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Adoption: My Son Finds His Birth Mother

Updated on July 12, 2012
My adoptive family and me!
My adoptive family and me! | Source
My son
My son | Source
A happy adopted child
A happy adopted child | Source

Obviously I have no concept of what it must feel like to give birth. Talking to mothers cannot begin to enlighten one regarding those feelings. How do you describe carrying a living being inside of you for nine months? Words are inadequate at best, for emotions like that were not meant to be captured by words.

Carrying a child and giving birth are love at its most basic form. It is the simplest form of humanness and the most complicated. It reaches far beyond the mere physical act for it is, in essence, a relinquishing of one’s self, a forfeiture of who you once were, and a forming of a bond that will last a lifetime.

The anxiety, the fear, and the physical pain leading up to birth are then replaced by anxiety, fear and emotional pain after birth. Still, there is happiness, the kind of which has never been known, and joy for a job well-done and a lifetime of memories still to live.

AND YET……

For some mothers, the birth of their child is the end of the road that they travel together. For whatever reason, some birth mothers choose to give up their child after birth and place that child into the adoption system. The reasons why that decision is made are too numerous to mention in this article. Whatever the reason, I have no doubt it is a painful process. How could it not be? The bond of which I spoke is so strong, that giving up a child must be akin to cutting off one’s limb and forfeiting a very real part of oneself.

I make no judgment about mothers who choose to do this; it would, in fact, be the ultimate in hypocrisy for me to do so, because you see, I was placed in the adoption system in 1948. My birth mother made a decision she believed to be the correct one, and because of her decision I was given a chance to be adopted by an incredibly loving pair of people, Dale and Evelyn Holland. My life has been a non-stop love fest in part because my birth mother made her decision.

THEN THE TORCH WAS PASSED ON

In turn, when I was thirty-six years of age, my wife and I adopted a child. On October 23, 1984 our son, Tyler, was born to a woman who had no choice at the time but to give him up for adoption.

It was a match made in heaven, my son and I, because I understood things about him that no one else but an adoptee could understand. I understood the hole that is left in an adopted child, always questioning, always wondering, always missing a link so basic….the “who am I” link. That questioning, that wondering, is as natural as breathing to an adopted child. Even though raised in a loving family, there is always something missing; there is always personal information about the core of that child that cannot be known.

It is, in a very real sense, an open sore that will not heal; a nagging itch that cannot be scratched, and it remains well into adulthood.

So it was for my son until two weeks ago. At that point, a miracle happened!

SETTING THE SCENE

My son and I have talked often about my adoption and his; it is only natural and healthy that we do so. Questions are inevitable and I have always tried to answer those questions truthfully, as my parents did for me. Who else could he ask? I was the one person who understood and the one person who had any sort of answers to questions about his birth mother.

What I knew of her was very little. I knew my son was born in Edmunds, Washington. I had met his birth mother once before the birth, and when my son was six months of age we had sent a picture of him to his birth mother upon her request. Other than that I really knew very little.

My son had shown signs the past few years of being interested in finding his birth mother, and I have no doubt that if the miracle had not happened he would have eventually made a full-court press to find her. However, the miracle did, indeed, happen.

For the past six months I have written a series of articles about adoption, and in several of them I have mentioned that my son was adopted and when he was adopted. Through the miracle of the internet, one of my articles was noticed by a young lady in Washington who had been helping her mother find her birth child, a child born on October 23, 1984.

THE MIRACLE

A couple weeks ago I received an email from that young lady, asking me where my son was born. I thought it a rather personal question from a stranger but I nonetheless answered truthfully. I then received another email, asking when he was born. Again I answered, and again and again as more questions were fired in my direction. Finally this young woman asked me if she could send me a photo of a child, a photo sent to her mother when the child was six-months old.

How was I feeling at that moment? I would be dishonest if I did not tell you I was feeling unsettled. I was not angry by any means, nor was I afraid. I was simply knocked off of my stride, as though the Earth had suddenly tilted and I hadn’t set my feet properly for balance.

The photo arrived and as soon as I saw that six-month old child I knew that life had suddenly taken a detour, that the road my son and I had been traveling on was no longer recognizable. I could turn around and see where we had come from, but once I gazed ahead I had no clear vision. The son I had sung to sleep….the son whose diapers I had changed….the son I had nurtured, praised, disciplined and loved for twenty-seven years, had found his birth mother.

THE STORY CONTINUES

I of course spoke to the birth mother on the phone and it was, to say the least, a tearful reunion. She was beyond elated for she had been looking for her son for years. She had, in fact, held a birthday party for him each year for twenty-seven years, a party attended by my son’s two sisters and other relatives he never knew.

