ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Adoption – a Lifetime Commitment

Updated on September 9, 2019

I depend on you

Source

Adoption is described by Wikipedia as “a process whereby a person assumes the parenting for another and, in so doing, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities from the original parent or parents.”

A small, simple definition, for a huge, complex act.

Adoption changes everything. It changes the life of both the future parents and the one of the child.

From an optimistic view, adoption cannot be but positive. Happy parents that complete their family, happy children that find love and caring from affectionate adults.

But as realistic, down-to-earth adults, we all know things are not always what they seem to be and that no situation is perfectly positive, much less one that involves a child having to be let go by his birth parents, no matter the reasons.

As a general rule, the adoptive parents have to prove themselves worthy of becoming guardians for another human being. As a general rule, the ones that supervise the process are fully capable to do it.

But, what about the particular cases?

Although is has probably been overused when it came to examples about the negative sides of adoption, this is probably the best example to pinpoint how bad it can all end: the case of Artyem Saviliev aka Justin Hansen by his new adoptive name. Long story short: the seven year old boy was adopted from Russia by an American family. After six months of caring for the child, the mother sent him by himself on a plane back to Russia and hired through an online service a driver to “welcome” and bring him to the social services in Moscow.

The episode sent major shock waves throughout the world and determined Russian authorities to make a huge decision: they temporarily stopped US adoption.

This example is extreme and has probably only happened because – no matter how unable to relate to the child behavior she was – the mother was probably mentally unstable or just plain retarded (she stated to have been advised by an online lawyer to do what she did) or really both. The reasons for letting go of the young boy, were, as she said, his violent outbursts and the fear that he might hurt someone in the family. As we have no prove of her words being true or not, it's a very easy judgment call fro anybody to see that the way she decided to cope with the whole situation was horrible. When you find a person that struggles to walk and find it difficult to wait for it to keep up with you, you don't smack his feet with a bat to make him stop following you. So why would one abandon in such a brutal, inhumane matter a child who's behavior, if true, only came from the past treatment he received by his fellow human kinds. She only made it ever harder for that kid to ever be normal again, after having been put through the traumatizing event.

Now, obviously this is a case with a very unusual twist. But unhappy endings to adoption, though not so dramatic as the above mentioned one, are not a rare event.

This only proves that a human's personality and capability of becoming a parent cannot be easily determined and not even themselves can fully be aware of the extent to which they are ready to welcome a new unknown person in their lives.

The topic of negative outcomes from adoption relations is very complex and can only be fully understood by the professionals that deal with such cases and mainly by the people personally involved as adopting parents or adoptees.

But the most obvious one is the failure of the adoptive parents to cope with the variety of mental issues the children are prone to suffer from, because of their early age negative experiences. While in the natural process of being pregnant and having the baby after 7 – 9 months, giving the adults a long period to psychologically be prepared to become parents, in the case of adoption, the impact of having a new person in your life, can sometimes be highly difficult to cope with.

Especially in the cases of older children, they have a history of awful experiences, consisting of both physical and mental abuse by their birth family of orphanage co-inhabitants. And even though the loving environment they are suppose to meet in the new family should be a cure for their abused soul, the children are sometimes so damaged, they can't really control their reactions towards the new surrounding.

That's one major fact the adoptive parents should take note off before deciding to take this major step: no matter how sweet or calm the kid seems to be, you have to take into consideration the possible psychological injuries, and the invisible scars on their souls. Of course, some children are stronger or have not been exposed to the same poisoned environment, and their integration in the new family goes smoothly, but one always has to take into consideration the possibility of having to go through a lot to cure their baby.

In the same time, many parents jump into the adoption process without really weighting in all the implications that arise from it. Nobody is obliged to have children, If you don't feel 100% ready to have a child and to give him or her all the love and protection a parent should, maybe it is not the time yet for you to adopt or maybe it will never be. That child is not a pet (even though it has constantly been proved that pets also suffer from abandonment issues) and bringing him or her into your life only to later decide you are not able to deal with this role cannot be deleted just as easily as a resignation from a job.

This article is not by any means meant to discourage adoption but is a plea to adoptive parents to really think about how the future events are going to change their lives and the one of the children.

Enthusiasm is a good attitude to have in such a process, but love and a huge amount of patience are the traits no adoption ca go without. That baby is not taken to fill a gap in the family portrait, to solve marital problems or to meet social expectations. The baby becomes the son or the daughter, a person who depends on you on a huge level and one who's life cannot only be made better by financially investing in it.

All negative parts aside, taking a young person into your home, giving him/her love, protection, the sense of belonging, is a beautiful, beautiful thing. And it shouldn't be only done by people that don't have or cannot have children, on the contrary. Saving a person's life on this level is a miracle as big as the one of giving life to a child.

