A life in the day: Back in Time
Knock, knock, knock... The car doors haunting reminder of the fall of '09 linger untarnished in my mind. I stretched my arms, my legs and my soul from jetlag time had imposed upon my existence. As my body proceeded to function with the expectations of the arrival, my mind harkened back to a place not so far away from home. A place that is able of reemerging today or tomorrow; or really any day now.
As I recall, Kevin went to answer the knock on our door, his look was indeed priceless. Prior to my off hand pregnancy prospect, he was certain she was going to leave him. The glance he permitted portended an option he obviously previously uncultivated; albeit a ‘life change’ of equal ambiguity. The smoke visibly poured from his ears as he attempted to casually respond to his calling. This knock in itself was an awakening of the consequences of life’s actions; his effort toward nonchalance was utterly futile.
Mommy and Daddy could not bail Kevin out of every indiscretion and subsequent consequence in his life. The harsh reality occurred to the boy, as time stood still, moving toward answering the door’s calling as a man. His parents had the willingness and wisdom of sharing their personal experience; of their cautionary tales to avoid this life altering decision. Addiction leaves no room for right turns. One's left with a constant circular path to the starting point. Any day now we fully expected that revelation to hit home.
Suddenly the tide had shifted. It went from the indeterminate and unrecognized receding of the tides to a powerful detonation of an earthquake from the oceans beneath; a tsunami. The smoke signals emanating from him were distinct like hot lava cooling in the sea. Kevin thought for sure Kiley was going to leave him due to his substance abuse and erratic behavior. He then became conscious of the colossal tidal wave racing toward his shore.
Addiction is a powerful drug; every waking moment is consumed with the insatiable desire to appease the beast. It starts off innocently enough, the acquiescence to ‘take off the edge’ of life’s hard knocks. Then one day the addict awakens to find the servant has become their master. Although he had not been able to part ways with his former habit, Kevin’s addiction had evolved; it had been inevitably substituted for the love of another. His underlying nightmare was the finality to a revitalizing relationship. We all shared in the horror of his nightmare.
Dependency assumes a multitude of shapes, shadows and silhouettes. It is a recurring theme in the life of an addict. The common assumption being when times get tough, the addict is at a higher risk of reverting to their former ways. The addict will tell you in a moment of clarity they needn’t any reason other than their initial waking thought of the day to extinguish the pain of their haunt. And yes it is sad. Yet, it is not as pathetic as it sounds. In fact, there is hope, hope through education.
As a doting parent, we acknowledge the fact we place our children’s existence above our own. Our kids have the ability to seemingly make time stand still, to stop us in our tracks. This is at the very heart of the contract we have with our kids being parents. It is assumed they will act accordingly when our kids themselves have kids of their own. God help them if they do not.
The actuality of having grandchildren has an even greater power. As for this Grandparent, nothing has the capacity of stopping me in my tracks; fore the world revolves around their very existence. The welfare of my Granddaughter is tantamount with the control the sun has with its relation to the earth. It’s the meaning of life within itself!
It is the obligation of humanity to do all in its power to set those free of their chemical romance. It is a calling to assist one to soar above their confines of flight. Maybe, and only maybe, one can live beyond their years…when the ashes turn to ashes, when the dust returns to dust. If those dedicated souls of lost causes are successful in their fight for the broken, the beaten and the damned, it seems worthy to the untailored eye for at least one additional generational life.
I’m not too sure if it is a sin to have a little fun along the way. Consider it similar to that of a roller coaster ride. You’ll be glad it’s over and most likely would choose not to do it again, but if you have to… This is a lifelong life altering undertaking. I remember making that commitment on the day my children were born. I vowed to be there when needed, even when I wasn’t wanted. I pray God has a sense of humor. All indications lead me to believe God is indeed a funny Gal.
- Back in Time: Anticipation
A life in the day goes back in time. The ground work of the wheels go round & round.Anticipation is a particularly unique beast.It varies among each individual’s life and one’s associated experiences.Such is the prospect of losing that special so