I was in tears for the simple reason that I knew how important this was; I, better than anyone else, knew the impact this would have on my son, and I was overcome with happiness for him. I did not feel threatened at all; I knew my son loved me and that would never change. I was, and am, truly ecstatic for him.

Last week my son met his birth mother and two sisters for the first time. It was a joyous occasion, filled with tears, hugs, laughter and, I suspect, closure. A gaping hole in the hearts of my son and his birth mother had been repaired. Haunting questions and unfulfilled hopes had been laid to rest. It was a celebration of life and love, equal to any ever held, and this is one story that very definitely has a happy ending.

FINAL REFLECTIONS

Do I love my son? More than life itself! Am I happy for him? The word “happy” does not even begin to describe how I feel for him at this moment. You see, I have a very real appreciation for what this means for my son. I have a very real understanding of what has been missing in his life all these years. I am an adopted child and for sixty-three years I have had that hole in my heart as a constant companion.

Life, at times, does indeed come full circle! We go about our daily routines, busy with the business of living, and suddenly, out of nowhere, an incredible event rocks our very foundation. This was one of those moments for my son. As I write this I have tears in my eyes. They are tears of happiness for sure, and they are tears of longing. Perhaps my birth mother is dead. Perhaps she is still alive. Perhaps I should make the attempt to find out.

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

To read my other adoption articles, see the following:

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/A-Letter-To-My-Birth-Mother-Who-I-Never-Knew

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/The-Adoptee-Adopts-A-Child

To buy my book on adoption, or other books on Kindle, go to:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=William%20D.%20Holland

Is there an adopted child in your family?

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    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 5 years ago

      This was really really beautiful. I have to go get a tissue now. Best wishes to you and your family.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Glimmer! Just one of those miracles that come along every once in a while.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      How unbelievable the twists and turns of life! If you hadn't written on hub pages your son might not have found his birth mother. Not only is this an extraordinary story but you are an extraordinary man to be so understanding and supportive. I am happy for your son, he must be as they say "over the moon", but as you and I know, nothing will take the place of the love he has for his 'real parents' vs his 'birth mother'.

      Being a mother, as you pointed out in your video, is much, much more than giving birth. For anyone who has never adopted or never desired to do so, think about your dog or cat. Really, just for a minute. Do you love your animal? Are you attached to them? You certainly didn't give birth to them! Imagine how strong a bond and love you can form with a baby, whether you gave birth to him or not! That child is yours from the moment you hold him in your arms!!

      I truly feel your pain and longing...as you know, I think, I too am adopted. I too, had wonderful, loving, and amazing parents! I tried a little over the years to find my birth mother but never really exerted myself. After my mother died, I tried harder and used the Internet. I found my birth mother three months after she died so I guess it wasn't meant to be. I did get some information about her and some health history.

      My brother happened to be in the room when I was playing your video and he said, "man that guy is something. He could be a therapist. I could Skype someone like that and talk to him!"

      What more can I say?

      Voted up, useful, awesome (because your hubs always are) and interesting.

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 5 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      Thank you so much for sharing this touching story. It's one that shows the deep beauty of the human experience, beauty that doesn't go recognized often enough. It's interesting that the internet played the part it did...it brought your son's birth family to him rather than his having to search. I think "miracle" does sum it up. I join Glimmer in wishing you and your newly extended family all the best.

    • brenda12lynette profile image

      brenda12lynette 5 years ago from Utah

      That is simply beautiful. I worked for child welfare a couple years before going back to school. Adoption was hands down my favorite part of the job because it created beautiful new families.

      Thanks for sharing this story, billybuc!

    • cclitgirl profile image

      Cynthia Sageleaf 5 years ago from Western NC

      Wow. How moving. I can understand that hole, but in a different way. Because I was adopted within the family, my wonderings always included: why didn't she want me? or why couldn't she keep me? or why did she keep her next child? Now that I'm an adult, I understand much better. Every time I go back home, I see the pain that has become her (my real mom) life. She's also bipolar and the kiddo she did keep has lived happily and is doing well...enough. But there's always this weirdness. There's always this underlying current of unspoken angst at the past. I hold no ill feelings toward her. Indeed, I only wish she could let the pain go. It's been thirty years, though. I'm not sure if she ever really will. *sigh*

      The fact that your son found his birth mom will allow him to jump start into a process of healing and he'll be able to ask questions. I imagine some of the answers may be unsatisfactory; he may not even want to know some of those answers.

      My grandma sometimes tells me about how I have no idea all the factors and reasons for the decisions she made and the ones my real mom made when they all had to go to court. She said that I could find out with the court records. But you know what? I don't want to know. That's an unnecessary chapter of pain for me. All I can say is that we're all human, we make mistakes - some bigger than others - and we're all just trying to get to the next day, or the next moment, just doing the best we can.

