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Funny stories about lawyers and attorneys

Updated on January 10, 2011
Photo by Morrhigan @ www.sxc.hu
Photo by Morrhigan @ www.sxc.hu

After my first funny stories hub which was about politicians I had to write another one but this time about lawyers (I just hope Stephhicks won´t be mad with me after this one LOL).

I guess it is just like politicians, everybody say bad things about them but in the end we love them because they inspire us to write funny stories or jokes.

And among many rotten "fruits" there are always good ones and they deserve our respect.

So if you ever encountered a bad lawyer now it is time to read the next stories like he was the protagonist in them.

Funny Lawyer definition

Lawyer:

is the person that saves your properties from your enemies and keep them all to himself.

Photo by funride - licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License
Photo by funride - licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License

Should I stop!?

A Policeman asks a driver to pull over:

- "Good afternoon Mr. driver. Documents please."

Lawyer - "But why Mr. Policeman?"

Policeman - "You didn´t stop in the STOP sign."

Lawyer - "I have slowdown and no one was coming..."

Policeman - "Right. Documents please."

Lawyer - "But what is the difference between slowdown and have to stop?"

Policeman - "The difference is that the law says that a STOP sign means the car must stop completely. Documents please."

Lawyer - "Listen, I propose you the following: if you could explain me the legal difference between slowdown and stop I´ll give you the documents and you can fine me. Otherwise you will let me go without a fine."

Policeman - "Well, I accept. Can you please get out of the car?"

The lawyer agreed and got out from the car. The Policeman started to beat violently the lawyer with his stick. After a while he asks:

- "Do you want me to STOP or maybe you prefer I just SLOWDOWN?"

Photo by creationc @ www.sxc.hu
Photo by creationc @ www.sxc.hu

More funny stories about lawyers

All the Truth and nothing but the truth

In a small village court the lawyer for the prosecution called his first witness. A very old lady and grandmother stood in place and the lawyer began to ask:

- "Mrs. White do you know me?"

She answered:

- "Of course, I know you. I know you since you were a little boy and frankly you have undeceive me. You have always been blatantly, you cheated on your wife, manipulate people and badly discourse them when they leave. You think you're a great personality when you do not even have enough intelligence to avoid being scanned. Of course I know you."

The lawyer was white not knowing what to do. After thinking for a while he pointed to the other end of the room and asked:

- "Mrs. White do you know the defense attorney?"

The old lady responds rigth away:

- "Absolutely. I also know him since his childhood. He is a looser, has problems with drink and can not have a normal relationship with anyone, and as a lawyer... He is the worst one I have seen in my entire life. I also want to mention that he fools his wife with three different women, one of which, curiously, is your wife. Yes, I know him too. Absolutely."

The defender was in shock. The judge then asked both the lawyers to get closer to the bench and with a very weak voice he said to them:

- "If any of you two happen to ask the old goat if she knows me, I swear I´ll put you both in jail!"

================================================================

I will appreciate your comments and suggestions for my next funny hubs ;)

Oh, and if you enjoyed this one please do not forget to rate it, thanks.

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    • raguett profile image

      raguett 8 years ago

      good stuff...as usual

    • stephhicks68 profile image

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      LOL - As soon as I saw the title of your Hub, I had to come check it out! I love your lawyer definition. I have not seen that one before. And just maybe I will not sue you for defamation. HA. How about one more joke?

      Q: Have you heard about the lawyer's word processor?A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      raguett - Thanks for commenting ;)

      Stephhicks - LOL, thanks for enriching this hub. I´m so glad you enjoyed it. I was scared to death about being sued by you but now after your comment I´m safe. If someother lawyer wish to sue me I´ll contact you to defend me :D

    • stephhicks68 profile image

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      I'm quite expensive. But I could see about a special Hub deal for you... :-)

    • In The Doghouse profile image

      In The Doghouse 8 years ago from California

      Funride,

      Another funny one! Thank goodness Lawyers have thick skin! lol

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 8 years ago from France

      Thumbs up like always!

    • fishskinfreak2008 profile image

      fishskinfreak2008 8 years ago from Fremont CA

      Interesting perspective

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 8 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Good jokes and also enjoyedStephhicks fine print joke. Maybe I oughta send this hub to my sister so she can pass it on to her lawyer. Hope he has a sense of humor. LOL!

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      Oh Steph no worries, this hub will pay your expensiveness in no time :D

      Thank you all for commenting ;)

    • John Chancellor profile image

      John Chancellor 8 years ago from Tennessee

      I loved the judge's reaction. Good stories.

    • profile image

      Shadi 8 years ago

      NICE ARTICLE

    • compu-smart profile image

      compu-smart 8 years ago from London UK

      Would a "funny stories about Hubbers" be any usefull?

