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Updated on February 17, 2012

Abandonment Explained

Abandonment is the abdication of interests and claims over one's offspring with the intent of never again resuming or reasserting them. These includes: physical/biological, emotional, intellectual, moral/spiritual aspects of the child. When we neglect the children’s needs is the initial step of abandonment because there is no one to provide for the child’s needs, there’s no one to mirror in order to affirm the worth and values as a person.

Parents abandon the children in the following ways:

1. By actually physically leaving them.

2. By not mirroring their own emotions for their children.

3. By not being there to affirm their children’s expressions of emotion.

4. By not providing for their children’s basic needs.

5. By physically, sexually, emotionally, and spiritually abusing them.

6. By using children to take care of their own unmet dependency needs.

7. By using children to take care of their marriages.

8. By hiding and denying shame secrets to the outside world so that the children have to protect these covert issues in order to keep the family balance.

9. By not giving them their time, attention and direction.

10. By acting shameless.

In abandonment the order is reversed instead of the parents taking care of the children, children have to take care of the parents. The self – worth of the child is destroyed by abandonment, the child is alienated. Thus, the child forms a false mask in order to hide the pain and the isolation the child felt. This child grows into adulthood but since ones needs are not met, ones growth is hampered and the child is trapped within.

These are the symptoms of Abandonment:

1. Powerlessness: Core Self is Shame – Based – experience is painful because the adult child thinks there is something wrong.

2. Otheration: self – worth comes from other people’s approval.

3. Powerlessness: Delusion, Denial, Defenses – the adult child pretends there’s nothing wrong.

4. Extremes: the adult child thinks all or nothing.

5. Powerlessness: Primary, Progressive, Pervasive – Violating one’s core values

6. Emotional Constraint: the adult child is unable how to express the right emotion.

7. Powerlessness: Noetic Disorders – the adult child always looks for something to solve.

8. Disabled Will: the adult child wants to control things even if it can’t be controlled.

9. Powerlessness: Enmeshed Boundaries – the adult child is not really certain about ones true feelings.

10. Narcissistic Deprivation: the adult child is driven to acquire things which one lacks as a child.

11. Communication Problems: the adult child doesn’t know how to respond appropriately.

12. Emptiness: the adult child doesn’t know ones worth as a person.

Note: In order to understand: Parenting our Inner Child, a hub I wrote prior to this; I elaborate the concept about Abandonment.


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    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      Hello DF...thank you, this is part of my ongoing study regarding personality development...have a great day!!!

    • DFiduccia profile image


      6 years ago from Las Vegas

      You did a fine job writing about an important topic.


    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      This is a way of saying thank you for the awakening I have ahorseback...and I want to share it too...thank you for the support as always...

      Have a great day!!!

    • ahorseback profile image


      6 years ago

      You have a great way of writing about how we should be far more introspective and way less self -centered! That shows a calm yet powerfully intriguing personality. You are a great writer!.....gets my vote every time......ED :-}

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      thanks travel man...i really want to extend my learning to other people so they may understand the reasons behind every person's misery...

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      yes, you're right there shimmering dawn...if they only knew the tremendous impact they have on their children so as not to spawn delinquent individuals...Have a great day too!!!Peace be with you too...

    • travel_man1971 profile image

      Ireno Alcala 

      6 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

      Great hub, kabayan. Lessons are not only learned in the four corners of the classrooms but also here on HubPages.

    • shimmering Dawn profile image

      shimmering Dawn 

      6 years ago

      Interesting but sad. I wish more people knew what they do when they make a selfish decision to abandon their children... I do hope more read this... Have a blessed day! Shalom!

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      thanks Caroline...have a great day!!!take care!!!

    • carolinemd21 profile image

      Caroline Marie 

      6 years ago

      GReat article Raciniwa!

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      thank you Minnetonka for the support...yes, it's sad to note that almost all of us suffer from abandonment one way or another...

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      6 years ago from Minnesota

      Great information raciniwa-Very sad article but something that many of us can relate to.

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      Guidance from above is what prods me to write this, to impart to the people how important it is to dig deeper to the root of sufferings...

      as for your fiction, i know there are some hint of truth in it...Literature mirrors society, you may write based from your imagination but still it reflects life...and i admire you for that too Frank...

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      6 years ago from Shelton

      You know Racinwa.. this is so a must read Hub.. truth be told.. it kind of tore my heart to pieces.. as you bullet down the reasons or the following ways.. children are left behind.. I envy you for having the strength to do these types of hubs.. I'll just stick to fiction... Frank

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      thank you caroline for visiting my hub today i appreciate it very much...

    • carolinemd21 profile image

      Caroline Marie 

      6 years ago

      Great useful hub Raciniwa!

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      thank you Eddy and Rosemay for being always here, taking the next step is the biggest challenge for all of us...and we are on the threshold of it...much love goes to you both...

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      thank you Denise, this is based on questions i often asked myself...WHY? the many whys when i was growing up was the reason i suffered countless pains, that's why i decided to share it to the world so they'll know too...

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 

      6 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Voting this one up raciniwa. An extremely important issue. You have written this with sensitivity. It is a message that needs to be read by everyone.

      Well done

    • Eiddwen profile image


      6 years ago from Wales

      A great hub raciniwa , you have covered every aspect with understanding and sensitivity.

      I vote this one up up and away without a doubt.

      Take care my dear friend.


    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 

      6 years ago from North Carolina

      Raciniwa-rated this one UP all the way. This is right on with information and symptomology. Very, very useful information. Thanks for a great piece for all to read.

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      always exploring...yeah, every parent should realize what could be the outcome of abandonment...especially when someone is growing up but the child within hasn't reached its full maturity...

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      thank you Realhousewife for giving such wonderful comment...

      thank you Seboritaa for spreading the the world will now how detrimental abandonment is...

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Educational article..Sad that parents can't see the damage they do to a child..The pictures told the story..Thank you for sharing...

    • Senoritaa profile image

      Rinita Sen 

      6 years ago

      Very interesting read. Well done raci. I hope the message is spread. Tweeting your hub.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 

      6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Excellent article and that photo at the bottom is an awesome visual! Great job!!

    • raciniwa profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      Thank you as always lord for being the wind behind my back, pushing me to move forward...

      yes, our lives were molded because of the maladaptive behaviors our parents showed to us thus passed on from generation to generation...i had an unhappy childhood lord, yet trying to show otherwise for showing weakness was not acceptable...

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 

      6 years ago from New York

      Excellent my friend. We as children felt the same at one point in our lives and we have been enduring our own character according to that. Is a very deep problem that parents face and sometimes, and most of the time...they don't pay attention to their kids. Thanks for taking your time in writing this article Raciniwa



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