The perfect line to express the kind of relationship that should develop between the parents and the adopted baby:

“Being adopted only means that instead of growing in your mommy's belly, you grew in her heart”

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • tylermj23 profile image

      tylermj23 

      9 years ago from Roanoke, VA

      I agree with escobana in regards to Linda Smith's comments on adoption.

    • helmutbiscut profile image

      helmutbiscut 

      9 years ago from Ohio

      Like every aspect of life, adoption isn't perfect. However, what LindaSmith1 has posted is completely false and inaccurate. I can only hope that people who are hoping to adopt look to educate themselves through an experienced and truthful source.

    • Escobana profile image

      Escobana 

      9 years ago from Valencia

      Dear Halei!

      Great Hub and very well written! I voted up, beautiful, useful and interesting. I see you're new here which made it all the more important to me, to link your Hub to my latest about adoption.

      You deserve the extra credits for we always love the extra talented writers here on Hubpages!

      -------------------------------------------------------

      As for the discussion about the comment of LindaSmith1.

      I noticed, LindaSmith1 isn't capable of responding in a sensible way to the comments of my fellow Hubbers. It's still a big question to some of us, where all of this negativity is coming from.

      It must be more than just a bad day but I always find it hard to see, when one person, tries to generalize a complete group into negativity as if the good side doesn't exist at all.

      I'm absolutely sure things go very wrong sometimes. Adoption isn't a simple proces. But I'm also convinced that most of the parents who want to adopt a child, do this for all the good reasons!

      I'm happy to be adopted myself and at the same time I would never do it myself. I don't see myself capable of being a fit mother due to living a steady life with Bipolar Disorder.

      The beauty of life is the fact that you can think things over in order to make the right choice. I'm certain I did.

    • LindaSmith1 profile image

      LindaSmith1 

      9 years ago from USA

      Adoption is a money making scheme. Babies have been and continue to be stolen from their mothers. Mothers delivered babies, and told baby died. Mothers who were held down, pillows put over their face, as the newly born baby whisked away, and they never knew what happened to them.

      Mothers who were coherced into the biggest lie, scam of all which continues is Open Adoption, which has no legal standing in any court in the land.

      Adoptees who talk about the abuse, the lies they were told. Adoptees who cannot think on their own, in their 30's and older still cannot make a move unless the AP gives them permission.

      Children and babies are now being stolen from other countries.

      State agencies make a killing, AP make money off of every baby stolen by CPS and placed in adoption.

      No, adoption is not a fairy tale. Adoptees, most of them, suffer from depression, separation detachment disoders, and others due to adoption.

      Unfortunately, if you don't open your eyes, mind and ears, then you don't have to deal with the reality. Adoptive parents get monthy monies until the child is 18, even after child is adopted.

      Adult adoptess have been told by the AP and those involved with adoption, that their real mother wants nothing to do with them.

      There are plenty of groups on FB of adoptees and real mothers who talk about the horrors of adoption in and out of the USA

    • hailei profile imageAUTHOR

      hailei 

      9 years ago from Romania

      @helmutbiscut Maybe LindaSmith1 speaks after a bad experience... I don't know...Anyways, I think you should indeed write that hub, you've been in contact with so many families that decided to adopt are your point of view would be much more representative than mine was, for example.

      Thanks for your comment!

    • helmutbiscut profile image

      helmutbiscut 

      9 years ago from Ohio

      Wow, LindaSmith1. You are really misinformed and uneducated about adoption. I am an adoption assessor, responsible for interviewing and approving prospective adoptive parents. Although there have been many negative stories portrayed in the media about negative adoption experiences, there are thousands upon thousands of positive stories to be told. I have personally interviewed about 100 families over the years, and have seen only two or three adoptions fail. The failures were not due to abuse of any kind, but unrealistic expectations of the adoptive parents. Part of my job is to prepare the parents for a multitude of issues the child may bring with them, including attachment and bonding issues. When babies are born, they are supposed to learn from their parents how to form an attachment: they present a need, the parent meets the need, child trusts the parent. When this isn't taught to a child because they have been neglected, abused, or abandoned, it is difficult for the child to function normally. They have difficulty trusting and loving, and instead are often manipulative and devious. Teaching a child how to trust and love is a challenge, but not impossible. Sometimes it is more than some families can handle.

      Also, adoption is expensive, but it is not a money maker. A lot of the fees actually go to support the children in orphanages. Another portion pays employees. You surely make a fair wage for your work, don't you, LindaSmith1? I can assure you that, as a social worker, I make less than a teacher.

      Sorry this post is so long, but that comment hit a nerve. I should just write a hub, perhaps! Good hub on adoption. It isn't for everyone, but a true blessing for many!