      Im sure you could fill a hub with this..(no offence fellow hubbers) lol

    • Zsuzsy Bee profile image

      Zsuzsy Bee 8 years ago from Ontario/Canada

      Funride! Fun hub. I always enjoy the funny ones the best.

      regards Zsuzsy

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 8 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      You are a character Funride :o) Is nice to see some happy carefree hubs like this. Laughter is a must these days , or so it seems. Can't wait to see what is Next? G-Ma :o)hugs

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      John - EHEH, I guess he also had something to hide :D

      Compu-smart - "Funny stories about Hubbers"!? Hummm, I think that would be a lot of fun! I´m going to start working on that one ;)

      Zsuzsy - Thanks, I´m glad you enjoyed them :)

      G-Ma - Thank you my dear, these days it´s easy to cry about almost everything *rolleyes* so lets do something that make us smile. I also believe that laughing it´s the best medicament for almost every disease. Giant hugs :-}

    • SweetiePie profile image

      SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA

      My aunt is a lawyer and she used to tell jokes like these. Very cute hub.

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      This made me laugh. Why should the lawyers be offended funride? Sometimes we just need to look at the funny side of ourselves. Aha! How about funny stories about dentists? teachers? cooks? :)

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      SweetiePie - Thanks, I bet your aunt is a great Woman - Like ripplemaker said: laughing about ourselves it´s a great quality!

      Michelle - I´m glad you like it ;). Thank you for your suggestions, now I´ll have to work hard and make all those new hubs :)

    • moifah profile image

      moifah 8 years ago from United States

      lol, this is a great hub, I love these types of jokes.

    • Tater2tot profile image

      Tater2tot 8 years ago from ~~~

      Haha hilarious. I also love these types of jokes. The stop one is classic, that's what you get when you argue with a police officer. Great hub Fun Ride. Tayler!

    • cflynn profile image

      cflynn 8 years ago from Ireland

      great fun hub, thanks for the laughs

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      Thank you all for such kind comments. They make me want to start writing new hubs just to read more nice comments ;)

    • michaelk profile image

      michaelk 8 years ago

      These are good - funny and sometimes true :o) I'm an attorney too, so I can poke fun. Here's one...

      Little Red Riding Hood, Humpty Dumpty, an old drunk, and an honest attorney were walking down the street. They each spot a $100 bill on the sidewalk. Who gets the money?

      Answer: The old drunk, of course. The other three individuals only exist in fairy tales :o)

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      LOL, thanks Michaelk ;). I´m so glad you had fun with it and I hope to get your professional help if someone tries to sue me :D.

    • Bueller's Way profile image

      Bueller's Way 8 years ago from Massachussetts

      Bringing the personality to the hubpages as always bro. Keep the jokes coming, we love em!

    • cgull8m profile image

      cgull8m 8 years ago from North Carolina

      Hilarious joke "Stop or Slowdown" that will do the trick. Not many times you see a police win over a lawyer. Glad Stephicks is not suing you :)

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      Bueller´s Way, thanks for the nice compliment ;)

      Cgull8m, lol but I´m still waiting dauntless for that sue :D

    • kevinlt9 profile image

      kevinlt9 8 years ago from Gwynn Oak,Maryland

      That's funny stuff,I like the one lawyers save your properties from your enemies and keeps them for himself,I always wondered why so many lawyers were in the real estate business.

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      Thanks for commenting Kevin. Now you know why :D

    • anime_nanet profile image

      anime_nanet 8 years ago from Portugal

      Eheh piadas porreiras (nice jokes!)

      Keep up the good work!

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      Thanks anime_nanet, I´m glad you like them.

    • profile image

      allan 8 years ago

      ha haa haa aaahaaa ahaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaahaa nyc 1 man ur funny u made me laugh 4 almost 20 min without realizing that im in a internet cafe

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      Wow, I´m so glad you had a fun "ride" reading those stories. I appreciate your comment very much, thanks.

    • Bruce Elkin profile image

      Bruce Elkin 8 years ago from Victoria, BC Canada

      Lots of fun, great stories. Thanks! Now I'm off to try some Portuguese recipes!

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      Hi Bruce, thanks for passing by. Hope you´ll have as much fun cooking and eating as you had reading those stories ;-)

      BTW, Happy New Year!

    • profile image

      clarky 6 years ago

      I remembered my law school days.... thanks Sir for coming up with this hub...

    • funride profile image
      Author

      Ricardo Nunes 6 years ago from Portugal

      Hey Clarky, I´m glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for commenting :)

    • profile image

      ROOPAK GAUR 6 years ago

      THAT,S HUB IS SO FUNNY I LIKE THIS TYPE OF THE HUB I LIKE SO I M ALSO INTERSETED IN TO JOIN THE HUNB OF THE

      I LOVE INDIA AND DELHI

    • profile image

      ROOPAK GAUR 6 years ago

      I LIKE MAKE THE FRIEND ALL TYPES

      I INVITE TO THOSE ARE INTERESTED TO CONTACTME

      I LIKE INDIA AND DELHI

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