Being a New Mom and Adapting to Staying Home With a New Baby
My life in a nutshell was working, partying and sleeping. I had only been 21 for four months and I was living it up to the fullest. Taking shots, drinking beers and dancing scandalous at every bar around. A night after having a few brewskies I had a feeling that something was wrong. Anxiety called to me from the medicine cabinet. One pregnancy test left. I peed. I waited the allotted time that seemed like an eternity. I looked. I was pregnant. Boom! My life as I knew it was over.
To Announce or Keep Quiet?
As the days past I became more content with the idea of being a mother. I wanted to tell the world that my body was capable of creating a new life. However, I refrained. It was a hard choice to make because it's big news and I have a big mouth. But, I waited. What if something went wrong? I hadn't been to see a doctor yet and I was very naive about pregnancy. My parents were going to be first time grandparents. YIKES!
I couldn't hold back longer than eight weeks. After that, the world was going to know. I had done research online and felt pretty safe. Some sites claimed that after eight weeks, miscarriages are less likely, while others said 12. I couldn't wait till 12, so I said my prayers told everyone I knew.
Truth is, announcing your pregnancy is completely up to you. If you want to tweet on the day you take your test, feel free. There are some women who don't say anything until they are clearly showing. It's a matter of opinion. Complications can happen at anytime, and you have to overcome your doubt and fear and believe everything is okay.
1st Time Preggers
I was excited about having a belly. It was a reason to wear elastic pants and eat ice cream without anyone judging me. I was disappointed when I wasn't showing at 12 weeks; all my skinny pregnant friends were. I however had a little beer gut covering my abs and my baby bump, so showing I wasn't.
I figured I would start craving strange things. Pickles in peanut butter, jelly on my hamburger or just something that most people would find disgusting. Nope. I had no crazy cravings. I just wanted pickles. Plain pickles. But then it switched and I wanted McDonald's every night. Thank the Lord we didn't have one in town (I would have gained 50 pounds instead of 13).
I thought doctors visits would be exciting. I was more irritated with having to drive 30 miles to the hospital to have a 15 minute check up than I was excited. The took my weight, blood pressure, had me pee in a cup, and asked me the same questions. Are you having contractions? Are you swelling? How do you feel? Do you feel the baby kick? And the whole time all I could think was, 'this is costing me how much?' I could have called the nurse on the phone, weighed myself, took my blood pressure and answered the questions from home... on my couch. Pregnancy hormones are a mother! But I went because I had a wonderful doctor and it was for the best interest of my unborn child.
It's a Girl
The second ultrasound was the big appointment. My boyfriend and I had been counting the weeks until we could find out what we were having. Clear as day, she had no nuts! We were overwhelmed with joy. My boyfriend's family hadn't had a girl in it for years and he wanted a little girl more than anything. He exclaimed his joy with telling friends and family while I went shopping. Hats, dresses, onesies, blankets, crib sheets and anything that was pink or purple was on my to-buy list. And I bought everything!
I believe I got a little ahead of myself. Isn't that what baby showers are for? Everyone else is supposed to buy you stuff. But, once again I was being impatient.
If I do it again, I will test my patience and hold off on the shopping spree till after the baby shower. I have clothes she will never fit into because she has too many. Too many blankets equals an angry mommy on laundry day. Too much furniture means I need a bigger place. Next time, I'll wait.
Because had horrid carpal tunnel in my wrists my doc suggested being induced because the medical condition was causing me pain and stress. The date was set. Sunday night I entered labor and delivery where they made me change into the lovely hospital gown and hooked me up to numerous wires. One wire monitored her hear rate, the other monitored my contractions. I was on fluids and pitocin.
They started me off easy with 2mg/hour. I expected gut twisting pains, but the first night was a breeze. I slept until 6am when they upped my dosage because I wasn't dilating. And the pain soon followed. Cramping in my back that was unbearable in all positions. I don't wish back labor on anyone!
I didn't last long before I wanted the epidural. Anyone who says the epidural is painless has a much greater pain tolerance than I. I cried when he gave me the local anesthetic. But it was all worth it once I couldn't feel the contractions.
The hours past like days and before I knew it, it was 8pm. I had progressed to 3cm and was starting to feel like a failure. I felt like I was failing my daughter and my family. But I was assured it wasn't my fault. My body wasn't taking to the pitocin. They let me go until 6am, Tuesday morning when they said I need an emergency c-section. Talk about tears!
I was terrified as they prepped me and I watched my boyfriend suit up for the operating room. Before I could process what was happening, I couldn't feel my chest down and a blue curtain was being put in front of my face in a way to well lit room.
Cesareans are fast and for the most part painless. I felt some tugging and pressure but nothing else, and when I heard her cry I was certain they would have to do heart surgery too, cause my heart probably stopped. Everything was worth it at that moment. Blue, bloody and screaming, she was the most beautiful thing I had laid eyes on. Sydnee Reagan.
The aftermath was not as pretty. I had the urge to vomit, but couldn't use my muscles to do it. I was shivering cold, and when the anesthetic wore off my abdomen burned as if someone was putting a welding torch on it. But still, that tiny, 7.5lb little girl was more than worth every bit of it.
For days I was sore. For weeks I bled. Forever, I will love.
Trials and Tribulations of a New Mommy
Upon returning home I had a bout of depression. I still felt like I had failed because I had to have a cesarean. I didn't get that bonding of natural birth and I felt as if it had screwed with me psychologically. This common among women who have emergency cesareans. I talked to my OBGYN who told me that it was alright to feel that way and that it would pass. Luckily, she was right. We were bonding and it didn't matter that I had a C-Section. Now, every time she smiles at me, I remember that being a mommy is much more than having a natural birth.