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iPhone 7 images and specification revealed!

Updated on March 13, 2013

Please note that this is supposed to be a comedy related Hub and in no way is it a fact. Mind you, knowing Apple they could implement some of these suggestions in which case I'm claiming copyright on it just now ;)

The new iPhone 7 will be here shortly, so just what exactly will be included in this latest model? Luckily, I've managed to get my hands on some as yet unreleased spec sheets for the device. Let's have a look at them:

  1. It'll have 4 cameras in it so that you can take 3D photos on it either using the front or back. Sadly, you'll need to buy glasses when viewing said 3D content, so you'll look like a spanner walking down the street.
  2. It'll have a much more advanced GPS chip in it. This serves for two purposes. The first will allow you to call on the Apple fanboys by launching the Apple logo into the sky (think of Batman) whenever you hear someone slag off the iPhone. The resulting fanboys will badger the complainer constantly on how an expensive piece of shit really is worth it. However, this GPS unit also used to instil fear into users that dare slag off the iPhone. If it detects that you personal are moaning about it, it'll launch the fanboy alert without your consent, again leading to them badgering you about it.
  3. It'll come in a variety of different colours. These range from white (the base model) all up to being covered in gold paint (the most expensive variety). The colour of the paint reflects on the signal quality, just like the time they had to release a condom to cover the phone when people touching it without one resulted in signal failure.
  4. The iPhone 7 will include a slightly better camera than the iPhone 6S. This camera will be able to capture photos upto 16MP, but there won't be a flash on this model.
  5. The lack of a flash on the camera can be rectified by buying an official iPhone 7 flash attachment.
  6. iPhone 7 will have another new dock connector type. This has been changed again from the iPhone 6, which was changed from the iPhone 5 and the iPhone 4 before it.
  7. iPhone 7 contains a 2GHz A6 processor and a slightly faster GPU. However, to make space for the larger chipsets, the battery has been shrunk in size.
  8. The battery will be in the 300mAh variety. Whilst this will mean that you need to be plugged into the wall practically all day, Apple have found a solution to this problem.
  9. The official Apple battery pack will be released on launch day. It'll slot into a secondary, hidden connector that will give you an additional 2 hours of battery life. You can however buy multiple battery packs to swap around at will.
  10. No SD slot will be included, as per Apple protocol that the onboard memory is more than enough.
  11. The device will have at least 64Gb of storage.
  12. The device will be 5G, although please note that the higher speed of the internet will require the greatest level of signal quality. Please refer to statement 3 to ensure you can make the most of this feature.
  13. iPhone 7 will not contain an iPod, however, please rest assured that you can download our special app (price to be confirmed) that will restore iPod functionality.
  14. There will be an additional accelerometer that will make your games slightly better.
  15. A third hidden slot will allow you to connect Apple's gamepad (price to be confirmed) that will give greater control in your games.
  16. As per every other iPhone, iPhone 7 will have a touchscreen. However, iPhone 7 uses a new security feature to ensure it is only you that can unlock the phone.
  17. The new security feature requires you to lick the touchscreen with one eye closed to unlock the phone.
  18. The screen on iPhone 7 will be the same size as iPhone 6, however the resolution will be 1920x1080. This will significantly reduce battery life. However, this can be rectified by employing the fix in statement 8.
  19. iPhone 7 will use the latest SIM card standard; 'minute sim'. This is the smallest SIM card to date, although once installed in the phone, it can't be removed.
  20. iPhone 7 will be the most advanced iPhone to date, until we release iPhone 7s.

iphone 7 image 1
iphone 7 image 1
iphone 7 image 2
iphone 7 image 2
iphone 7 image 3
iphone 7 image 3

If you've made it all the way down here, then thank you. If you've enjoyed reading it, voting it up and sharing it on your favourite social networking sites would be much appreciated. If you're an Apple fan boy and this article has upset you, well, tough titties.


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