      What an incredible journey your son is embarking upon and I wish him strength, courage, patience and most of all thoughts of happiness and peace. :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Brenda, you are welcome, and thank you for always being here.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Hey Cyndi! You are early this morning! Good to have you stop by as always! One thing you said....you don't want to know the whole story....that we are all just trying to get to the next day doing the best we can.....great words my friend....holding onto the past and the pain is worthless and I don't have time for it. Yes, there is a hole in me, but in time even that hole will close because I have Bev's love. All is good in my life.

      Thank you my dear friend and little Sis!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary my dear, thank you so much, and please, thank your brother for me as well. Therapist???? I might need one. LOL ....I don't know, Mary....we just do what we can....we stumble and get back up, and we move forward, making decisions that may or may not be good ones...but we are human. It's all part of the process.

      Thank you again; your friendship is important to me and I cherish your comment.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sherri, it is fascinating to me that because of HubPages my son found his birth mother. That pretty much puts writing into perspective.

      Thank you for your kind words.

    • profile image

      kelleyward 5 years ago

      Wow Bill this is amazing. HubPages is such a wonderful place. I'm so happy for you, your son, and his birth mother. You're right sometimes life goes full circle. Voted up and pinned! Kelley

    • vox vocis profile image

      Jasmine 5 years ago

      Oh, Billy, I had tears in my eyes while reading this beautiful hub, too! It's a miracle what happened and how things turned out to be for your family and your son's biological mother and her family. My mother was adopted, too and we've talked about her feelings about the whole situation numerous times. She met her biological mother who eventually died (I haven't met her) and three siblings who she contacts even today. However, her adoptive family is a gift from God, my true family, one of the rare spots of light in my life. My grandparents (those who adopted my mum) aren't alive anymore, but I remember them often and hope to see them again when my time comes to leave this world. This was really an emotional read for me. Blessings to your family!

    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Bill,

      Beautiful story and miraculous intervention! I almost cried reading this one, and am glad for your son! That is so awesome to hear! It is so cool that your writing on HubPages was the source of this! Great job here Bill, well done! I am so happy for you family right now! I am all smiles :)

    • ishwaryaa22 profile image

      Ishwaryaa Dhandapani 5 years ago from Chennai, India

      I am very happy for your son Tyler that he met his birth mother. Tyler is very much blessed to have a loving, caring and thoughtful dad - you! I hope you get to know your birth mother. Fate do have strange yet amazing ways of leading people to unexpected events in a lifetime. Thank you for sharing your touching story.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Kelley! You are such a genuinely caring person; I am very happy to read your words and cherish your support.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vox, I suspect it will be an emotional read for a lot of people. Thank you so much for your heartfelt words. This is a celebration that we can all feel good about. Thank you my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you nephew! It's a story we can all feel good about. Your warm wishes make me happy and I greatly appreciate your words of support.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ishwaryaa, thank you so much! I tried my best to give my son a loving home; my heart is filled with happiness for him right now.

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

      Bill. I'm there with you... finishing the last lines of that powerful story. There might not be faith in the world, but as human beings we have hope for each one of us. We never know what brings tomorrow. I should recommend you to start seeking your mom, as Tillsontitan did, and make a closure for your own health and spirituality. I'm so happy for your son. Mine was born on August 1985, and we practically have seen them grow...within our own hearts. Thanks billy for sharing this story. Not that I'm a man...but we need to cry at times. Thanks again Bill!

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 5 years ago from Clinton CT

      I am crying for your son. I know the joy all too well- as I reunited with my birth father. It is filled with emotion and so very powerful. Reunions are intense experiences for sure. So happy for him and you. A happy ending isn't a given- as mine and many others I know- are tragic endings. Cherish the gift. Beautiful hub.

    • justateacher profile image

      LaDena Campbell 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Bill-how amazing this happened and the way it happened...to know that your sons birth mother held a birthday party for him every year and included his sisters and other family...years....great writing, add always!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      justateacher, it is so nice to see you. I hope you are enjoying summer vacation. Thank you for the visit and the lovely words.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Julie, many days life is just a crap shoot, and we are just as likely to have bad news as good.....I think I'll savor this good news for as long as I can. I will, indeed, cherish the gift. Thank you my friend; I appreciate you greatly.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Lord, crying is a great release and I do it often. These are tears of joy for my son; it's a great story that I wanted to share with all of you. Thank you so much for your great comment my friend.

