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Zombie Warfare Preparation: Don't Trust the CDC

Updated on November 14, 2012
Zombies that used to believe there wasn't an outbreak
Zombies that used to believe there wasn't an outbreak | Source

by Christopher Peruzzi

Here’s one of those little contradictions in life.

When a society faces a contagion which is, in essence, “beyond belief”, the first thing we do as human beings is try to get more data and make a decision. This is natural behavior and part of the human condition.

Don’t believe me? Watch yourself when you hear about a celebrity death. Eddie Izzard illustrated this in the middle of one of his concerts when he told the audience that Engelbert Humperdinck had just died. And right after he said that he said that he was just kidding. Then he gave the audience a look to say that he was really serious and followed with a statement that it just happened before he went on stage – followed by the “I’m joking.” – followed by the serious face again.

By the end of the joke, people really wanted to know if Engelbert Humperdinck was really alive or dead.

We like to know what’s going on.

One of these “beyond belief” circumstances is news of a zombie outbreak. You know we’ll all hear about it. It will travel through the internet, message boards, and facebook faster than a wild fire. Everyone will react differently. There will be the typical, “No way” to “Well, I don’t know…”

In any event, the one avenue of information that you won’t be able to trust at all is the CDC, The Center for Disease Control. Whether there is an outbreak or not, the CDC will say that there isn’t. If in reality there is, they’ll deny it because they will either 1) not want to cause a panic or 2) be under orders by the government to deny this until the proper authorities can figure out what to do.

Unfortunately, by that time, the outbreak has spread to a point where verifying whether or not the CDC is truthful will be pointless. You’ll be in the middle of a situation where you’ll be happy to have guns, ammo, supplies, and a proper fortification against the undead.

So, if you are one of those people who are waiting for the government to give you a green light to take drastic measures, congratulations, you are a prime candidate for membership in a zombie horde. You’ll be the guy who says, “Oh yeah, that maniac bit me and wanted to chew my face off, but other than this fever and bit of stiffness, I feel fine.” Eventually, your disembodied spirit may need to find a way to forgive your dearest friends and relatives for shooting your animated corpse in the head.

The CDC is not a good indicator of a zombie apocalypse. They are more of a “day 2” consideration. After the outbreak, when the dead are wandering the streets, you may want to head to their bunker and find out where they are in creating a cure or find out what common household chemicals will destroy these abominations.

Zombie Poll

Would you trust the government during a zombie outbreak?

See results

The Rash of Face Eating Cannibals

Call me crazy, but eating someone’s face is not a normal act. These people were not on a crashed plane full of soccer players – they were two homeless guys who apparently had run out of beef jerky. And what do you do when you can’t “snap into a Slim Jim™”? The homeless guy from Miami thought “eat a guy’s face.”

Sure, you can think cannibalism or you can get prepared and see that this is turning into a trend. In all of these cases, they start small. You hear something on the outliers. And something mind-blowing insane happens and the CDC announced that there is NOT a zombie outbreak. Oh those crazy homeless people.

Translation: There’s a zombie outbreak. We’ve got nothing. Don’t panic. We’ll figure out something… eventually.

Now, if this were an isolated incident in Miami, I’d think parasites are eating this guy’s brain and he went crazy. However, this was not the first case. There were other cases reported around the country. I heard everything from LSD to bath salts.

Bath salts.

Now, you can either buy what the media is saying or make plans. I’m just saying…

Final Words

It takes strength of character to go against the grain. The grain in this case is the media.

Some people believe everything they see and hear on TV. A newscaster says something and it has to be true. You see something on a TV show and then you watch a commercial and buy their product. The TV producers also have infected your mind with new entertainment on both the right and the left.

They also told you to watch Snookie and that the show, The Jersey Shore, was a good idea.

Now, they’re telling you that normal people, albeit homeless, are turning into face eating cannibals because of LSD or bath salts. Then the CDC in an effort to make “a joke” has told the world that this ISN’T a ZOMBIE OUTBREAK.

Now, as preposterous as this seems at the moment about a zombie outbreak being real, there is nothing to lose by stocking up on bottled water, dehydrated food, ammo, and sharp (but deadly) garden implements.

You never know.


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