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Finding Out That You Can Survive An Unloving Parent

Updated on August 9, 2017

LIfe is short and we never know when it will end. Dealing with the death of an estranged parent comes with it's own special set of advice and rules

The words in the article which I have linked below are me. I could have written this story exactly as it was written. My husband pointed out that I have written these words about my own mother, now dead for 10 years.

I recognized myself, and my mother, over and over and over in this story. I recognized the young girl who wanted her mother to go prom dress shopping with her and later on, wedding dress shopping. I remember thinking that I had to be the only girl I knew whose mother didn't care enough to take her daughter shopping for her wedding gown.

It wasn't just the physical abuse although there was certainly that. The cuts that cut the deepest were the complete and utter lack of love and caring.

Overwhelmingly, when reading this story, I felt the hurt and loneliness that only a child who has been unloved by a parent can feel.

And I couldn't hold back my tears. For the one thing that all of us, who were denied parental love feel, is abandonment. For how can it be that our mother or father cannot love us?

It's like going against a law of nature for a parent to not love their own flesh and blood. In having my own children, just like the author, I felt that, somehow, I had been given a chance to heap all the love that was denied to me, onto them. I know it doesnt work that way and if you were raised in a loving home it might be hard to understand. But it's what helped me get through the years after I was an adult with a family of my own but still a little girl hurting inside every time my mother pulled another stunt.

And like the author, when my mother died, I felt as though something had been torn away from inside me. And I ached for what could never be, and what never was.

And like the author, I felt no regret. Reading those words really hit home. Because I always felt that when my mother died I would feel guilt and regret. But I didn't and I believe that, and maybe without even realizing it, I had come to terms years ago with what was my reality.

And while I know that I loved my mother and on some level I know that she loved me I also knew that I had grown strong enough, through years of therapy and maybe just living my life the best that I could and growing up, that I was better than I ever thought I could be.

It was cathartic for me to read this article in a way I didnt expect. Perhaps because I am getting older and as we age we become more mellow and definitely more forgiving, I recognized that I have come full circle.

I long ago forgave my Mom for being the tortured soul that she was and having no one but me to take her miserable existence out on.

And like the author, it is my fervent hope and prayer that my Mom is somewhere where she is at peace and has finally faced her demons.

I know I have.


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