    • Trinity M profile image

      Trinity M 5 years ago

      billybuc I cannot express how moved I was by this story; you had both my husband and I in tears. I relate on so many different levels. No I am not adopted but I am a mother and if I had to give my child away for some reason I can only imagine the pain. On the other hand my husband and I have considered adoption as I am unable to have more children of my own and we have so much love to give… so I relate to you and how you must feel about your son finally finding a missing piece of himself, and in such a magical and wonderful way. Thank you so much my dear friend for sharing this beautiful miracle with us.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 5 years ago from New York, New York

      Oh my god Billy, not only was I crying when I read this, but was truly amazed at how your son did come to find his birth mom. This is incredible story and can see how this would now leave you lingering questions as to your own birth mom. I am of course sharing and voting this up.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Trinity, the more I hear from you the more I like you. You are a warm compassionate, caring human being. Everything I like about humans is rolled up in you and it is an honor to call you my friend. Thank you so much for your kind words. You have touched me deeply and I appreciate you greatly.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, I love your tears of joy for my son and I thank you sincerely. I am smiling as I write this; the connections I have made through HubPages have been more than wonderful. This is why writing is my passion...the chance to reach out and connect with people like yourself. Thank you my friend!

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      Wow Bill! How awesome that your son had the incredible gift of YOU as his father, someone who could understand better than anyone how it feels to be adopted and those unanswered questions that have to do with identity and heritage. How awesome that this circle has been closed, completed, and your son has been blessed to meet his birth mother.

      Another plug for hubbing and blogging, and the power of the internet!

      Thanks for sharing, Bill.

    • sroberts9 profile image

      sroberts9 5 years ago from Northern Virginia

      Interesting story. I am a daughter who was adopted. I have two natural children of my own and still want to adopt a son as my husband and I always wanted a son. If it is in God's plan I am sure it will be and we will be open hearted filled with joy. The meeting of my biological mother was quite different - like you and your son I was so happy to hear she was looking for me and I tried to have a friendship with her to get to know her however, being from another race than my own she wanted to keep me a hidden secret from her other children as they disagreed with her seeking to find me. I had a wonderful Mom to love me and care for me all my life. An excellent example of how to be a young woman, lovely young lady, and a woman, wife and lover of God she taught me just by her example alone. She was not for much talking as her love was displayed to me with action. My Biological Mom only wanted me to forgive her she kept saying over and over again - and I had to finally tell her that maybe its God's forgiveness you need to ask for not mine as you had done me no injustice by giving me to the adoption service. I am happy that your son found his Mom and it's a happy occasion - its usually rare to hear the story with a beautiful ending of happiness. How did your wife take it? Women are somewhat a little more sensitive with matters of the heart.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 5 years ago from United States

      Billy, I am not surprised that you could share the depth of emotions and the understanding you have concerning this rather difficult life issue. You expressed the feelings of being adopted by a good family in a way that no one without that experience could have done. I am happy for your son and his biological mother. I've known two women that had to give their babies up for adoption and it was a heart wrenching experience for them. Yet, they both knew their baby would have a better home life than they could possibly provide. The decisions were not lightly made. I certainly agree that young children should lovingly be told early of their adoption. It would be such a shock to find out in your mid teens for instance, when your hormones are raging and you're seeking independence anyway.

      I imagine you have helped many people by sharing all of this personal information. God bless.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Debbie, the internet is, indeed, a powerful tool. In this case it was an unseen miracle. I thank you for your kind words. I am so happy that my writing brought about this great gift for my son.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      sroberts, thank you for your great comment. Not all stories end happily like this one. My ex-wife is not on the scene; she abandoned my son and I almost twenty years ago. She most likely does not even know that this happened.

      It is a happy moment for all, a reason to celebrate, and hopefully there are more happy stories out there for other adopted children.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Pamela, I hope that it is so, that my words help others. That is why I write, to make that connection with others, and possibly help them from my experiences. Thank you my friend! I greatly appreciate your kind words and compassion.

    • donnah75 profile image

      Donna Hilbrandt 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      Wow. I am overcome by emotions. You all have shown great courage and love. Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story. It will certainly inspire and teach others the way.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Donnah, thank you so much! That is always my hope, that my words will help someone else.

    • Karen Hellier profile image

      Karen Hellier 5 years ago from Georgia

      This is a great story, made better because it's true. It brought tears to my eyes. I worked with the state for 8 years and placed some children for adoption during that time period. Those were very special stories as well. I am so happy for you, your son, and his birth family. And I think it's fantastic that Hub Pages was part of the miracle. Just reaffirms my joy at being part of this great community of writers.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image

      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      Hi Billybuc! Every time I read one of your hubs, I feel as though I have gained more sensitivity, inspiration and guidance. This hub is no exception.

      I am happy that the hole in the hearts of your son and his mother have been repaired. I pray the same can happen for you.

      Blessings, Billybuc!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Karen, it is a special time for my son and his birth mother....and for me of course. Thank you so much for your kind words and for the work you did with adoptions.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dexter, you are a kind man, a good man, and I appreciate your words my friend.