    • hailei profile imageAUTHOR

      hailei 

      9 years ago from Romania

      Thanks so much Tomismobile :)

    • tomismobile profile image

      tomismobile 

      9 years ago from Oklahoma City

      I think LindaSmith1 just had a bad day. Adoption is a true act of selfless love. There will always be people that are abusive, but by and large, adoptive parents are hero's. I enjoyed hearing your viewpoint hailei and hope you continue writing.

    • hailei profile imageAUTHOR

      hailei 

      9 years ago from Romania

      Vocalcoach: thank you very much for your support, that is so kind!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      9 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Linda Smith - You could not be more wrong! My first child is adopted and is my child 100% She was raised with love, tenderness and joy. Thank goodness you have not adopted!

      Hailei - You have written an excellent hub! Welcome to Hubpages. What an asset you are. I am voting UP. I look forward to reading more hubs by you. If I can help you in any way, just let me know. I am here because of missolive. I am sending you a huge hub hug!!!

      vocalcoach~

    • hailei profile imageAUTHOR

      hailei 

      9 years ago from Romania

      LindaSmith1 - the only part of your comment I agree with is the fact that children adoption is indeed a huge industry for the facilitators. Unfortunately that is something only the Governments can control and they probably don't find it to be a priority.

      BUT the adoption saves lives! Obviously there are plenty of rotten apples among the adoptive parents, but let's not judge these people that save destinies by the facts the abusive ones do.

      I don't know where you're coming from, maybe you have your fair share of bad memories about adoption, but if you have been adopted, have you ever lived in an orphanage? I don't know about the ones in America, but I know for a fact that the ones in Europe are a really bad place for children to live in. Some things happen there, you don't want to think about.

      The responsibility to discern the real good people from the ones that are trafficking children for terrible purposes is ours and we should be mature enough to do it.

      Thank you for expressing your opinion, but we'll just have to agree to disagree

      Thank you everybody for taking the time to read my hub and for expressing your thoughts about it!

      PS: @MissOlive: Wow, that is so nice that you feel like that about your adopted brthers. My biggest wish is to be able to adopt at least one child in this life time, I would be so grateful if I could help a child's life get better and I'm so sure I would love him or her enormously

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Suzie 

      9 years ago from Carson City

      Lindasmith1...I cannot make sense of your comment in the slightest. Since adopted children are reliquished for a variety of reason, by their bio parent(s), "theft" is not an issue. Adoption Agencies are a business, yes and therefore, employed individuals and agency owners must be paid, but I don't know about them being HUGE MONEY MAKING INDUSTRIES...perhaps there are a few, perhaps not. There are also private adoptions and non-profit organizations as well as other legitimate adoption arrangements, but we would all have to see their financial records and know how their organization is run, before labeling them as a BLACK MARKET, which you seem to imply. Your comment that accuses adoptive parents of being abusive seems unfair, cruel and flippant. If not for people who adopt, these children are left without family, a home & the physical, emotional & financial support necessary for a healthy, happy, productive life. Perhaps you are referring to a few of the "foster-family" issues that have become unfortunate situations? In any event, your comment is quite disturbing.

    • missolive profile image

      Marisa Hammond Olivares 

      9 years ago from Texas

      LindaSmith - I respectfully disagree and that is quite a comment.

      I would just like to say the members of my family that have been adopted were neither stolen or abused. Although some adoptive situations have not been wholesome and nurturing many have found the opportunity of adoption a mutual blessing.

    • Carlon Michelle profile image

      Carlon Michelle 

      9 years ago from USA

      Every arrangement created by mankind to fix another problem created by mankind will have wonderful examples and tragic ones. That's the plight of imperfect man. Your article tells of hope and that is what Adoption is. Hope that all parties come out for the better. Smile!

    • LindaSmith1 profile image

      LindaSmith1 

      9 years ago from USA

      Adoption is nothing less than stealing of babies who are then abused in the so called adoptive parents.

      If people really knew what has gone on through the years, and continues, spreading across the globe would not praise adoption which is a huge money makeing industry where children are the commodity.

    • profile image

      Giselle Maine 

      9 years ago

      Hi Hailei, I found your hub because MissOlive shared it with her followers. This is a well thought out article and something that all prospective adoptive parents should read. Voted UP and beautiful.

    • missolive profile image

      Marisa Hammond Olivares 

      9 years ago from Texas

      Thank you for sharing. Adoption is an incredible part of so many lives. My two oldest brother's are adopted (related to each other) and it has always saddened my family when others try to divide us because of a formal document. I don't care what the adoption papers say - they are my brothers.

      You've raised some wonderful points here - very important thought provoking points.

      Thank you for sharing.

    • Admiral_Joraxx profile image

      Admiral_Joraxx 

      9 years ago from Philippines

      You presented a very thought pondering point here Hailei. Adopting is really something to thoroughly think about before doing. Great presentation about the topic! 1 vote up, useful and interesting.

    • HendrikDB profile image

      HendrikDB 

      9 years ago

      Food for thought!!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)