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What's on TV Tonight?

Updated on May 21, 2011

Must See TV?

Schedule: 9PM on Fox
Episode: What's left to Cure?
Synopsis: Having already used every diagnosis with more than 2 letters, the medical team becomes bored and starts making stuff up. House is mean to somebody. House's doctors debate whether House is really a jerk or just unaware of how he comes across.

CSI Las Vegas
Schedule: 9PM on NBC, 10 PM on Spike, 11 PM on MSNBC, 12PM on Weather Channel
Episode: There's a Dead Guy in My Soup
Synopsis: The population of murder victims in Las Vegas exceeds the number of tourists.

Andy Griffith
Schedule: Every half hour on TV Land, around the clock.
Episode: Humble Small Town Sheriff, part 42
Synopsis: Andy wins the Nobel Peace Prize for convincing Ernest T. Bass to stop throwing rocks at Floyd's Barber Shop.

That's so Raven
Schedule: 11 AM on The DisneyChannel.
Episode: Long Lost Lucy
Synopsis: When Raven learns she is a distant relative of Lucy McGillicutty Riccardo, her life suddenly begins to make sense. The entire Baxter family faces a crisis as the $5 million balloon payment on their San Francisco row house comes due.

Jon and Kate Plus 8
Schedule: Every hour on TLC, except when an infomercial pays better.
Episode: Same as it ever was
Synopsis: Darling children with no worries drink from sippy cups, play in the back yard, say cute things, and tussle with each other. Jon and Kate argue about spending their millions.

ESPN Sports Center
Schedule: Every morning, replayed as long as soap operas are playing on other channels.
Episode: #897938793247
Synopsis: Highlights from North American mainstream sports to the exclusion of the remainder of the world. Ostensibly impromptu banter between studio hosts. Sports experts banter with other sports experts. Sports experts banter with studio hosts.

60 Minutes
Schedule: 6PM on Sunday unless golf runs long
Episode: It's a good thing you tuned in: Somebody is doing Something Bad.
Synopsis: In-depth reporting on world events by talking heads who witnessed the Civil War. Segment 1; A third-world country is being oppressed / polluted and 60 Minutes is there to exploit it. Segment 2; A hoity-toity uber-talented artiste is profiled. Segment 3; A Dot-Com millionaire turned embezzler turned preacher turned research chemist is exposed. Segment 4; Andy Rooney discusses his collection of hospital ID bracelets.

Schedule: 9PM on The Discovery Channel
Episode: It's All Good
Synopsis: The Mythbusters team uses chemistry, science, and physics to debunk the popular misconception that Tom Cruise has talent. Next, the expendable half of the team hides behind a blast shield as common household items explode way far out in the desert. Finally, the half of the team with majority ownership in the company sips iced tea and debunks the myth that large amounts of cash can be sheltered in offshore savings accounts.

Ace of Cakes
Schedule: 9PM on The Food Channel
Episode: That's Pretty Much Made of Cake, right?
Synopsis: Baltimore's cake wizards construct strange and wonderful contraptions from mostly edible parts. Mobsters order a life-sized hollow cake in the shape of an adult male. Fragile deserts are driven across town in the back of a minivan; bakers are astounded when they fall apart en route. A mechanical engineer is hired to design structurally sound torts.

Movie of the Hour
Schedule: 9PM on TheLifetime Movie Network
Episode: Men are Icky
Synopsis: Innocent harmless women with altruistic aspirations are teased redundantly by selfish horrible men who grimace a lot and tell lies.

All Time Horrible Ideas for SitComs

I'd rather listen to the radio

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