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      And to think, Bill, that your writing brought about this miracle for your son. Talk about "love conquers all." Today, with the technology of the internet, nowhere is to far, and nothing is impossible. Your ability to understand through personal experience and an open heart is responsible for the sequence of events that brought ultimate completion to your son. Had you been an insecure, judgemental man, you might not have been so receptive to the idea of sending your son's biological mother a photo of him at 6-months old and without your writing talents, shared and seen across the globe, the connection might never have been made. Congratulations, Bill, for actualizing a priceless gift to give for your son...a relationship with his biological mother...something most adopted children are never privy to. And, this joyous event couldn't have happen to a more positive man...one who always believed in miracles.

    • profile image

      Alexander 5 years ago

      This is beautiful! I grew up with the sisters of the young man mentioned in this article and this is just beyond heartwarming and all kinds of great. I haven't gotten to meet Tyler, but his family has always had love for him and it's just.. I can't even describe how great this is.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Alexander, thank you! I look forward to one day meeting Tyler's "new/old" family. :) He is a good man and he deserves this kind of happiness.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Awww, Amy, now I'm going to blush! It is amazing that because of the internet, and HubPages, and my passion for writing, that all things came together for the perfect ending of a story that began 27 years ago. Who would have thunk it??? :)

      Thank you my friend; you humble me with your words and I am very grateful!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      Great share, thank you. When my mother brought me to America in 1957, I still remember,we were so disconnected I thought, " this stranger was taking me from my real mother."

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This is so wonderful. I am thrilled that your Son has found his birth Mother, and it's only natural that you want to find yours. I believe with all of my heart that you will find her. She could have been a child, she may still be alive. My hope is that you will find the woman who gave birth to you, and can relate the story why she gave you up for adoption. Thank you for sharing another part of your life with us.Cheers

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 5 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      What an incredibly emotional hub Bill, I applaud and commend you and your son for sharing such a personal story. The power of the Internet and what writing online can achieve is summed up in your hub Bill. It is a heartfelt, wonderful time for you all that is truly amazing to have happened almost by chance. I was captivated from start to finish and I am so glad it has been a positive happy time for you all. Thanks so much Bill, have voted and shared my friend:)

    • Crystal Tatum profile image

      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      Billy, this is such a beautiful and indeed miraculous story. How wonderful that you are able to give the gift of a loving and stable home to your son, just as that was given to you. How amazing that your writing led to your son finding his birth mother. And how truly fantastic that you can accept his desire to find his birth mother and even celebrate with him - that's truly selfless love.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mhatter, very interesting! Where did you come from? Thank you my friend!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Ruby! Maybe some day we will find out!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Suzie, you are so nice! Thank you! It is a celebration of life for all of us I think; it really does give us all a reason to feel good!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Crystal, your kind words bring a smile to my face this morning. Thank you my dear friend! Have a wonderful weekend down South.

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Time to bring out the Kleenex. Your story is amazing. It really makes you think that everything happens for a reason. This could be one of the reasons you were meant to write. I am happy for your family and especially your son. I hope this reunion will bring him happiness and closure.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Tammy, my thoughts exactly. How cool that my writing brought this about. I'll send you some Kleenex; I owe you anyway for a lot more than Kleenex. :) Thanks buddy!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      What a great story. My cousin gave up a baby boy when she was 20 but had an arrangement through the adoption agency where she could communicate with the family from time to time, usually around his birthday. So she would get pictures and videos from the family at least once a year. Then, when the boy was 12, he asked to meet his birth mother and his parents agreed. Both families since developed a very close bond and now he is in his late 20s, married, and is very close with my cousin (his birth mother) and her whole family. My cousin wrote a book about the whole experience. It's another wonderful story.

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      That gave me tears in my eyes. How touching that it worked out like it did. I'm so happy for your son. Nobody in my family is adopted but I have friends who are. Some express curiosity about their birth parents while some claim they don't want to know. Is that true? Or do they have the hole inside, too?

      It's neat that your articles on adoption have helped your son find his miracle. Are you thinking about looking for yours, too?

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 5 years ago from Finland

      You almost made me cry. What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing this! Perhaps your birth mother is still alive ... I hope that you one day could share the story of when you met your birth mother. I really like reading about people's life, especially stories with happy endings like this one. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Deborah, it is a story that is to be celebrated by all. Thank you for sharing your story; I am smiling for all adopted kids today.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vicki, I never had any desire to know who my birth parents were, and I would not be able to tell you why. It's only been the last couple years when I have started to be curious. Still, the hole exists and always will. Thank you my friend and have a great weekend.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Made, isn't it nice when there is a happy ending? This is a story that can be celebrated by everyone, and I don't say that because I wrote it....it's just a feel good story.

      Thank you dear friend; I cherish your friendship.

