Wacky Advice For Your Perfectly Wacky Predicaments: Of Wormholes, Lovers, Thermoses, and Megan Fox

Welcome to another week of Wacky Advice. You guys know the drill by now, so let’s jump right in!

Logic,commonsense asks:  How does one find a wormhole? What do you do if there is a worm in it blocking the way to the other side?

Mega1 answers:  I have to defer this answer to GlassSpider, she’s the science expert.  Obviously, I don’t know beans about wormholes because I was thinking that the worm was already gone and that’s how you know it’s a wormhole - because there is this big empty tube in space where the worm used to be.  No one ever finds the space worms.  But, see, I just made that up because I haven’t done any research on it, nor do I intend to, since worms give me the creeps.  Even dayglo, jewelescent, vivid, space worms!  It has something to do with how they wiggle.

Yuck.

TheGlassSpider answers: Wormholes were created by the amazing and beautiful Space Worm. Unfortunately, these glorious creatures are now considered by the experts to be extinct. The only evidence of their passage through the universe are the many wormholes they created to traverse the cosmos. Should you, however, be fortunate enough to find one, do not panic. Space Worms are not carnivorous or dangerous, merely large. Simply touching the rear end of the Space Worm will make it wriggle out of the hole so that you may pass. If you have the proper materials, you may consider capturing the beast; although they are fabulous in their natural habitat, if we can find enough, perhaps we can begin a re-population movement!

LeanMan asks: I think I am going to have a virtual affair on HP, I am being tempted by a few little cuties (you know who you are!) who continually flirt with me and make "suggestions", should I have the affair and who should I have it with??

Mega1 answers: I know what you’re thinking and I am flattered. I am trying to figure out how to have an online affair with you and when I know what to do I will definitely do it! So the answer is YES have the affair, with me, of course! And with others too, if you want. That’s the nice thing about cyber-love - it can be carried on simultaneously with multiple partners and everyone is satisfied. I don’t indulge in cyber-jealousy! In fact, maybe you’ll learn something from those other partners. Cyber-love and sex has so much going for it! No diseases, no jealousy, everyone is always ready, and it doesn’t matter if you’ve brushed your teeth lately! (A moment for “Let’s Get It On”)

TheGlassSpider answers: WOW! For the first time in Wacky Advice history, my answer and Mega’s are EXACTLY THE SAME…well, I mean, I think you should have the affair with ME, Leanman (you know I’ve got a massage parlour, right?) but I’m not into cyber-jealousy either. In fact, Mega and I agree that a cyber-menage-a-trois would be just the ticket - and we might even make HubPages History! Ooh la la! We’re going to end up creating quite the scandal! I love it.

Seanorjohn asks: How does a thermos flask know whether it should keep things hot or cold.

Mega1 answers: Thermos flasks are “thermal” - insulated from outside so that whatever temperature the liquid inside is when it is poured in, that’s how its gonna stay for awhile. Obviously the flask doesn’t need to know beans! Remember folks, “wacky” question does not mean “dumb” question! This question qualifies for a big DUH!

TheGlassSpider answers: Everything, alive or dead, has an intelligence – a sort of spirit – of its own. That’s how the thermos knows to do what it does; its brand of “intelligence” lives within the nature of its physical manifestation! Think about THAT the next time you drink your coffee.

Logic,commonsense asks: Are there only 50 ways to leave your lover and if so what are they?

Mega1 answers answers:  No.  There is only one way to leave your lover - in the middle of the night with his/her bankbook, credit cards and car!  Also, be sure to leave behind dirty dishes in the sink, the drooling, shedding, aging cat your mother dropped off as a gift for you (with its medicine to be taken 3 times a day), your old bicycle with the flat tires, and your Uncle Floyd who has been sleeping on the couch for the last three months.  You may also leave all the dirty laundry and the empty Ipad cover (since you just bought a new one on the credit card).  You aren’t going to need these old things of yours in your island paradise hideaway and your lover may need them to remind him/her of you so he/she won’t feel so bad once you’ve cleaned out the bank account and maxed out his/her credit cards.  At least, I can’t come up with any other ways to leave a lover!

TheGlassSpider answers: You don’t leave lovers, you get rid of them! How many times am I going to have to tell you humans that once males have mated, it’s time to eat them? Problem solved, one way out, permanently. You know, the praying mantises of the world starting taking this advice millennia ago.

Stevennix2001 asks: since Michael Bay is recasting Megan Fox's part in the new Transformers movie. I would like to ask who do you think needs whom more? Do you think Megan Fox needs that movie more than they need her? Or do you think they're making a huge mistake letting her go?

Mega1 answers: Well! This gives me the opportunity to share with you my acting skills! Yes! I am available and it would be the perfect part for me! I think I would look hot in whatever car they decide I should wear AND when needed, I can speak convincingly! I also would not DARE put down the director. In fact, if I am hired for this part I will do WHATEVER the director requires with a smile on my face! OR not, if the action does not require the smile. In fact, I am going to the gym today to start my running, jumping, climbing training so I’ll be ready! So the answer is NO, that movie doesn’t need her!

TheGlassSpider answers: Even though I am a lowly spider, even I have heard of the Transformers movies…but I have not heard of a Megan Fox (what kind of animal is that?). This leads me to believe that the Transformers movies do not need it, whatever it is. Certainly Mega could do a much better job at doing whatever the Fox was doing…and she’s obviously excited about the opportunity; I think they should hire Mega!

SandySpider asks: How does braided nipple hair look underneath your shirt?

Mega1 answers: It would depend on how much of that nipple hair you actually have. And how long it is. I think it would look sort of lumpy, like you had yourself wired to listen in on someone and could get you into trouble especially if you happen to be around the mafia. But maybe not. Sorry, I have to waffle on this question. (mmmmmmmm, waffles!)

GlassSpider answers: Well, as Mega says, it depends on how much nipple hair you have. The nipple braids of someone with only a little hair would hardly be noticeable under a shirt, but someone with SERIOUS hair - well, I think it would look a little like they had small snakes or worms dangling from their torso. Given what I know about human desire, I should think they would consider it a bit nasty-looking. This does, however, remind me of a woman I knew once who braided her, um…*cough*, hair down below. It was very long and poked out of shorts and short skirts. I’ve never seen any else do it, but she certainly got reactions out of people!

You’re probably thinking, “I could come up with better wacky questions than those!”  So, why haven’t you?  Your wacky questions are welcomed here in the comments or in the forum thread “Wacky Advice from Us”.

As always, remember: Any wacky advice you receive from Glass Spider and/or Mega 1 can be utilized free of charge. This is a free service to the public and especially Hubbers who live in their own fantasy world where it is necessary to ask for advice at least once every day. No claims are made by the wacky advice experts for success in the solution of any problem you have, real or imagined. The perpetrators of this advice cannot be held responsible for any failure or accidental death or dismemberment which may occur as a result of following their directions. In other words, ask questions and receive advice at your own risk. If you don't think these wacky questions and advice are, useful, or accurate, or even funny don't blame us, we're barely grown up, let alone responsible for anything we say or write.