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Children Out of Control vs Us Trying to Take Control

Updated on May 3, 2011

Has It Gone To Far?

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Is This What It Leads To?

Are they really that out of control? Or are we trying so hard to take control with them fighting every step of the way, that it just seems that way. Is it possible to be a parent wihout control? The anwer miight shock you.

If your looking at this picture and the image of your child is in her place, it's probably gone to far. We try so hard to gain control hoping we can straighten them out, make them feel better about themselves, try and keep them out of trouble, fights, self destruction, and it just seems to backfire, hurting us when it does . How did we get to this point? It's easy we just keep trying to help, and their like a twister that keeps picking up more things, doing more damage and basically spiraling out of control.

Can You Be A Good Parent Without Control?

As a parent were pretty much taught that we have to maintain control of our children. That's why when you get called to the school it's usually, "You've lost control". But I want you to think about something, other than supplying what their needs are and them obeying to make sure they get them, do we ever really have control?

I mean seriously we can make them sit at the table or do their homework, etc, but what happens once they walk out the door to go to school, go to a friends, to the mall, a movie? I guarantee you if there is something that they want to do, even though they just swore up and down they wouldn't because "Those are the rules and you will obey them" they will find a way to do whatever it is. I think sometimes they do it just for spite, revenge, "I'll show them"

So Now What?

What if they had a say in making the rules? Would they be more apt to break their own rule? No, Why? Because they are the ones that made it and gave the reasoning behind it. It's like not being able to text and drive do a lot of people do it anyway? Yeah, but what about if they had a friend who was injured or passed away in an accident due to texting and they had started the rule which became a law. Do you think maybe they would be a little more apt to follow the rules then?

If they become a participant in the rule making, the chore list, schedules, etc it not only teaches them they can discuss things in an adult manner, they are taking part in the decisions regarding their own life It's very hard to fight or justify a broken rule when their the one who started it, debated it, and gave a justifiable reasoning as to why it should happen The difference is amazing.

Think about it, at work you send out a memo on how dangerous a certain procedure is if not done properly, and give all the reasons including physical injury etc why it must be done by the rules. Two weeks later you come in with a broken leg and everybody knows it happened because you did not follow the rules you made. I'll bet you money making a big to do about how it happened will not be your favorite subject. Why? Because you feel like an idiot.

Besides debating builds character and reasoning. It lets them know to stand up for what they believe in and the proper way to make that known to others. It will help them get further in life whether it be in their personal lives, work, politics, and raising their own children.

Those of us that live in the US do so because we are able to voice our opinions, and vote. We may not always like the outcome but we have the right to comment on that too

Try This Exercise With a Friend or Spouse

One of you stand with your feet shoulder width apart, arms extended out straight. Now first off the rule is this person is not allowed to push back. They can take a firm stance but not push back. Now you put your hand flat up against theirs, (you can't shove) but push trying to move them. It's hard to get them to move right?

Now have the person you are trying to move relax their arm at the elbow, with it bent placing your hand gainst theirs shoulder level. Now try again, (remember they cant push back) Pretty easy when their relaxed isn't it.

The point is it's a lot easier to get things accomplished if your both relaxed, and calm. Don't start trying to make rules after one has just been broken or after a fight. It just doesn't work.

That came from my favorite horse trainer John Lyons, who also says"Take what you like and leave the rest"

The point is that a large percentage of someone being out of control is the frustration and anger of someone trying to take control. It's like being pinned down and not being able to get up. It's frustrating no matter who you are, but especially if your a child.

So give it a shot and let me now what you think.

Make it an incredible day You deserve it. See ya

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