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 5 years ago from Finland

      Bill, it sure is. Wonderful story. I'll be a "grandmother" soon - one of my cats is having kittens really soon. Enjoy your weekend! :)

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      Kathy 5 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Dear billybuc, I am just beginning to know you through your writing. I have to say, I am so glad that I am. You are so personable, so real; so honest. I've only read several hubs of yours but, just in these small exposures; I can say that I relate to you in so many ways. Your writing is so compelling, honest; your emotions palpable. You are a real human being. This story sends chills up and down my body and tears to my eyes...why? Because you've shared such an intimate and vulnerable part of your life in such an incredibly loving, open way...and in such a joyous way. You have shared with us your actual feelings; some trepidations, and concluding happiness for your dear son. You are REAL. This story is heart warming, hopeful and I just am such a succor for 'happy endings.' I am so glad this unfolded as it did...serendipitous - "meant to be," are the ways in which I would describe the miraculous meeting of your son and his birth mother. As you said, there are so many reasons why a young woman would feel compelled to make such a decision; I can only imagine how utterly hurtful it was and how long she carried that emptiness. And now, filled with the love and reunion of her child now, a grown man...and one whom, I am willing to bet, is a complete, well rounded and kind man...because he has you as his father. I could go on endlessly; it is rare that I am so deeply touched by a story about events which I have never experienced; your writing is THAT good...and, mechaically, word usage and sentence construction....THIS TOO is thoroughly enjoyable and amazingly GREAT. Oh...i am so impressed and so happy for you..I MUST find more time to read your writing; you are a fantastic writer, billybuc. All ups but funny.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Made, send my best to your cat for me. :) Thank you dear friend and have a great weekend yourself.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Lucky, I am speechless! That may be one of the nicest comments I have ever read. Thank you so much and may I say, the job you do for cats is admirable and speaks volumes about the kind of person that you are.

      Real??? I guess so! I spent a great many years hiding behind a mask, begging to get out and be myself, but always finding reasons to stay hidden. Now what you see is what you get. I am free finally and enjoying each and every day of my life. Life is to be lived, to be enjoyed, to be celebrated, and that's what I intend to do.

      I became a writer so I could express myself AND make human connections with people. My writing voice works because it is an accurate depiction of who I am as a person. I am touched deeply by your words. You have a friend for life, so hop on board and let's enjoy the ride together.

      bill

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      Kathy 5 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Billybuc,..where is that "LIKE" button....I wish I could click on it now because it is how I feel...yes...friends! Yea!!!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Lucky, thank you my friend! Have a wonderful weekend!

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      Peggy Woods 5 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Hi Billy,

      What a wonderful gift you have given your son. The fact of your adopting him, rearing him and loving him...and then because of your writing, offering him an avenue of reuniting with his birth mother is so wonderful. Your understanding of the feelings from both ends obviously helps in this situation which you freely shared.

      I am happy for him and also for you and your wife. Your family has just expanded in unexpected ways. May it be a blessing for all of you!

      All the votes up except funny and sharing with my followers.

    • Lisa HW profile image

      Lisa HW 5 years ago from Massachusetts

      billybuc, I think if you feel like you'e always needed to know, then you should see if you learn what you need to know about your birth mother/family. It is (or at least should be) your right.

      As a mother who has one (out of three) (now grown) kids who is adopted, all I've ever wanted/believed is that my son (the adopted one) feel as whole/"holes-in-identity free" as "everyone else in this world).

      My son had never indicated much interest (other than a name) in who his birth mother is, but I didn't know if that was because he was worried about how I'd feel if he did. As soon as his twenty-first birth passed he got a letter in the mail (at my house, after he's moved out) with a mysterious return address. Over the phone, I told him and asked if he wanted me to open it. It turned out it was search agency (who didn't make their name known on the envelope, which angered me), and I told my son someone was asking if he would meet with his birth mother. He said he wasn't interested. I said, "Can you maybe at least let her know you're OK. She deserves at least that much." I wasn't at all threatened by it as far as he and I went. Because I knew there was "a can of worms" in his past/in their family, though, I was worried that it would throw him (and the identity I'd worked so hard to help him establish for himself) for a loop. I'd hoped he would be older when he discovered some of the "gory details" of his earliest weeks and of that family. It did, in fact, throw him for something of a loop", and it only happened after the initial getting to know a number of people in the birth family. Over a period of time, more and more about them would be revealed; and what started out as "welcoming home a long lost brother" turned into his discovering that the "can of worms" of the past was still pretty much the same "can of worms" a couple of decades later. The birth mother (with apparently no more maternal instinct then than when he was a newborn) made him feel like she was disappointed to discover he "wasn't like them".

