ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Finding Out That You Can Survive An Unloving Parent

Updated on August 9, 2017

LIfe is short and we never know when it will end. Dealing with the death of an estranged parent comes with it's own special set of advice and rules

The words in the article which I have linked below are me. I could have written this story exactly as it was written. My husband pointed out that I have written these words about my own mother, now dead for 10 years.

I recognized myself, and my mother, over and over and over in this story. I recognized the young girl who wanted her mother to go prom dress shopping with her and later on, wedding dress shopping. I remember thinking that I had to be the only girl I knew whose mother didn't care enough to take her daughter shopping for her wedding gown.

It wasn't just the physical abuse although there was certainly that. The cuts that cut the deepest were the complete and utter lack of love and caring.

Overwhelmingly, when reading this story, I felt the hurt and loneliness that only a child who has been unloved by a parent can feel.

And I couldn't hold back my tears. For the one thing that all of us, who were denied parental love feel, is abandonment. For how can it be that our mother or father cannot love us?

It's like going against a law of nature for a parent to not love their own flesh and blood. In having my own children, just like the author, I felt that, somehow, I had been given a chance to heap all the love that was denied to me, onto them. I know it doesnt work that way and if you were raised in a loving home it might be hard to understand. But it's what helped me get through the years after I was an adult with a family of my own but still a little girl hurting inside every time my mother pulled another stunt.

And like the author, when my mother died, I felt as though something had been torn away from inside me. And I ached for what could never be, and what never was.

And like the author, I felt no regret. Reading those words really hit home. Because I always felt that when my mother died I would feel guilt and regret. But I didn't and I believe that, and maybe without even realizing it, I had come to terms years ago with what was my reality.

And while I know that I loved my mother and on some level I know that she loved me I also knew that I had grown strong enough, through years of therapy and maybe just living my life the best that I could and growing up, that I was better than I ever thought I could be.

It was cathartic for me to read this article in a way I didnt expect. Perhaps because I am getting older and as we age we become more mellow and definitely more forgiving, I recognized that I have come full circle.

I long ago forgave my Mom for being the tortured soul that she was and having no one but me to take her miserable existence out on.

And like the author, it is my fervent hope and prayer that my Mom is somewhere where she is at peace and has finally faced her demons.

I know I have.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)