, Larry?  I just outdid myself!"

Well, when I dived into some neuroscience on the topic (check out http://www.mindhacks.com/blog/2008/02/orgasm_and_the_brain.html ), it could be that the next best thing to having sex is THINKING about sex (a whole new meaning to brainstorming) Yes, some people, I think mainly women, can have an orgasm by just thinking about having one with no stimulation of any body parts! A whole new meaning to that scene in the movie "Harry Meets Sally."

AND a whole new meaning to getting stuck in traffic.

"Where are you, for crying out loud? You said you would be here a half hour ago, and do you remember why we set aside this time?"

"I DO REMEMBER AND BELIEVE ME, HONEY, I’M MORE THAN ON MY WAY. I’M DEFINITELY COMING!"

Learning this "tidbit" of neurogymnastics shoots across all those worries we have about organ size, appearances, shapes, position, fat or thin, I mean the whole nine yards (or five and a half inches as the case usually is). I mean, come on!

Wow! So maybe those Easterners are right-on about us being, at rock bottom, ENERGY, with our bodies simply being a physical manifestation of the energy. Looks like neurogymnastics is proving the point.

By the way, I would like to think I coined that word, because I never heard it before and it just sort of rolled out of my fingertips, but I just googled it, and it’s out there big time already!

So neurosex (not a new word either) will be to the adult entertainment business what the electric car still is to the oil industry! A whole new meaning to that saying, "You’ve come along way, baby!"

You know they have these anecdotal stories. One I always remember is a soldier who is a prisoner of war for several years, detained in a very very small cell. To maintain hope and sanity, he plays golf in his head several times a day. Lo and behold, when he is finally freed and able to go out to the course and play an actual round of golf, he is absolutely shocked at how his game has improved simply from practicing on the greens in his mind.

So if it works for golf, gotta work for sex as well.

So what if we set aside neurosex and neurogymnastics and simply contemplate the question? What is the next best thing to having sex?

Now when one explores a question like this, it helps just to explore off the top of your head. Don’t think about it. Just go with whatever comes up, speaking of brainstorming, like a brainstorming session. So just start jotting down answers. Yes, answers, because if you try to come up with the right answer, as if there is only one, then you’ll get stuck, frozen, and you’ll just sit there thinking. Nothing will come. So just start writing. Make a list.

I’m going to make my list right now.

The first thing that comes to my alleged mind is a shot of the finest single malt scotch!

Then I think about an exquisite massage with warm oil. I can already feel those hands moving up and down my back and feel the tingling sensations running throughout my body and within seconds, I’m drifting off and floating into the neuroclouds (not a new word either!). Darn!

Oh, Oh, Oh, how about a piece of the finest dark chocolate in hand with a glass of robust red wine, alternately nibbling on the chocolate and sipping on the wine.

How about a piece of the finest New York Cheesecake? Yummy. Hey, I never said BETTER THAN! And this is brainstorming, remember?

Oh how I long for a hike up the Vivian Creek Trail on a cool morning to revisit my favorite trees, and pick up on some new rocks, and enjoy laying on my back watching clouds actually appear from out of nowhere.

Sitting in our hot tub late at night, either alone or with my sweetie pie isn’t too shabby either.

Fireplaces are always "best things" on any list. Especially when it’s cold and snowy outside. Hot chocolate on Christmas Eve when you’re hanging out waiting for Santa to show up.

A very flaky Napoleon with espresso. M-m-m. Angel Hair tossed in olive oil and garlic and fresh tomatoes.

M-m-m. Smelling my sweetie pie’s hair. When I was in 8th grade, it was the hair of that cute girl who sat in front of me.

Running a 10K and coming in 269th out of 900! Pretty cool! I passed a lot of folks. Quite exhilarating. With all those endorphins going, it’s getting there, it’s definitely in line!

How about a tuna salad sandwich with chopped onions and diced tomatoes mixed into the tuna salad? And on some kind of multi grain bread. A great treat in the old days if you were Catholic and had to abstain—from meat on Fridays!!

So what is on your list? Share with us in the comments.

THANKS FOR SHARING AND THANKS FOR READING.

What does Amazon have for the next best thing

Comments

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    • vrbmft profile imageAUTHOR

      Vernon Bradley 

      7 years ago from Yucaipa, California

      M-m-m-m, YES, as delightful as chocolate, that scent! I'm glad you like this "old" hub. It continues to get a lot of attention almost daily. Hope all is well with you. I think you have a new hub I haven't read yet. Looking forward to it.

    • profile image

      Justsilvie 

      7 years ago

      Really enjoyed this.

      The next best thing to sex for me is the

      cuddling,snuggling, the scent of the person you are doing this with and maybe just falling into a peaceful sleep togther as a result.

    • vrbmft profile imageAUTHOR

      Vernon Bradley 

      7 years ago from Yucaipa, California

      Hey, Rookie

      Thanks for visiting an "old" hub. I still remember the fun in writing this. Good luck. Just hub away, it's a blast. It is close to having sex, sometimes!!! It's pretty climatic when you publish a great hub!!

      Vern

    • profile image

      Rookie70 

      7 years ago

      Very inspiring,thanks. You gave me some ideas for my next hub.

    • vrbmft profile imageAUTHOR

      Vernon Bradley 

      8 years ago from Yucaipa, California

      Hey guys, thanks so much for reading one of my favorite hubs and thanks for the comments. It's been awhile since I had a gimlet, but I remember the Rose's lime water quite fondly and the cigar to go with! I guess the next best thing to smoking a good cigar is remembering one or two or more! And Epigramman, I'm touched that number four on your list is getting back to one of my hubs!! Reading and responding to your comments brings back flashes of that wonderful movie, Chocolat! Thanks again for reading and have a mindfully sexy week.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 

      8 years ago

      the next best thing to having sex:

      1. eating

      2. breathing

      3. going to the bathroom

      4. and then getting back to one of your hubs!

    • Jim Bryan profile image

      Jim Bryan 

      8 years ago from Austin, TX

      Neurosex with a Neurogymnast...Ah how the mind wanders.

      But on to things that come near sex in sheer enjoyment:

      Steamed Stone Crab, Crawfish, and Shrimp, spiced and served with melted butter, new potatoes and corn on the cob.

      Fillet mignon and a fresh baked potato.

      Bacon-wrapped shrimp skewed over a pecan-and-oak fire served with a long-grain rice.

      Reading a truly great book, one that you wake up with next to you.

      Gimlets made with Rose's lime juice and Hendrick's Gin over ice with good cigar.

    • vrbmft profile imageAUTHOR

      Vernon Bradley 

      8 years ago from Yucaipa, California

      Thanks for reading NGRIA.

    • NGRIA Bassett profile image

      NGRIA Bassett 

      8 years ago from Bermuda

      Nice read. Thanks Vrbmft.

    • vrbmft profile imageAUTHOR

      Vernon Bradley 

      8 years ago from Yucaipa, California

      Hey, I am so glad you enjoyed the hub. Sex, cognac, Single Malt Scotch, chocolate, all pretty close in the running! These comments should get us placed on some chauvinistic list. I like all the puns! And now that it is Christmas, do you know the sexiest Christmas Carol? "O Come All Ye Faithful!" Not too blashpemous!

    • palmerlarryray profile image

      Larry Ray Palmer 

      8 years ago from Macon, Missouri

      100 year old Courvoisier Cognac in a warmed snifter glass and a cigar to go with it. Always a good combination. Not sure if it's better than sex but it's got to be close. And if its not close enough, have another couple glasses of the cognac and you will forget what sex is...lol

      Great post. Keep it up. (lol... no pun intended there but, man, it worked itself in)

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