      He's a strong sort (for the most part), and after a couple of years of some hard-to-describe "upheaval" with one birth relative or another being around or in his life here or there, it all died down; and he eventually phased them out of his life (but not without his having paid a price, which was precisely what my concern about any reunion had always been). In spite of it all, I am glad my son has the information (and first-hand exposure to how the "birth people" operate) to which, I think, all adoptees who are mature enough to handle it are entitled.

      By virtue of the nature of adoption, birth/beginnings stories of adoptees aren't very often (to say the least) happy stories. Closure doesn't always require a happy beginning-story, though; and neither -0ne way or another - do happy endings.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Peggy, thank you! Your words are kind and greatly appreciated. We all do the best we can and then every once in awhile something miraculous happens. Ain't life great?

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Lisa, great comment and thank you for sharing. There is no doubt that there are many stories similar to the one you related. It's a crap shoot at best for an adoptee in those situations. I, like you, have never felt threatened by my son finding his birth mother and I'm still not. He is twenty-seven now and can handle anything that comes his way. He has a good head on his shoulders and whatever happens he will be able to roll with it.

      I appreciate you sharing that side of re-unions. Blessings and peace to you and yours!

      bill

    • teggie10 profile image

      teggie10 5 years ago from Evansville, IN

      This brought tears to my eyes. I'm in the process of adopting my husband's biological son and though he has not seen his birth mother since he was 9 months old (11 now), I know that he surely must feel some type of longing to know her and it pains me that it's a hole I'll never be able to fill.

      If one day he should want to look for her, I'll simply be standing in the wings waiting to hear about his new facet of life.

      Thank you for writing this! It was beautiful.

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      This is a truly incredible and beautiful story, I sit here crying with emotion and happiness for your son.

      My comments feel totally inadequate, but suffice to say your story has touched me deeply.

      Best wishes Lesley

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Teggie, it's my pleasure. It is my hope that others will gain something from my hubs and that they will be helpful. I'm glad you gained some strength from this and thank you.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Movie, thank you my friend. I have heard so much about you but I think I've only read one of your hubs. I will have to correct that deficiency in my diet today. LOL Thank you!

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      Sandra Mireles 5 years ago from Texas

      Billybuc, you are a great writer and gave us your story from your heart. I am happy your son found his birth mother. Although I have no adopted children, I am surrounded by adopted family. I have a cousin who was adopted at birth who has always been a part of my family. My brother adopted two daughters within the family, and my sister adopted the third sibling from within the family. All these children are adults now and doing fine. Last year my son adopted a beautiful baby boy who has become my grandson for which I am so grateful. I cried every time I looked at him until I feared he would believe his grandmama never stopped crying. He is such a miracle in our lives and we cried like babies on his adoption day. I know he will want to know his family and he will always know that he is adopted. Thank you for sharing your moving story.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Smireles, thank you so much. It was a very moving experience, and the response in comments have been moving as well. I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read this and comment in such a loving manner.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is a very beautiful and touching hub, Bill, and it's also very useful for both people who are adopted and parents who adopt. I've only seen two of your videos, but I loved them both. I'll certainly be looking at more of them. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so eloquently.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Alicia, thank you so much and I'm really happy you like the videos. It's kind of the teacher in me; certainly not camera shy by any means. LOL I really appreciate your kind words.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      What a wonderful story and a happy ending for your son. I can only imagine the joy and love that was present the day they connected. I love your video and it really touched my heart on adoption issues. Even if you do not find your birth mother, she did the right thing in giving you up -- it took love for her to face the truth and give you a better life.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dianna, I have no complaints at all. It's been a great life my friend and each day is a blessing.

      Thank you Dianna! I hope you are having a great weekend!

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 5 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      Bill, Our son is adopted and he is a gift from God. Sadly his mom was on drugs and I pray for her every day. I also pray that our son will have a joyful reunion one day; but only God knows that answer. Should he search and cannot find her, I am here for him. I as a mother am very open with him to and also quite protective of his feelings. I told him he was our gift and his natural mom loved him so much that she had to let go for now. I have not told him what the underlying issues were; but I hope he will grow up to be a very strong young man. He told us that when he grows up he wants to adopt kids too. He said , " all kids need love to and I hope I can raise them just like you." Those words have made our heart melt, he is our everything. Your story has given me so much enlightment and while I write he is listening to your video. Thanks so much for writing such an inspirational hub. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Julianna, thank you so much! Your words....your story...touch me deeply. I have a pretty soft spot in my heart for adopted kids and parents who show the kind of love you have shown in adopting. I wish you and your son many years of love and happiness. It sounds to me like you have handled everything beautifully and I applaud you and send you warm wishes for the future. If I can ever be of any help please feel free to contact me.

      bill

    • toknowinfo profile image

      toknowinfo 5 years ago

      This is a beautiful story, Billy. The love you have for your son is reflected in the words of your writing. The bonds you share with your son, as a father are wonderful, the bonds you share with him, both being adopted children is truly something special. I really enjoyed reading this and am happy that your son found his biological family. It must help to complete him. I feel bad for you, that you did not get that opportunity, and I hope that somehow the miracle finds you too. Perhaps you should start posting your birthdate in your adoption articles too. But whether that happens or not, I hope the writing you do helps you feel satisfaction and fulfillment. It is nice to know that you appreciate your parents for the life they gave you. Wishing you only the best and thanking you for sharing such a beautiful story. Rated up beautiful, awesome, and interesting.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      toknowinfo, thank you so much for that lovely comment. My hope is that my writing helps someone else who is going through similar circumstances. If that happens then I am a very happy writer.

      Thank you again my dear!

    • CarlySullens profile image

      CarlySullens 5 years ago from St. Louis, Missouri

      Billy, I am so emotional after reading this article....

      I know the longing of which you speak of...

      I know the empty whole in your heart and the perpetual question of 'who am I?'

      I know the elation and joy of reuniting with kin

      I know the confusion of familial roles and how other's define you based on their experience, without really knowing that each adoptee defines what 'mother,' 'father,' and 'sibling' means to them. It is unique and special as a snow flake.

      I know the frustration that spell check has not accepted adoptee as a word yet.

      I know being a parent and loving your child unconditionally.

      I know through death, loss and devastation that family bonds do not always need to be palpable to be felt

      I know your birth mother's and birth father's connection with you has been inside your DNA coding shaping you your whole life

      They are no more far away from you than your own nose.

      Sometimes what we seek is not always what we find

      And what finds us is not always what we are seeking.

      It is in these malleable moments that we are forged into a deeper knowing of self

      In the mirror, I ask 'who am I?'

      In the mirror, you ask 'who am I?'

      In the mirror, Tyler asks 'who am I?'

      Is Tyler closer to understanding the enigma, 'who am I?' because his eyes have seen, his ears have heard the biological riddle of who his mother is or sisters?

      Am I closer to understanding the enigma of 'who am I?' because I have been forsaken at birth, adopted, reunited in adulthood and abandon again?

      Are you closer to understanding the enigma of 'who am I?' because you bear witness to your son's journey, feel the narrow of your born stir with curiosity and ponder in your winter season the internal answer?

      Are we any more than the collections of our stories? Are we any more than the threads of our lives translated in stories within a coffee cup stir swirling around and around with a friend?

      I am my stories, I am my mystery, I am my scars, I am my joys, I am the DNA from another family, I am my parent's stories and rituals kneaded in my from my ancestors recipes.

      As Neil Diamond will say,

      I AM, I SAID.

      (sorry for getting into a poetic tongue.)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Carly, that was magnificent. Take this and post it as your hub! Not one word was inaccurate....every single question, every single emotion, every single statement....right on! Nobody knows unless they have been there.

      You had me laughing on adoptee and spell check; I started to doubt myself after the twentieth time of being told it was a mis-spelling.

      In the end, all that matters, is who we are, and that is the sum total of our experiences, trials,errors and victories. I thank you so much for this. Simply beautiful!

      bill

    • CarlySullens profile image

      CarlySullens 5 years ago from St. Louis, Missouri

      Well Thanks Bill! That is a great compliment... but all those words are just for you my new hub friend. You inspired them, they came from up above through my heart and out of my fingertips for you.

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 5 years ago from Clinton CT

      And that my friends- is why Carly is my best bud. xo

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      That was you in the video....you have great friends, Julie!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Carly; I'm going to enjoy our friendship.

    • remaniki profile image

      Rema T V 4 years ago from Chennai, India

      I had trouble reading the end of your hub due to tears blinding my eyes. Beautiful hub Bill - full of emotion. Thank you. Cheers, Rema.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rema, you are a kind woman. Thank you for being so caring and compassionate. Have a wonderful weekend.

    • shampa sadhya profile image

      Shampa Sadhya 4 years ago from NEW DELHI, INDIA

      Voted up and beautiful!

      After reading about this touching incident I have no words to express what I feel like. After reading this write up I have understood one basic thing that may be birth connections are very important but equally important is the loving support of the adopted parents. This support is the strength to cope up with the loss of the root as well as it gives the strong emotional support when one undergoes a sudden emotional reunion. Your son must be thanking God for having a father like you! Sharing it.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Shampa, what a lovely thing for you to write. I have been very lucky my friend, and life has never been better. Thank you for the reminder; I need to call my son now.

      Blessings to you!

    • Magdaleine profile image

      Magdaleine 4 years ago

      I am glad that your son finds his birth mother. A wonderful happy ending! you are such a wonderful father too. Congratulation.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Magdaleine, thank you so much for your kind words.

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